Brokenhearted BucketDAD

[itsagreatgame]

I'm sorry this has happened, but we all know it's reversible. I hope it's just one of those "things", she learns a lesson, and moves forward productively.

College is a hard choice by itself, add in sports and it doubles. Add in a social life, boy/girlfriend, parties, night life............it can be brutal.

Just curious and these might help other members as well. How much of an adjustment was it for her? How were her HS grades before college? What degree/field is she going for? Where do you think the "problem" is in her personal situation?

Its really hard to pinpoint one thing I guess. Right off the bat the fall ball experience was pretty lame. At best they had 4 players per practice...workout times and facility access were very unorganized. The "mandatory" study group every player was suppose to attend was not attended by any of the players. She tried to get a few of her teammates to work out with her and they had no desire to do so. She would want to stay after practice but no one would stay and workout. So on that level i think the deflation of her expectations of what playing there was going to be contributed to her overall view of school. To be honest I think that may have been the biggest let down....expecting one thing and seeing something completely different. Her HS grades were above average...she was a B-C student.

Enter the boyfriend...he was not an athlete or even in college...didn't have alot going for him. So, from a dads perspective I was shaking my head the entire time. She had a friend from HS that she ended up palling around with who was not very concerned with school....so all those ingredients combined I believe lead to this. Its a big responsibility to handle...especially if your coaches are not around and your not being influenced by other players in terms of study and working out, etc. I think also that when you come from a place of work ethic and committment to a place that you very quickly see is less than committed...she didn't know how to handle that and or change that and made the decision to just go along with the status quo. I remember skipping some classes to but I also knew that if my coach caught wind of it there would be hell to pay. all that being said...don't think for a minute some changes aren't coming in my expectations of her...she has to decide and then live with that decision. Its extremely hard to take that line after putting so much into it but its been said..She dug that hole and she is more than capable of getting back out.

 

[Coachmom]

Grades was one of my big worries too but my DD managed to make the grades for her first quarter of college life. She is eligible to play in spring but is suffering from tendonitis in the elbow from so much throwing during the fall. Doing some rehab and anti-inflam meds during holiday break has helped.
Several of DD's Freshman players have been suspended at least once so far. Her coaches are very strict. One girl suspended for inappropriate postings on insta-gram. A few have dropped from the team because it's just too much.
I am hoping that mine will stick it out and make it all the way through college but if she does not I am gonna love her just the same.

 

[Cannonball]

If you don't mind, I will weigh in some. Obviously, all of our dd's don't have the same experiences but I'd suggest that for those of you who are going through the recruitment process, this thread might bring up some issues you might ask about as your child gets recruited.

First, with the federal laws as they are, you have to have several documents signed and witnessed at the university in order for you, the parent, to get access to your child's grades. I've heard so many parents come with the line, "we're paying the bills" while standing in line that it makes me wonder why the system is so messed up. My Wife and I jointly went to my dd's school and signed all of the paperwork so that we can access our dd's grades at any time. Now, we have to find a way to get access to some of her bills. For example, she and her roommate went over $10 on her apartment utilities. So, when we finally found out, we had to pay the $10 plus the additional $10 late fee for each month that it was not paid. Cost us $50 total.

I admit that my dd is in a good place. Her coach goes randomly to player's classes each day. So, each hour, he is at a different player's classroom and they have to be in class 15 minutes early and have to be in the first row. No excuses! If a student is absent, they have to have some statement from the infirmary or Doctor. There is no getting out of class/skipping/showing up late. There is punishment involved for the team and so, teammates keep after the players who might cause the team to be punished. Coach demands a progress report for each class his players attend and that report has to be turned in at each week's player meeting. He talks to them for say 5 - 10 minutes each week and mostly as they are passing to classes but they have this sheet to turn in. No excuses! At the beginning of this year, a couple of new players showed up about 5 minutes before their class started. Coach was waiting for them. It did not go well for the team. It did not go well for these young ladies. As a parent, I really like that. My wife and I as well as my dd were told exactly how coach was by the players on our official visit.

Per grades, one other check that should have been in place is "study table" or "study hall" or... Every athlete at my dd's college has to attend. Oh some say that you can get away with missing some after your freshman year but can't miss at all your freshman year. I don't see how that happens since they have to check in with their ID card and that card is handed to a checkin person who checks the ID picture. From there, "study table" at least at DD's college involves those same grade checks and the opportunity to get some tutoring from students who work in this area. So, someone is always monitoring your progress.

