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Not sure what kinds of things you're talking about. Can you give examples?
If that means networking and making friends so that people know about you and your daughter, then sure. If it means being a good softball parent - getting your kid to practices on time, helping her with her game outside of practice, coaching her to have a good attitude and hustle and be a good teammate, behaving yourself at tournaments, volunteering to put out the bases, etc., basically all the things that coaches want in a parent - then of course. Coaches want good parents, and I plan to deliver that.
But if it means pretending to be someone's friend, or sucking up to people, or wanting to be an assistant so that you can get your daughter a particular position, then I'm not a fan of that. That would be cheating other kids, IMO.
Coaches do play favorites, no doubt in my mind. However I think you have it wrong on why they do. There are certain kids that always give everything they have on every game, every play. Coaches recognize this and they do favor those kids somewhat but it is more about being a better player/competitor than anything else. SCDad, I would bet your dd is treated more favorably because of her on field talents than your behind the scene "networking". This type of favortism is to be expected as you want the best attitude, best effort, and the best skills on the field. You should probably give your dd a little more credit for having these coaches think so favorably of her The daddy ball favortism is something entirely different.
JJsqueeze
Dad, Husband....legend
Jeez. If I had to work back channels "constantly" as you say, I would have all of the joy taken out of softball. I prefer to spend that time helping my daughters be better players and let their playing take care of all of that for me. If a situation arises where I need to work a back channel I will. Now if by back channel you mean chatting with people, being friendly and having fun at games and team functions? Then I'm all for that, I just don't do it with an agenda- that is just creepy.
My $0.02 on the original post....
1) As a coach I would never promise a girl a particular position. I would promise her a spot on the team, but everyone has to EARN her spot on the field.
2) Middle infielders (SS and 2B) need to be interchangeable. When their gloves are equivalent, put the stronger arm at SS.
3) Everyone makes errors, but some kids seem to "melt" under pressure in key situations.
4) If you have good pitching, 2B will probably make more plays than SS.
5) I have not met many 16U B-level travel ball coach who would cut players mid-season. Players may see diminished playing time, but rarely have they been "cut".
6) We have not invited back some very good players in the past because of their parents.....we have also cut very good players at tryouts because of their psycho softball parents.
7) You should seek an impartial opinion of your DD and her abilities. A lot of parents wear rose colored glasses when evaluating their DD.
8) If your DD is truly unhappy, you are free to change teams whenever you would like, but the grass is NOT always greener in the other dugout!
1) As a coach I would never promise a girl a particular position. I would promise her a spot on the team, but everyone has to EARN her spot on the field.
2) Middle infielders (SS and 2B) need to be interchangeable. When their gloves are equivalent, put the stronger arm at SS.
3) Everyone makes errors, but some kids seem to "melt" under pressure in key situations.
4) If you have good pitching, 2B will probably make more plays than SS.
5) I have not met many 16U B-level travel ball coach who would cut players mid-season. Players may see diminished playing time, but rarely have they been "cut".
6) We have not invited back some very good players in the past because of their parents.....we have also cut very good players at tryouts because of their psycho softball parents.
7) You should seek an impartial opinion of your DD and her abilities. A lot of parents wear rose colored glasses when evaluating their DD.
8) If your DD is truly unhappy, you are free to change teams whenever you would like, but the grass is NOT always greener in the other dugout!
Its funny how I never hear people complain about the coach who is harder on his own kid then every other kid. The coach who goes out of his way to not show favoritism and favors every kid over his/her own. I never hear anyone say, you know if Joe would start his kid at catcher we would be a better team. I never hear that complaint. But I have seen it happen with my own eyes at least 3 times. A coach weakening his own team to keep from showing favoritism. But no one complains about how that hurts the team.
- Apr 16, 2013
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I think we should also face some other facts... USUALLY the coaches kid is the best or one of the best on the team. Those kids have fathers/mothers that are highly involved with their kids and practicing. Sometimes it may be overbearing parents. Sometimes it's just parents that enjoy being a part of their DD's experience. I don't think I've been on a team where the coaches kid wasn't given a fair shake when I honestly assessed the kid's abilities. I've been on a team where the coaches kid wasn't that great, and true to form the kiid was in left field most of the time, with some time at 3rd, and lower in the batting order. Most of the better kids that were playing SS belonged there.
