Brokenhearted BucketDAD

[itsagreatgame]

IAGG - I can kind of relate to you when my DD said this last August that she is "done with sb". This sent shockwaves through our circles and myself like nothing else (relative to sports). Luckily she ditched her boyfriend and got her head quickly screwed back on....

Question - does your DD now lose that year of eligeability or can she still play 4 years (just delayed a year) ?

Things can change so fast and it's good to know what the new plans could be to best help your little DD that will lovingly look to you for guidance.

Life is amazing......

Good question on the eligibility...not sure. As this thing continues to unfold it may not matter. Hard for a hardcore dad like me to come to grips with but it might be over. And so we move on....I love her more than the game!!

 

[Cannonball]

Itsagreatgame, you are not "blaming" the school because you are a good person. I would not be as kind. I want to make clear that I don't know the whole story BUT the process of recruitment is a 2 way street where agreements are made by parent and coach. You are trusting the most precious thing in your life to a a coach and a school. If promises were made, they have to be backed up. Schools have responsibilities as well. To be honest, I have never waited more than a day for a response from my dd's school. I expect that.

bucketdad, I'm sure you did your due diligence as well. I am sorry that this has happened but now this has to turn into a positive. What can your dd do now to get her GPA up? Can the coach/school find tutors for her? Can she find study partners? Are there classes that are mandatory but that are somewhat easier that can enable her to get her GPA up? I will say this, she still has an obligation to the team and so, she needs to search herself for what she needs to do as a teammate. She might need a serious sitdown with the coach. I once had a young man tryout for my HS basketball team. I was a freshman coach at that time. I was told to cut him. I was told he was ineligible. I was told that he was major trouble. I kept him on the team. I got after him unlike anyone else ever had. I found a tutor for him and made him study during basketball practice. He became eligible about half way through the season. He tried out then for baseball. I was a varsity assistant then and made sure he was on the team because he needed sports more than the sports teams needed him at that time. We had a deal that he had to act right (My act right and not his) and had to get the grades. Long story short, he appreciated it so much. That young man's picture is in my home office. He went on to play MLB. The signature say, "Thanks for believing in me when no one else would." So, you see, as with this young man, this situation will be what your dd wants to make of it.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I am not certain, but if she played any fall ball that counts as a year of eligibity.

 

[JAD]

IAGG - thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry that you and your DD are going through this, but I am praying that this turns out to be a positive "life lesson" for your DD. I am going to share your story and some of the posts on this thread with my DD in hopes that it will help her one day.....

 

[FrozenRope]

itsagreatgame, don't be too hard on yourself. I've learned very quickly as a relatively new softball dad that softball is a way of bonding with your little girl, and becoming a part of their life. A part of their life that they welcome you into with open arms, especially in the beginning. They learn to be daddy's little girl at a whole new level. To a point, this becomes an addiction to your relationship where you can't let it go, or you risk weakening that tight bond that it creates. It's easy to lose yourself in it, and just like any addiction, it can cause you to create sacrifice in all other aspects of both your lives to maintain that addiction. Obviously, there is no ill intention on your part, or that of your daughter, but it sounds to me you've fed that addiction to the point it has consumed you both to the point that you've lost touch with all things not softball. Now, you've come to a point in your daughter's life where you need to find a new bond. It's certainly not as much fun to have her bring out one of her textbooks and share her school work with you as it is for her to throw a few pitches to you, but it can create a new basis for that bond. Get involved with her schoowork. Don't drop that responsibility on her teammates, coaches, or administrators. YOU do it. You may think to yourself that you can't help her in her studies, as you're too far removed from school, but just think about how much time you invested in her softball career, and how much time you invested in learning what you needed to know to help her become the player she is today. It's no different. If you get involved in her educational development as much as you did her softball development, you'll likely build a new relationship with your daughter that can get you both back on track. You may even find that this will fuel a new fire for her desire to want to also succeed at the game you both love. Your challenge is to FIRST get her priority straight with academics, and then introduce softball as your "fun" time. Good Luck!!