Finally, dd is taking a course this spring that has a prerequisite that she be a junior in college and had taken a couple of other courses that she has not had. It is a required course for her major. I am somewhat upset that she was scheduled for this class. However, we have established a great report with the athletic's department counselor/advisor. We feel that we can ask him anything at any time. You need to do the same with your child's advisor. In making that contact, the advisor told us the number of girls in the softball program that had taken the class already and then said that my dd had planned to borrow two of their notebooks as resources since the class is being taught by another professor. In that way, when she misses class for makeup games, she still won't be that far behind. The ability to have members of the sports teams serve as resources for each class is so important. JMHO!

 

[CoachFP]

ROI?? I was fortunate enough to have attended college on a football scholarship so I fully under stand the committment it takes. AS for the resuming my career... I carry and tie rebar/building bridges...set steel on powerhouses and skyscrapers so I know what a hard days work and bumps and bruises are all about. Regardless if she ever plays again...i just want her to get back to the books and get that degree. As far as the selling off everthing and giving up my career (for the most part) to give the opportunities she's had...I'd do it all again in a heartbeat!! Just tough to see it happen to your daughter thats all! This to shall pass..........

I think its more tough on you than your daughter. Don't feel sorry for yourself. If she is going to goof off then she is getting what she deserves.

 

[itsagreatgame]

If you don't mind, I will weigh in some. Obviously, all of our dd's don't have the same experiences but I'd suggest that for those of you who are going through the recruitment process, this thread might bring up some issues you might ask about as your child gets recruited.

First, with the federal laws as they are, you have to have several documents signed and witnessed at the university in order for you, the parent, to get access to your child's grades. I've heard so many parents come with the line, "we're paying the bills" while standing in line that it makes me wonder why the system is so messed up. My Wife and I jointly went to my dd's school and signed all of the paperwork so that we can access our dd's grades at any time. Now, we have to find a way to get access to some of her bills. For example, she and her roommate went over $10 on her apartment utilities. So, when we finally found out, we had to pay the $10 plus the additional $10 late fee for each month that it was not paid. Cost us $50 total.

I admit that my dd is in a good place. Her coach goes randomly to player's classes each day. So, each hour, he is at a different player's classroom and they have to be in class 15 minutes early and have to be in the first row. No excuses! If a student is absent, they have to have some statement from the infirmary or Doctor. There is no getting out of class/skipping/showing up late. There is punishment involved for the team and so, teammates keep after the players who might cause the team to be punished. Coach demands a progress report for each class his players attend and that report has to be turned in at each week's player meeting. He talks to them for say 5 - 10 minutes each week and mostly as they are passing to classes but they have this sheet to turn in. No excuses! At the beginning of this year, a couple of new players showed up about 5 minutes before their class started. Coach was waiting for them. It did not go well for the team. It did not go well for these young ladies. As a parent, I really like that. My wife and I as well as my dd were told exactly how coach was by the players on our official visit.

Per grades, one other check that should have been in place is "study table" or "study hall" or... Every athlete at my dd's college has to attend. Oh some say that you can get away with missing some after your freshman year but can't miss at all your freshman year. I don't see how that happens since they have to check in with their ID card and that card is handed to a checkin person who checks the ID picture. From there, "study table" at least at DD's college involves those same grade checks and the opportunity to get some tutoring from students who work in this area. So, someone is always monitoring your progress.

Finally, dd is taking a course this spring that has a prerequisite that she be a junior in college and had taken a couple of other courses that she has not had. It is a required course for her major. I am somewhat upset that she was scheduled for this class. However, we have established a great report with the athletic's department counselor/advisor. We feel that we can ask him anything at any time. You need to do the same with your child's advisor. In making that contact, the advisor told us the number of girls in the softball program that had taken the class already and then said that my dd had planned to borrow two of their notebooks as resources since the class is being taught by another professor. In that way, when she misses class for makeup games, she still won't be that far behind. The ability to have members of the sports teams serve as resources for each class is so important. JMHO!

Well said! I am in no way "blaming" the school (I know your not suggesting that at all) for my daughters predicament BUT alot of what you stated is exactly what we were told would happen. Study table...coach checking in...etc. I signed all the consent forms that gave me access to her grades...the professors never updated anything. I called that school I bet 4 different times requesting to speak with an advisor about these issues...not one call back!! The line I got when she was being recruited was "I treat all our kids like D1 recruits". My dd is not a D1 caliber player but I am fully aware of what D1 commitment is and thats what we wanted. So parents be wary of JC and smaller schools that promise this stuff. In the end its still up to the student to get her butt to class and make the grade. Good post Cannonball!!

