Dedication to sb - good/bad? - or just a choice?

[RubberBiscuit]

Here in DFP we, as any group of like-interest folks, have our own culture. I want to take a second and challenge this group on something. I am NOT trying to call to attention “others” faults cuz gee-wizz I have mine. But maybe this thread can induce some critical thinking about what you might respond with the next time you get ready to hit “Submit”. (I will try and respect this too)

I like to sit back at times (especially when work is slow - as I disappear when I am in my busy months) and reflect on the mode of responses made here. (Sorry - I am an engineer at heart and schooling)....

One thing that I see that does not sit too well with me is the "slant" I see in here to overly criticize the choice to be and support the dedicated TB-A life.

Do I see the “dedicated” folks in DFP make subtle comments against the non-dedicated sb life? I don’t think so.

DFP-ers that will make comments like “if you’re a dedicated sb family you have lost your soul” or “if you’re a dedicated sb family you have no balance in your life”.

What is at the base of these types of denigrating comments?, ….albeit most are casual blows almost made from a perspective that this is some sort of common knowledge from their perspective.

I also wonder if some of you that will talk down dedication towards sb are yourselves just as deeply dedicated (yourself & family) to some other “thing”…? I hope not because that would mean you’re being a hypocrite.

Then to those who think that dedication to one thing is somehow “bad” – How is doing allot of different things and being great at nothing better? I would WHOLEHEARTEDLY submit the opposite. In fact avoiding dedication I BELIEVE is a very bad thing in life.

 

[starsnuffer]

Overachievers and Underachievers never get along. This is true of kids on teams and it is true of adults in life.

To clarify, being an overachiever is not a good or a bad thing, nor is being an underachiever. It's simply a lifestyle choice. Hell, gender is a lifestyle choice now, so to criticize someone on their commitment choice is just silly, no?

Me? I can't do anything halfway. It's a blessing and a curse. Be it my job, my family, or whatever hobby I pick up, I go all in to the point that it drives my spouse batty. We have a lot of disagreements on this, and I love her, so I can't say that she's wrong and I'm right. She certainly would prefer a more casual approach. We had arguments years ago on the softball approach for this reason, that actually led to my oldest sitting out a season because softball was starting to effect our marriage and family life in a negative way (the arguing). We've long since come to terms but it was really due to my oldest daughters choices, not my own, however it has enabled me to pursue my overachieving ways.

Personally I can't speak enough about the benefit of trying to be the best that one can possibly be at SOMETHING at some point in their life. The sense of achievement that comes with trying ones absolute hardest and working as hard as they possibly can to achieve a goal is invaluable, even if that goal is not actually achieved. Many would disagree, however.

-W

 

[RubberBiscuit]

I have three kids.

First two decided they were going to skate through hs just putting in the minimum to get by. Heck that's what I did in school through sophomore year in hs (not in sports though).

DD took a different path. What balance of nature/nurture heck I don't know BUT I do know she NEEDS something to dedicate to.

I review the overall life-satisfaction from my three kids so far and I see DD leading by a mile. One of my other two has just made a stand and got his paramendic 2 yr degree and I am seeing him start to taste the joys of hard work and dedication.

I believe my third child is not going to get out of his current rut UNTIL he dedicates and goes after something.

So I share allot of same thoughts with you starsnuffer but I WILL go that extra step and suggest dedicating to SOMETHING IS BETTER. (my opinion based on my three kids thru high school)

 

[RubberBiscuit]

I have three kids.

First two decided they were going to skate through hs just putting in the minimum to get by. Heck that's what I did in school through sophomore year in hs (not in sports though).

DD took a different path. What balance of nature/nurture heck I don't know BUT I do know she NEEDS something to dedicate to.

I review the overall life-satisfaction IN my three kids so far and I see DD leading by a mile. One of my other two has just made a stand and got his paramendic 2 yr degree and I am seeing him start to taste the joys of hard work and dedication.

I believe my third child is not going to get out of his current rut UNTIL he dedicates and goes after something.

So I share allot of same thoughts with you starsnuffer but I WILL go that extra step and suggest dedicating to SOMETHING IS BETTER. (my opinion based on my three kids thru high school)

Clarification

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I would rather have a kid dedicate themselves to something, rather than nothing. I had 3 things growing up - roller skating, softball, and clarinet. Now, so many times kids only have that one thing. When that falls through, they are lost. They truly don't know what to do with themselves. When my great niece threw softball aside at 15, I was worried what she would replace it with. She immediately went to work. Good for her. But, laying on the couch is not a good option.

Everything in moderation - and if you are ready to pursue that one thing, by the time you hit HS, go for it.

 

[Sweet Lou]

One thing that I see that does not sit too well with me is the "slant" I see in here to overly criticize the choice to be and support the dedicated TB-A life.

TB-A is a huge time (and often $) commitment. It's not for everyone but for those who do choose it, if their DD and and parents love that, who am I to knock that?

