Telling the coach to take a hike...or burning bridges?

[Razor011]

At the end of the 2019 season I emailed the AC of my DD’s 1st year 16U team and told him she would not be coming back to the team. (He was supposed to take over as HC).

After the first two tournaments DD had the best batting avg on the team, and she was probably the best fielder, but they continued to bat her last and sub her in and out of left field with the worst player on the team.

I gave AC all the numbers. He emailed back that he was sorry I felt that way and hoped it wouldn’t affect our friendship. He was her first coach in LL when she was 8.

It’s all good and that team folded anyway and our DDs play on another team together and carpool with each other.

I’ve looked at all the numbers, but I don’t think the coach’s have!


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[Razor011]

For the coach not to give specific feedback as to what needs worked on is a bunch of BS IMO. That said, You say your DD is a catcher and then go on to say all she does about it. The real question is, how much time does she actually practice her craft? How much time a week does she specifically practice dropping and blocking? How about throwdowns to second and snaps to 1st and 3rd? What about popping from the knees or throwing from the knees? Proper throwing mechanics in general to increase arm speed? Fielding bunts? And all of this needs to be done outside of catching lessons, catching for pitchers, team practices, etc. Just putting on gear and catching some pitches at a pitching lesson does not a catcher make much to the dismay of 1 of my bottom 3 players. She was a catcher but never saw the back side of the plate more than once. Why? Because her throwing mechanics were crap and she had to rainbow the ball 40' in the air to make it to second on a throwdown. She wouldn't/couldn't drop and block and didn't put the time in to get better. OTOH, I had another player that put the extra time in on her craft and she played 95% of the time behind the plate. If your DD wants to be a good catcher, she needs to put 5-6 hours of work at it a week including a one hour lesson. That's what I meant by being outworked and/or not working on the right things.

I get exactly what your saying! And she does all of those things! She has a beautiful bullet on throw downs. She can block with the best of them on the team. He has even said to her that he doesn’t know what to tell her because she is so flexible she can get into tight positions to block some tough balls. She does drills at night, throwing mechanic exercises, and throw downs at least 3 times a week. She stays after at school practices for extra hitting and fielding and throw down work. She goes in early to warm up pitchers from the other school teams and uses that as blocking practice, etc. And at catching lessons, she goes in with specific questions about things and asks to focus on specific areas of the position. Her catching instructor loves her because she genuinely wants to learn and asks to really work on some of the boring aspects. Is she perfect? Absolutely not! Do we butt heads often? Absolutely! But we have told her to work hard and she would see the chance to prove herself and she doesn’t even get that. In team practices, they very, very rarely practice the catcher position, so she can’t prove herself there. It’s typically the same infield and outfield drills every week. Last night at 9:00 she was on the high school field, just her and her dad, the only 2 out there under the lights, throwing down. It’s just crushing to see her put so much effort and heart AND to have the ability, yet no one ever ask to see it, even in practice.


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[radness]

I get exactly what your saying! And she does all of those things! She has a beautiful bullet on throw downs. She can block with the best of them on the team. He has even said to her that he doesn’t know what to tell her because she is so flexible she can get into tight positions to block some tough balls. She does drills at night, throwing mechanic exercises, and throw downs at least 3 times a week. She stays after at school practices for extra hitting and fielding and throw down work. She goes in early to warm up pitchers from the other school teams and uses that as blocking practice, etc. And at catching lessons, she goes in with specific questions about things and asks to focus on specific areas of the position. Her catching instructor loves her because she genuinely wants to learn and asks to really work on some of the boring aspects. Is she perfect? Absolutely not! Do we butt heads often? Absolutely! But we have told her to work hard and she would see the chance to prove herself and she doesn’t even get that. In team practices, they very, very rarely practice the catcher position, so she can’t prove herself there. It’s typically the same infield and outfield drills every week. Last night at 9:00 she was on the high school field, just her and her dad, the only 2 out there under the lights, throwing down. It’s just crushing to see her put so much effort and heart AND to have the ability, yet no one ever ask to see it, even in practice.


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Appears your daughter has elevated herself beyond what the coach's level is!

Good strategy needs to be used in fastpitch this includes the catcher.
Do your research, contact a coach who recognizes this.
Give your dd the continued opportunity to grow her skills.

 

[Razor011]

Appears your daughter has elevated herself beyond what the coach's level is!

I wouldn’t go that far, but I would like a fair evaluation to see how far she has come on the field.


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[radness]

I wouldn’t go that far, but I would like a fair evaluation to see how far she has come on the field.


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* Not everyone has the same goals.

Player & Coaching goals may be different.
This should be paid attention to when selecting teams!
Very important when selecting college ball too!

