DD's bestie hates softball, but afraid to tell dad

[SoftSocDad]

It's the classic dilemma: what to do with knowledge that's none of your business, but which could potentially help - or hurt - a buddy.

DD comes to me and says, "I've figured out that _____ doesn't like softball."

"Oh? How'd you figure that out?"

"She told me."

The dad is a friend of mine and has one daughter that loves softball and she's really good at it. DD #2 is average, but because she's so mild-mannered and free-spirited by nature, her degree of effort on the field just seems like an extension of her personality. According to my DD, her friend doesn't want to tell her dad, because she thinks it will upset him.

DD has told my wife and me, but I advised her not to tell anyone else.

The dad isn't delusional about her abilities, but seems to have a pretty bad read on her interest level in the sport when talking about things like having her go to TB tryouts.

My general policy is to forget information I shouldn't even have, but how many of you would prefer at least a subtle hint or two about the truth from a buddy?

 

[quincy]

I would to love to hear it, does not even need to be a subtle hint. My defense mechanisms hit high gear as soon as DD comes up and I try keep them down and listen.

With that said it has never gone well when I have been the provider of the hints.

 

[KevinC]

I would not say anything because if your buddy confronts his DD about it she will know your DD spilled the beans. You don't want to cause any problems between your DD and her BFF.

Maybe when the time is right you could say something to him like "she doesn't seem as interested in softball as her sister".

 

[SoftSocDad]

My only advice to DD other than not to repeat what she'd been told in confidence was to encourage her friend to be honest with her dad, which is what she said she did. I guess that means I've done my part.

 

[joemcq51]

Definitely stay out of it. She could have made that comment to your DD for any number of reasons. Some kids just want a little drama. She may have not even been serious about it. Maybe she was having a bad day. I am sure that my DD has thrown that comment around to her Mom and friends, to try and get a little attention. If I called her bluff on it, she would go ballistic. Can't really buy in to what kids say to their friends. Stay out of it.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Encourage her to talk to her dad. I don't want a girl on the team that doesn't want to be there.

 

[sluggers]

I gotta go with Joe on this one... stay out of it.

 

[starsnuffer]

Stay out of it or suggest she talk to her dad.

Honestly, if she has something constructive she would be doing if it were not for softball (another interest/sport/hobby) she will be much more successful in engaging her parent then if she simply said, "I don't want to play softball, I'd rather watch TV and hang out with my friends".

Military school in Siberia might be a good alternative if she has no plan to fill in her free time currently.


-W

 

[undergroundga]

I agree. It is best just to stay out of it. And I would counsel dd to do the same.

 

[softballphreak]

It's possible that Dad is only in it for the older DD but now feels obligated to support the younger DD in it. Maybe the DD could redirect his attention to something she and/or he likes better.

I didn't find out until my DD's second year in college, I believe, that she thought I was disappointed that she didn't try to play in college. I wasn't upset at all. I only got into softball for her. Of course, I'm still in it, and she hasn't disappointed me at all. I don't believe she would have her Doctorate in Physical Therapy if she had played ball. I can't be disappointed with that.

There's much more to life than softball. There are many things you give up if you play/coach softball. I ask myself sometimes if I'm helping or hindering when I coach; because some of these people may not be aware of their sacrifices.