10YR Old Ready To Shut-it Down

[The Maj]

Every time I hear/read something like this, it pisses me off. Every person involved with 10U softball - players, coaches, parents - care a hell of a lot about 10U softball. How much does 10U mean in the big picture of a player who plays all the way through college? Maybe not much. Or, maybe a lot. For my DD, her path in the game changed from rec to TB in 10U, and thus started down the (intended) road towards playing college ball. Same is true for a lot of players I know. What my DD's 8U all-star team mattered, too. It mattered to her, her teammates, and every family involved.

That said, being that my DD is only a 12U player, maybe I'm too naive to know what I'm talking about.

It shouldn't piss you off... maybe "no one cares" is not the correct aspect or take on the subject but at 10U parents tend to put so much emphasis on softball that they tend to drive their kids away from softball... Relax, let the kids be kids, let them enjoy the game - the love of the game, not the "success" at 10U is what will keep them playing for years to come... When the game becomes a grind on the kid, most kids are going to walk away... I had an 11 yo that came to me for batting practice literally beg me to talk to her dad last year - good kid, talented kid but 18U expectations placed on an 11 yo kid made her begin to hate the game and she is not even playing now...

 

[JAD]

I would push for your DD to finish the fall, then give her some time away from softball. My DD enjoyed playing basketball and volleyball in the winter. By the time Spring rolls around she should be ready to play softball again.

 

[Chaz McNulty]

What is it about that quote that you don't like? With some colleges looking at and verballing 14U players, Eric F brings up a good point that some players may have the dream of playing in college some day, even at a young age.

Heck, my DD attended an overnight UCLA softball camp as a 9YO and had a great time with her softball friends and the college players were amazing with these young players, full of encouragement, etc. But I guess 10U softball is meaningless....

My two daughters are both in the highest level (rep A) for BC (we don't have travel teams - Just rep A, rep B, and House). One is 10 and one is 12. My intended result is for them to have fun, play the game at the highest level possible for them, meet friends, stay busy, and have great family outings. The cherry on the cake would be college ball, but at 10U I let my daughter determine when we practice (outside of team practices). I encourage but don't push.

 

[sluggers]

My point about 10U softball is this:

10U softball is has a bunch of prepubescent children running around. From a basic parenting point of view, these kids should be playing softball and having fun. They should be trying to find stuff they enjoy, not having a sport shoved down their children's throats.

At this age, kids should be trying lots of different activities...art, band, choir, soccer, basketball, whatever. Parents should be helping the child find the stuff *THE CHILD* likes, not what the parent wants. Why? Because to be "good", the child has to like the activity enough to want to practice several hours a week for years--and the only way you are going to get a teenage girl to do that is if she likes it.

From a pitcher training point of view, there is very little to be gained by pushing a kid at this age. In two years this girl is going to get a whole new body, which probably has no resemblance to her current body. (And, when the girl gets that new body...the little 10YOA girl is gone, and she won't be back.) She will be stronger, faster and smarter. When she gets the "new body" *then* the kid needs to get serious about pitching.

Up until then, as long as the kid is throwing a little bit and having a good time, she'll be fine.

 

[wheresmycar]

Hello All,
I am a heartbroken dad. My DD (10) said she was bored with softball and bored with pitching this weekend. I automatically went into negative mode, then as I was ranting to her realized she is probably just burnt out. She started pitching almost a year ago and has practiced 4-5 days per week nearly every week since (we have taken a few week long breaks). Plus the team practices and tourneys. Does anyone have any advise on how to keep her from going sour to softball? I'm not to proud to say some of this is probably because of me constantly pushing her. I force her at times to practice, but now regret it. I told her she needed to at least finish the fall season as we have already committed. I would hate to see her quit or even take an extended break as she has come a long way in a short time with pitching. I'm sure others have gone through this, so please share your experiences. Thanks TB

Ok... you have managed to burn out your 10u DD in only 12 months of pitching... And it is too late to stop her from "going sour", she is sour on softball.

1. Recognize, you have lost perspective... you must let go of your "goals", and let your DD establish her own goals. Maybe pitching is no longer one of her goals... and that is ok.
2. Immediately stop any practice outside of team practice, UNLESS your DD initiates it. And I mean today. If she doesn't want to practice pitching... don't. Without motivation, your are just wasting time anyway. I'd also stop any lessons as well... until your DD indicates she wants to start back up.
3. Tell DD it would be good to honor her commitment to team, but DO NOT force her to do this. Four months of forced softball will kill off any affection she might still have for the game.
4. Assuming she does stick it out with team, talk to coach about making her the #2 pitcher, or even not pitching at all. A little time watching someone else in the circle, might re-ignite her competitive spark. How this might affect the team's season does not matter... A good coach will be more concerned with your DDs well being, then how her absence might impact the handful of tournaments over the next few months. Your DD is not the last pitcher on earth... she can be replaced. That in-itself, is a valuable lesson for her to learn.
5. You must dig DEEP, and rid yourself of the resentment you obviously feel towards your DD for wanting to give up pitching. Any time you start to feel those negative feelings rise up, you must quickly squash them and remind yourself, this is about her, not YOU.

 

[Snotbubbles]

My wife and I were just talking about 10u last week.
We named the pitchers on DD's 10u team who pitched while she sat on the bench and watched.
Emily, Maddie, Rachel, Keri all pitched while DD rode the bench.
Last week DD made the same team at 14u that Maggie Balint played for. Those other pitchers who took time from DD at 10u?
Only 1 still pitches and she is lucky to get junk time on a weak "B" team.. DD is getting better each day.