 

[PDM]

On another thread, Razor011 detailed frustration over how DD's team had a favorite 9 and 3 bench players. Part of the coach's "criteria" for getting playing time was game performance. How do you get game performance when coach doesn't put you in the game? Many respondents agreed it was a bad situation and time to move on.
As I read through it, my blood started to boil a little bit and it made me want to tell the coach off, and not be very polite about it. For those of you who have been through an experience like this and left a team, have you explained why you were leaving or even had a few choice words for the coach? Did any listen to what you were saying? Did it get ugly? Do you regret the approach you took? Did it feel great to get it off your chest?

Unless the coach asks why you are leaving, don't bother trying to explain once your decision is made. If they really care, they will ask. Many coaches will try to justify their decisions. If so, just say you disagree, with no elaboration, and walk away before they insult either your daughter or your intelligence and it turns into an argument. it's not worth it. Just know that you are doing the right thing by leaving and finding a better situation.

 

[uncdrew]

We're in a bit of that situation now as we try to put together next year's team. We need a pitcher, and there'a a pitcher available. But her father is a grade A jerk. Almost every parent on the team has had a run in with him at one time or another (he was a rec coach for a while), and none of us like the idea of bringing that crap into a pretty solid and close-knit group. I'm especially sensitive to it, because as the top (and only returning) pitcher on the team, she'll take a lot of his commentary, and I don't know for sure that I'll be able to not have it out with him.

But we don't want to penalize the daughter for her father's past behavior. And pitchers are hard to find, and even this shortened season has nearly killed my daughter's arm. She's not going to get any offers anywhere else for the same reasons, or at least that is what we are hearing. Our coach had the conversation with him, and he said all the right things, but I know him well enough to know what he'll do.

I told our coach I trust her and I'll back her no matter what she decides.. My daughter is on the fence, too, because she said the daughter is pretty nice (she's been a couple of practices) but she remembers the dad and his family razzing her pretty hard in rec ball.

So, like everyone has said, this is a small world, and everyone should remember their behavior is often remembered.

So has he and his daughter been kicked off your team yet?

 

[whiporee]

So has he and his daughter been kicked off your team yet?

No. Actually I was told last night that we offered her. My daughter said she's happy to have the pitching relief, and the coach hasn't talked to me about it. So we'll see how it goes, but not the answer I was hoping for. Though hopefully it will help my daughter to not have to throw every inning like she did this year.

 

[Jreyes63]

As a dad I got tested on this for the 1st time last month. Daughter, 14, joined a 16u travel team (15 players) here in Socal in May. DD was already on her school's varsity team before covid, throws consistently 58-60 as RHP,1st. & 3rd. She attended every practice, workout, friendlies, and hussled throughout. She absolutely loves her teammates and coaches and was touted #2 by the coach behind a starting 17yr, which was fine by us, we wanted her to learn. Then we went to the tourney in Utah last month for (7) games total, My daughter starts the 2nd game with the 2nd unit and is pulled during the 1st inning after giving up 4 runs from a mashing team who hit on outside and high pitches. I didn't question the decision, you have to do what you need to do to win, we end up losing 12-5. At the end of the game I hear the coach telling the group that "you have to make the most of your shot and opportunities, I don't want to have to put my 1st team in to win every game", (which i know she was directing at my daughter) then to the side the coach tells my daughter she now going to be the reliever for the rest of the tournament to the #3 who finished the game. She never played nor batted at the tournament, maybe warmed up twice, and we ended up being 3 and 4 overall. Also that team DD faced ended up scoring 85+ runs, the most across 140 teams that attended the tourney, 14u-18u. She was still a great teammate throughout even though she was disappointed.

I had to bite my tongue at every game in Utah with my wife giving me that look as squeezed my fists tight. Mind you too DD can hit, was #6 on her varsity and could easily bat #7-#9 on this 1st team and even more so on the 2nd team, along with other positions she can play, but never got a chance. I know they didn't give her a fair shake, whether it was her age or because we joined the club later. I believe the coach had girls they were comfortable with and favored since some of them had been playing before January with the team. In the end I had a talk with my daughter that she just had to work harder and longer than anyone else at her next practices and make it difficult not to stand out.

Currently, the organization is making changes, coach might not be there anymore, and now wants her team to stay with her and form they're own team. We'll pass.

 

[livingontheroad]

If you cant play at teams level.....you dont belong on team.

Coach has to be upfront when offerring positions....expect lots of playing time....OR...we will work with her, but expect limited playing time... Or...special use player....pinch runner...etc....then players choose destiny.

That is how competitive softball works.