 

[GOINGDEEP]

Its really hard to pinpoint one thing I guess. Right off the bat the fall ball experience was pretty lame. At best they had 4 players per practice...workout times and facility access were very unorganized. The "mandatory" study group every player was suppose to attend was not attended by any of the players. She tried to get a few of her teammates to work out with her and they had no desire to do so. She would want to stay after practice but no one would stay and workout. So on that level i think the deflation of her expectations of what playing there was going to be contributed to her overall view of school. To be honest I think that may have been the biggest let down....expecting one thing and seeing something completely different. Her HS grades were above average...she was a B-C student.

I took about 60 seconds to decide where I was going to college, I've spent the past YEAR trying to "help" my daughter decide where to go. I got seduced by the college night life, and surely didn't want that for my daughter.

Mine ultimately decided Juco too. But I did a lot of investigation before that choice, behind the scenes from current and former players. All his former and current players had nothing but good things to say about him, the school, and the program.

The deal was set on the official visit. Campus was nice, her courses set up great around ball, her main courses will be taken at the large JC grounds, but somedays she can take courses at the satelite facility 5 mins up the road from home.



The official visit was interesting. Funny thing was he/coach played for the same travelball baseball org as my older brother, but the JC coach was 3 years ahead of my brother so they never played "on" the same team. He took over the HC position for the softball team in 04', for the two years prior they hadn't won a single game. ( not one stinking game ) He has really stepped up the program and works a great deal on their acedemics and had 9 all Americans.

I still think to this day that someone gave him a heads up on just how to reel me in, like a dang fish on a hook. We took the tour, went thought he administrative process, he showed us how all his players have over a C+, showed us the list of prospective players from the southeast area.............and then he went in for the kill...........we started talking baseball.

He has managed the Memphis Royals semi-pro baseball team for the past 29 years, compiling a record of 1024-362. In 2010, the Royals went 40-5 and won the American Semi Pro Baseball Association World Series. He has guided the Royals to two United States Baseball Congress World Series (USBC) championships (1999 and 2009), five American Amateur Baseball Congress (AABC) state championships, two AABC regional runners-up, one National Amateur Baseball Federation (NABF) regional championship, and two NABF regional runners-up. In 1999, he managed the Royals to a 67-1 record in 1999, winning their first 55 games en route to capturing the USBC World Series and the Universal Baseball Global Championships. In 2000, he was honored as the AABC Southeast Region Coach of the Year and in 2002 he was inducted in the National Semi Pro Baseball Hall of Fame.

By the time he was over DD had fallen asleep and I'm ready to sign up to play myself.

But like you, I'll be on here next year when we are officially in to let you know if it was worth it.

 

[Mr T]

ROI?? I was fortunate enough to have attended college on a football scholarship so I fully under stand the committment it takes. AS for the resuming my career... I carry and tie rebar/building bridges...set steel on powerhouses and skyscrapers so I know what a hard days work and bumps and bruises are all about. Regardless if she ever plays again...i just want her to get back to the books and get that degree. As far as the selling off everthing and giving up my career (for the most part) to give the opportunities she's had...I'd do it all again in a heartbeat!! Just tough to see it happen to your daughter thats all! This to shall pass..........

My apologies for the rant. Like I said it wasn't necessarily aimed at you. In fact after reading more you sound like a real good guy and a good dad. Hope your daughter's collegiate experience takes a big turn for the better.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

IAGG - I can kind of relate to you when my DD said this last August that she is "done with sb". This sent shockwaves through our circles and myself like nothing else (relative to sports). Luckily she ditched her boyfriend and got her head quickly screwed back on....

Question - does your DD now lose that year of eligeability or can she still play 4 years (just delayed a year) ?

Things can change so fast and it's good to know what the new plans could be to best help your little DD that will lovingly look to you for guidance.

Life is amazing......

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I have been told that a majority of players grade average drops 1 whole point in college. So, coaches need to really look at the athletes HS grades, before bringing them into the program.

I would imagine that a coach would want to see that his/her pitchers are making it to class. This coach didn't do that.

Itsagreatgame, Did your DD continue to live at home or was she on campus?

 

[itsagreatgame]

I have been told that a majority of players grade average drops 1 whole point in college. So, coaches need to really look at the athletes HS grades, before bringing them into the program.

I would imagine that a coach would want to see that his/her pitchers are making it to class. This coach didn't do that.

Itsagreatgame, Did your DD continue to live at home or was she on campus?

Amy, she continue to live at home. The fallout is that they may not be able to field a team as some players have decided not to return. I feel bad about that but....

I took a major step to try and figure this out by seeking some professional counsel and found that I may have had as much to do with it as she did. Tough to come to grips with that but my relationship with my daughter is more important to me than ANY softball game. Its been a really interesting day!!!! WOW!!!! Hard for any dad to realize that he may have wanted more than she did....don't know that for certain but if so....time to put this all behind us and get to new territory and get on with new common ground.