When DD was in 10u it meant so much to me and my wife. Now we realize that Sluggers may be right. In the grand scheme of things it really matters little.

Here's a thought for OP... your DD is 10. Look at what most 10 year olds are into
They really are just kids!

Oh and to add...
DD's 10u coach asked her to tryout for his 14u team in early August. He hadn't seen her play in 2 years. He was so blown away that he made her an offer on the spot. That's not a brag, he has an okay team. It's just proof that people (him) think that a kids skills at 10u are an indication of their future ability. My DD is proof that they are not.

I've been doing research of organizations for my DD. She's still 10u but when she reaches 14u I hope she is good enough to make the Chaos team.

 

[Il softball fan]

"5. You must dig DEEP, and rid yourself of the resentment you obviously feel towards your DD for wanting to give up pitching. Any time you start to feel those negative feelings rise up, you must quickly squash them and remind yourself, this is about her, not YOU."

Lots of good posts and advise on this thread, but the above is spot on. I once was that softball obsessed dad that loved the game and forced my DD to practice too much, and be more involve than she wanted. My dd eventually decided to play again. A forced year off due to medical reason made her miss it. Dad FORCING her to play had nothing to do with it. I had to (at 12u) consciously DECIDE to step away and let the softball journey be about DD, and NOT ABOUT DAD. It was costing mine and DDs relationship to suffer greatly, so I went from assistant coach, and forced practices through the week to just another dad sitting on the sidelines and it was the best thing that I ever did.

To the OP.....at 10U, you are way, way, way, too involved, and forcing way to much out of a 10 year old child. As has been said by previous posters, I agree with having your DD play out her commitment to the team. If she hates it that much and it is fight to get her to go to games then I would tell the coach to start looking for a replacement/sub player for her and let her be done. No forced practices. She needs a break and is telling you so. If you don't listen, she may decide softball is just not for her. She wouldn't be the first girl to not be a softball player, and won't be the last.

 

[Eric F]

It shouldn't piss you off... maybe "no one cares" is not the correct aspect or take on the subject but at 10U parents tend to put so much emphasis on softball that they tend to drive their kids away from softball... Relax, let the kids be kids, let them enjoy the game - the love of the game, not the "success" at 10U is what will keep them playing for years to come... When the game becomes a grind on the kid, most kids are going to walk away... I had an 11 yo that came to me for batting practice literally beg me to talk to her dad last year - good kid, talented kid but 18U expectations placed on an 11 yo kid made her begin to hate the game and she is not even playing now...

It pisses me off because it discounts how much it means to the kids and families who are in the middle of it. Clearly, no future coach will give a damn that my DD's 8U rec all-star team won the District Championship title 3 years ago. To the 12 kids that busted their @$$ all summer learning new skills, and giving every bit of their effort to win those games, it meant a great deal. To the people who say that an 8yo doesn't know/care if they've won the game (I've heard/read that a lot), I call BS on that, too. My kid and her teammates knew very well when they won or lost. Three years later, that little District Championship trophy on the shelf among her other trophies is still one of the ones my DD is most proud of. Not because of what it means to everyone else, but because of what it meant to her, and how much effort she put in to earning it.

I agree that some parents tend to push their kids too hard, or put them in a situation where the coaches are demanding too much, or focus too much on winning. That certainly happens far more than it should, and I've seen it happen with a few of my DD's former teammates from rec ball who jumped into TB looking for a "top" team rather than one where there is more emphasis on player development. Some of those players have now quit the game. Those stories break my heart. TB doesn't have to be that way, and not every team is that way.

"Just let them have fun..." What do you do with the kids that have clearly outgrown the rec league? For some kids, not being challenged becomes boring in a hurry. It starts to lose the "fun" when you have to hold your game back because your teammates are afraid to catch your throws. For some kids, being challenged and being successful when their limits are being pushed is what makes the game fun.

My approach is this...I want to give my DD the opportunity to reach her goals. They are her goals, and this is her journey. My job is to guide (not push) her down the road, and do my best to keep the doors open ahead of her. If she decides to change her goals, or change her road completely, that's fine. We may have some discussion about a specific decision, and DW and I may offer our guidance or opinions, but ultimately the decision on how she moves forward is my DD's - even things as small as how much work she does outside of the team.

 

[ddtimes4]

Tbennet....hang in there. Posting about it is a good first step - u recognize that u are pushing the envelope. I have been in that position before. Working with dd 1 @ 2 have been completely different journies so far. This last time, Dd#2 was 10 and completely shut herself down last year. It was incredibly hard to do but I completely ignored softball with her and focused on other things that she did well. She came back with a vengeance and is working harding than ever now. There little minds think sometimes that all we care about is softball with them. Good Luck.

 

[grcsftbll]

There's a lot of middle ground between playing rec and being forced to practice 5 days a week under protest, & to act as #1 pitcher when you don't even want to pitch.

I will freely admit that 10U softball means a lot to me, and to my husband (in addition to how much it means to our 9 year old). It takes up a huge percentage of our free time and occupies a large part of my brain at most times. I think the "no one cares about 10U" is more about relaxing about her performance, not caring so much whether or not she "stays sharp," and focusing more on learning and having fun (assuming taking a break renews her interest).