 

[itsagreatgame]

itsagreatgame, don't be too hard on yourself. I've learned very quickly as a relatively new softball dad that softball is a way of bonding with your little girl, and becoming a part of their life. A part of their life that they welcome you into with open arms, especially in the beginning. They learn to be daddy's little girl at a whole new level. To a point, this becomes an addiction to your relationship where you can't let it go, or you risk weakening that tight bond that it creates. It's easy to lose yourself in it, and just like any addiction, it can cause you to create sacrifice in all other aspects of both your lives to maintain that addiction. Obviously, there is no ill intention on your part, or that of your daughter, but it sounds to me you've fed that addiction to the point it has consumed you both to the point that you've lost touch with all things not softball. Now, you've come to a point in your daughter's life where you need to find a new bond. It's certainly not as much fun to have her bring out one of her textbooks and share her school work with you as it is for her to throw a few pitches to you, but it can create a new basis for that bond. Get involved with her schoowork. Don't drop that responsibility on her teammates, coaches, or administrators. YOU do it. You may think to yourself that you can't help her in her studies, as you're too far removed from school, but just think about how much time you invested in her softball career, and how much time you invested in learning what you needed to know to help her become the player she is today. It's no different. If you get involved in her educational development as much as you did her softball development, you'll likely build a new relationship with your daughter that can get you both back on track. You may even find that this will fuel a new fire for her desire to want to also succeed at the game you both love. Your challenge is to FIRST get her priority straight with academics, and then introduce softball as your "fun" time. Good Luck!!

Thanks Frozen... its been a tough lesson for sure but as the dust has settled and we've had a chance to sort it out she seeems to be stepping back up to the plate. She is embarrassed #1 (all her words) for allowing herself to end up here. She is upset that she let me down and her coach. I really think some serious good is going to come out of this. I am learning to change my position as her father and to be supportive but letting her sink or swim with her choices. Its opened both of our eyes I think. thanks all!!

 

[Sparky Guy]

IAGG,

You and your DD are not alone when it comes to players leaving a team. Of the 6 other freshman who started on the college team with my DD only one other girl finished with my DD. Some never made it beyond the first fall season. Others left along the way.

A girl she played summer ball with had a very good scholarship to a top academic Big 10 school and fell into the drug scene. Came from a very good family with tons of support. Got a 2nd chance at another school and blew that opportunity.

There was a another girl from my area who held a couple of state records. Rumors were circulating that mom and dad were doing her homework and several other things for her. She went to college and was told to leave after her first semester. She had 1 fail and the rest of the classes were incomplete.

Know of another girl with close to a full ride who called the coach up 2 weeks before having to report for school and told the coach she changed her mind. She didn't want to leave her HS boyfriend.

What your DD has done is not irreversible. The change to college is tough. The professors expect the work to be done. A good coach knows it's a tough transition for some players. They need to keep on top of them, especially the first semester. That's when most of the them fail to make the adjustment.

Hopefully she'll learn from the experience and mature from it. Good luck to her.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

One thing we haven't touched on and it's always hard for us dad's to even think and is worse than grades making them ineligible is the "P" word. Pregnant!!

I'm no expert on the subject, and hope I never am, but I hear the schools can make you sign the pregnant clause in the athletic contract??

 

[tghorley]

itsagreatgame, thanks for taking the courage to tell your story on this board. Hopefully some of the comments will "heal" your disappointment and give you strength to be an even better parent than you already are. It seems like she has been awoken to the real world and with you standing behind her, she will make it and be a better person for it.

My DGD's parents and myself have started "teaching" her what her priorities should be for her at her age. School work is always number 1, no ifs, ands, or buts. Another thing we are trying to teach her is time management, prioritize those things that are expected and required of her and then things that she wants to do next. Hopefully this will help her if she goes to college.

And thanks for reminding us as parents and grandparents, are we supporting our daughters and granddaughters or are we pushing them and they are playing softball just to please us? And somehow, we sometimes have to ascertain are they still playing because they want or are they playing because we want them to and they are trying to please us. I am not saying this is what you did, but your story was a good reminder to me to reevaluate myself from time to time.

As the old saying goes, "Those who say parenting is easy, has never been a parent". Sounds like to me you are doing a pretty good job. Wish you success in the future.

 

[slingnit]

One thing we haven't touched on and it's always hard for us dad's to even think and is worse than grades making them ineligible is the "P" word. Pregnant!!

I'm no expert on the subject, and hope I never am, but I hear the schools can make you sign the pregnant clause in the athletic contract??

Yep, some boy tells your baby "I LOVE YOU" and the world changes! Not from personal experience but have seen it happen both ways(guy quits for girls) with friends kids. And lives changed forever.

You could say I am living thru my DD, but in all honesty I did some dumb things and did not take advantage of my opportunities in HS and don't want her to do the same. I know coming from dad it doesn't meen as much but I tell her:

"You have a chance to do what thousands of others would love to do! DON'T LOOK BACK AND DON'T HAVE ANY REGRETS! Do not be that thirty year old saying "I wish, I should, or I could have done this or that". After college it's over, no pros, no minors, no Olympics. You have no idea how lucky you are to be in this situation! Boys can wait, a job can wait. They will be there the rest of your life. College softball is a one time deal with a small window to do it, make the most of it"

I'm sure most dads have had similar conversations with there daughters, just had to get my rant out.