 

[GOINGDEEP]

I've been around the diamond game a long time, the only other thing I've done more is sleep. It's what I enjoy, it's my therapy, it's my way of escaping. Even at 40 I'm still as much a student of the game as when I was 14, it is ever evolving.

I don't look down on people less informed/involved in ball, as there are many more informed/involved than I. ( except catchers ) I'm a humorist by nature and like to have fun around the fields, I hope none of my posts have been taken the wrong way.

If anything I'm scared to death. At the most my nephews and DD only have 3 years left of college ball, what am I to do after that? Actually sit at home and talk to the wife?

 

[JJsqueeze]

I am a serial nut job. What I mean is that over my life I have gone "all in" in whatever I have chosen to do. For about 15 years it was surfing. I would wake up at 4-5 am every day, was constantly aware of what the swells were doing, I chose my college because of it's proximity to good un-crowded surf, I chose my first job based on proximity to surf etc. Great time in my life and I got to the point where I could handle myself in some pretty heavy conditions. Then I had kids. I couldn't get after it like I did before with work and the grommets in tow so I dialed it back to a more enjoyable hobby.

Then it was my career, I had to find a way to get into a position to let my wife stay at home. So I dedicated all of my time to work to put myself in a position to get a promotion so we could afford for her to stay at home. I worked like a demon. People thought I was crazy. we are talking weekends, late late nights, anything to make sure that when there was an emergency, I was the one taking lead. After about 2 years of this, a position came up and I got the promotion and the wife was able to quit her job and stay at home with our toddlers. Once I was working at this speed I couldn't stop. I kept going until I burned out five years later and decided that I needed to work for myself to be happy.

So I worked my rear off at my own business, this was all I did, no project from any client was too small. After 3 years of this the business was in great shape, the daughters were old enough that they were in school and I discovered golf. I obsessed over that for 2 years and had a goal of becoming a single digit handicap. I played every chance I got, practiced every chance I got and got the handicap to 8, somewhere in the golf obsession the girls started getting good at softball and we started practicing together and I enjoyed it so much that softball killed golf and now I am obsessed with helping my daughters become better players.

I still surf when the conditions are good, I still play a round of golf here and there with buddies, I still strum the guitar (joint obsession with surfing from the college/single years) and I still work hard. But softball is the thing that I pour my spare energy into now. This will only last as long as the girl's interest does, but I doubt I will dial it down unless they lose interest.

One of my life lessons was that until I learned to go all in, I did not know what it meant to sacrifice for something and have to struggle to get good at it. But the lesson has served me well and I know what it takes to achieve now. This is the lesson I want the girls to learn. that in life you HAVE to find something that is bigger than yourself, that you can lose yourself in, that is challenging, that you enjoy, and then you go balls to the wall. Maybe it lasts a year, maybe a lifetime, but struggling with a challenge and then overcoming the challenge and being good or great at something is one of the great joys of life and FAR too many people never test themselves to find out how far they can go. So I say, go all out and try to get on the best TB team, spend the money and travel the nation, if the fire is still there, then go after playing in college. All you have to do is be a student of history to know that anything great has come from a singleness of purpose and great dedication. Dilettantes never achieve anything great, and nothing great is easy.


ps- not to imply that any of my achievements are great, they aren't but if I had continued what I was doing at 18 and never learned this lesson I would probably be using the prison rec room to type this.

pps- gotta go....Big Earl says its his turn.

 

[spleen1015]

Everything we do sports-wise is based on what DD wants. If she wants to be a TB-A player, she'll put in the work and make it happen. DW and I will be there to support her every step of the way because that is what you should do as parents.

We've had friends tell us we're crazy to give up a week long beach vacation just to go to a week long softball tournament. I've had more fun watching DD play travel softball and basketball than I ever have on a beach. The same people won't let their DD play travel basketball because they don't want to spend weekends in the gym. They need their couch time. GTFO! I'll have plenty of time for the couch when DD is grown up.

 

[softball_mom1999]

I am so torn about this. My DD loves softball. We love softball. But we love to be able to mow our lawn on occasion or spend time in our pool on the weekend and we love going to our church on Sunday and going to a movie or hang out with friends, travel, museums, participate in other sports, etc.

The softball choices in our area are either TB or school ball. There is no rec program and even the B-level is a tournament nearly every weekend. My DD has said TB is too much softball and school ball isn't enough. There is no happy balance we can achieve.

So, the reason I'm torn is because being "dedicated" in the TB world is to really have no time for other interests. I'm not sure that's healthy for anyone but I don't begrudge people who make that choice. Sometimes I long for being at the field and wish my DD was choosing it and other times I'm grateful she's not. We'd love to be dedicated to softball in a way that allows us to have other interests as well. Maybe this isn't pure enough dedication to the sport? I don't know, I don't think it makes her an underachiever or non-dedicated. I understand how some characterize the TB life as an obsession. But really, it's your life, choose your own path.