Over the years there's only one time I can think of where there was favoritism. Sometimes it was deserved and sometimes it wasn't. The coach had 2 sons (baseball). One ALWAYS played SS and one always switched with my DD at 2nd. Anytime my DD was traded with him at 2nd I grumbled. This coach has become more of a friend this year and I heard him saying of this son, "He just stinks at the outfield, 2nd base will be better for him". Well, I stopped and thought about it... yeah, the kid can't track a ball to save his life but my DD can. So, in hindsight, it wasn't bad that she played OF. Sure, his other son did get the favoritism as my DD could have played SS too. However, his other son was obviously more athletically gifted over the one that swapped at 2nd with my DD. It's give and take.
It's been said before, the only way to assure your spot is to be so good the coach "can't not" play you. At this point, my DD has practiced hard at where she wants to play. She loves pitching and playing first. She's about the only kid that can scoop a ball on both sides and she's tall. When not pitching (and some catching) she's at first, ALWAYS, on every team. She's actually the best catcher on her current travel team, but she's so good at first that she rarely plays catcher. It's just an obvious choice. She's not near as good at second and SS. She doesn't want those positions and doesn't work to it, and she NEVER plays those positions anymore. Point being, if your DD wants a spot, then she needs to be so good that it's the only obvious choice for the spot.
Over the years there's only one time I can think of where there was favoritism. Sometimes it was deserved and sometimes it wasn't. The coach had 2 sons (baseball). One ALWAYS played SS and one always switched with my DD at 2nd. Anytime my DD was traded with him at 2nd I grumbled. This coach has become more of a friend this year and I heard him saying of this son, "He just stinks at the outfield, 2nd base will be better for him". Well, I stopped and thought about it... yeah, the kid can't track a ball to save his life but my DD can. So, in hindsight, it wasn't bad that she played OF. Sure, his other son did get the favoritism as my DD could have played SS too. However, his other son was obviously more athletically gifted over the one that swapped at 2nd with my DD. It's give and take.
It's been said before, the only way to assure your spot is to be so good the coach "can't not" play you. At this point, my DD has practiced hard at where she wants to play. She loves pitching and playing first. She's about the only kid that can scoop a ball on both sides and she's tall. When not pitching (and some catching) she's at first, ALWAYS, on every team. She's actually the best catcher on her current travel team, but she's so good at first that she rarely plays catcher. It's just an obvious choice. She's not near as good at second and SS. She doesn't want those positions and doesn't work to it, and she NEVER plays those positions anymore. Point being, if your DD wants a spot, then she needs to be so good that it's the only obvious choice for the spot.
Funny story about "daddy ball"....a few years ago, a friend of my DD left her current TB team to go play for a newly formed TB team. The girls mother told me it was going to be great because the head coach did not have a daughter on the team, so there would not be any "daddy ball" - the head coach had played softball in college and now gave hitting lessons at a local indoor facility. Well about 1/2 way through the season I ran into the mother and asked her how things were going....her response was classic....."well, there is no 'daddy ball', but somehow every player that starts takes paid batting lessons from the HC"......LMAO!
It is not hard to be nice to people all the time. To always say nice things, or say nothing at all. To let the coaches coach, and not focus conversations to the softball field. Be someone who others can talk to, not make judgments about them, and not talk about softball. Other than praising others for good plays on the field.
It is not sucking up. I don't do any special favors for coaches. Sure the regular things, but don't buy them dinner either. When others want to argue, or fight, try to mediate without taking sides. Coaches usually make the best decisions they can. If you can step back and analyze these decisions, even if it goes against your DD, the reason usually holds merit.
There are always times when coaching decisions do not work in your favor. Take the high road, support the coach even then, and you will be surprised how over time the decisions all of a sudden go your way.
Look at the game from a different perspective. If your DD is on the field competing, it is a good day. Your reputation, and your DD's reputation, is formed over time. Never, ever be negative, and eventually the softball world, almost like magic becomes much, much rosier for you and DD.
It helps for your DD to be a difference maker on the team. Playing from any position on the field, be a player who makes keys plays on offense or defense to win games. After every good softball game there are usually about 4 players who made the difference and made the team win. Be one of those players the majority of the time, and the game comes to you, instead of the opposite. My player is not the best player, but has won enough games with her play, that coaches seem to gravitate toward her and give her enough attention.
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SCD - I'm behind you on all of this. Good post. That's not crossing any lines that I see. The tipping point is whether parents are doing favors strictly for the purpose of getting paid back. Is there an ulterior motive? I see a lot more of that in high school football in the South. Booster buys the team some expensive equipment. Here's a softball example - Got a friend who has hired the high school coach to be his middle school daughter's hitting coach, and he's become close to the coach. That's fine, but did that happen naturally, or is it an attempt to make it very hard for that high school coach to keep his daughter off the varsity? I don't believe in playing that game.
