Breakup guilt

DD is leaving her team, and while I think it's the best move, it's still very hard. Just looking for some sympathy, but open-minded to second-guessing also.

Former team is a showcase team, and DD is the first player to get an offer and commit. I really appreciate what her coach did for her and what he's trying to build, which will become harder without DD. DD is not the best player on the team, but is an important piece. Coach will respect and support her decision, but also made a case for loyalty. Made the argument that now that she's reached shore (committed), that she can help others get there too. And while that might sound selfish, I get the idea of playing for something bigger than yourself. This is not a big name program, so it's not easy to replace key players.

But, new team is stronger and should better prepare her for college ball. New team also has the endorsement of her future college coach. DD is much more motivated by the challenge of the new team than returning to the old one. She wants to be on a team where every player in the dugout is very motivated to play hard and play at the next level. Old team has some of that, but not enough. That's DD's biggest complaint. She is having an easier time with this than I am.

Also, she's not leaving mid-season. Previous team's schedule is basically the calendar year.

Thoughts?

This is tough and if you think this is best for your DD than do it.

My feelings: I would want my DD to stay with current team and help build it especially if they are the team that got her to where she is today. I think that much is owed. The competitive nature of the team seems minimal in affecting how your DD is viewed by college coaches and since the season is over, I would suspect she would be a large marketing tool to pull in like minded girls to build a much more competitive team. I tell my girls that I coach that they are the first girls that will graduate from our TB program and go on to college and that their effort is paving the way for our 12U girls.

Congrats on your DD's commit. That's a huge accomplishment.

Jquick823 said:

This is tough and if you think this is best for your DD than do it.

My feelings: I would want my DD to stay with current team and help build it especially if they are the team that got her to where she is today. I think that much is owed. The competitive nature of the team seems minimal in affecting how your DD is viewed by college coaches and since the season is over, I would suspect she would be a large marketing tool to pull in like minded girls to build a much more competitive team. I tell my girls that I coach that they are the first girls that will graduate from our TB program and go on to college and that their effort is paving the way for our 12U girls.

Congrats on your DD's commit. That's a huge accomplishment.

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Thanks. This is definitely an argument for staying. FYI, I should add that this is not a team that DD has been on for a long time, and this team is not the main reason that she got recruited or offered. The team did play a good schedule and helped get her recruited by other schools. It definitely helped her. But this particular college offer came from going to a camp and from the relationship that the college coach had with another coach who knew DD outside of her travel team. Not discounting what the TB team did to help her development, but just want to make sure it doesn't sound like ''Girl up and leaves team after 6 seasons right after team worked so hard to get her a scholly offer.'' It's not quite like that. And in addition, unfortunately, she just doesn't want to play for them any more. Wish I could change that, but that's where it is.

We were very much in a position like this. In the end, your dd has to want to be on either team. She has made her choice. I'd support that. We did the same. Also, your dd will be walking into a very competitive environment when she shows up for that college team. She needs to have the best foundation available. It isn't a matter of leaving one team for another. It is a matter of what is best to prepare her for college ball.

Cannonball said:

We were very much in a position like this. In the end, your dd has to want to be on either team. She has made her choice. I'd support that. We did the same. Also, your dd will be walking into a very competitive environment when she shows up for that college team. She needs to have the best foundation available. It isn't a matter of leaving one team for another. It is a matter of what is best to prepare her for college ball.

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Thanks. Yes, I think the decision to move on is clear cut. You are right that she will be walking into a very competitive environment when she shows up in college, and I do think my DD is basically saying she needs something different and more competitive to get her ready for that. Hard to argue with that. It's still hard to disappoint another team that didn't really do anything wrong.

Nimrod said:

Thanks. Yes, I think the decision to move on is clear cut. You are right that she will be walking into a very competitive environment when she shows up in college, and I do think my DD is basically saying she needs something different and more competitive to get her ready for that. Hard to argue with that. It's still hard to disappoint another team that didn't really do anything wrong.

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A lot of us have been in that situation.

DD #3 recently left a C level team for a B level team, which is a little better. The C level team was actually better than many B teams in this area.

At the time, it was extremely difficult for both DD and me to leave the team. We had a great relationship with the coaches and players on the old team. The old HC lives a few blocks away, and does some teaching in a local school, so all my kids knew her from school as well. It was harder than I could've imagined to leave the team. Once I was able to look back on the situation more clearly, it was obvious. DD #3 is on a stronger team, with a great coach, and instead of being the only starting pitcher she is one of 2 very strong starters.

In the end, I had to do what was best for DD. When she finally made the decision, I supported her.

Nimrod said:

Thanks. Yes, I think the decision to move on is clear cut. You are right that she will be walking into a very competitive environment when she shows up in college, and I do think my DD is basically saying she needs something different and more competitive to get her ready for that. Hard to argue with that. It's still hard to disappoint another team that didn't really do anything wrong.

Click to expand...

A lot of us have been in that situation.

DD #3 recently left a C level team for a B level team, which is a little better. The C level team was actually better than many B teams in this area.

At the time, it was extremely difficult for both DD and me to leave the team. We had a great relationship with the coaches and players on the old team. The old HC lives a few blocks away, and does some teaching in a local school, so all my kids knew her from school as well. It was harder than I could've imagined to leave the team. Once I was able to look back on the situation more clearly, it was obvious. DD #3 is on a stronger team, with a great coach, and instead of being the only starting pitcher she is one of 2 very strong starters.

In the end, I had to do what was best for DD. When she finally made the decision, I supported her.

It is tough leaving a team that you have been with for years, especially if it is not a marquee team and your DD helped build it from scratch....but at 16U you need to do what is best for your DD's recruiting and preparing to play in college.

We are only 10u, so it's not the same. But my daughter played 2 years of rec ball, had her first season of all stars then 8u travel ball with the same coach. We became friends and our daughters are best friends. But our dd just needed a higher level of play. We left his team this year for an A team. It was an agonizing experience for us but also the best thing for our dd.

It's a tough situation.

Nimrod said:

New team also has the endorsement of her future college coach.

Thoughts?

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what does this mean, exactly?
I can guess what it means, and am not too keen on the idea of travel teams carrying the "endorsements" of college coaches.