Telling the coach to take a hike...or burning bridges?

[gator5]

To those who changed teams and were satisfied with how the HC utilized your DD what changed?

Did the new team HC explain his goals and how DD could contribute?

I'm a HS coach and we always have kids who need extra help just to be average.
At the preseason parents meeting I always state that playing time is earned by energy, effort, and performance. I'm not saying we never have problems but laying out expectations certainly helps keep them to a minimum.

The new coach said my daughter would be allowed to pitch in Showcase games when college coaches were present. Old team would not let her. I was sold. Got a D1 offer within 3 months. (75% of full ride tooO

 

[whiporee]

This ^^^.

I know a couple of good players that have missed out on good opportunities because of the behavior of their parents.

We're in a bit of that situation now as we try to put together next year's team. We need a pitcher, and there'a a pitcher available. But her father is a grade A jerk. Almost every parent on the team has had a run in with him at one time or another (he was a rec coach for a while), and none of us like the idea of bringing that crap into a pretty solid and close-knit group. I'm especially sensitive to it, because as the top (and only returning) pitcher on the team, she'll take a lot of his commentary, and I don't know for sure that I'll be able to not have it out with him.

But we don't want to penalize the daughter for her father's past behavior. And pitchers are hard to find, and even this shortened season has nearly killed my daughter's arm. She's not going to get any offers anywhere else for the same reasons, or at least that is what we are hearing. Our coach had the conversation with him, and he said all the right things, but I know him well enough to know what he'll do.

I told our coach I trust her and I'll back her no matter what she decides.. My daughter is on the fence, too, because she said the daughter is pretty nice (she's been a couple of practices) but she remembers the dad and his family razzing her pretty hard in rec ball.

So, like everyone has said, this is a small world, and everyone should remember their behavior is often remembered.

 

[Orange Socks]

Here's one way to do it...

Wait until one of the final games of the season, in the biggest and best tournament the team has ever played, with multiple D1 coaches watching (including Patty Gasso!), walk over to the dugout in the middle of an inning, tell your DD to pack up her $#!+, scream at the coaches, and keep yelling as you and your DD leave the field. Even better, get another parent to do it with you, too!

Yes, this happened. Please don't be those people.

The Hissy Quit!

 

[Eric F]

The Hissy Quit!

This was the pinnacle example of the hissy-quit, in my experience...so far.

 

[GoRight]

My daughter left a team near the end of the 14u season. They only had Nationals left. The reasoning was she got benched early in the Spring and never saw the field again. Why? At the time she was one of the teams catchers but she can also play 1st, 3rd and RF. Speed is not her strength so she usually catches or plays 1B. She will go anywhere asked. It was early Spring, I think we were playing a double header friendly. She was coming off some tendinitis in the elbow but was cleared to play. She made two bad throws to second. The opposing coach said loudly “keep running we will take that all day.”! Well I guess that bothered our coach enough that she pulled her out and she never saw defense again that season anywhere. Look I understand the frustration at the time but she should have given her a chance later to redeem herself. I also think that was poor sportsmanship for the other coach to say that loudly. All I know is my DD constantly asked that coach what she needed to do to get back in on defense. She just said keep working hard. And she was. Always polite (honestly was one of those kids that let people push her around a little bit. She’s a little better at standing up for herself now.) so we left for a team that not only played her a lot on defense but she did really well that remainder of that year. Do we regret it? No. Why did we do it? Because at 14 a player doesn’t develop never seeing game time. We did not tell the coach off. We explained why and left. I got a phone call from a parent blasting us on leaving the team with one catcher for Nationals. We didn’t. I knew she had another player that could play in an emergency. They also ended up picking up a player that went them, if I remember correctly. My answer to that parent was “I’m sorry but I have to look out for my kid’s mental well being and player development too.” She was ready to give up playing.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Northball]

The new coach said my daughter would be allowed to pitch in Showcase games when college coaches were present. Old team would not let her. I was sold. Got a D1 offer within 3 months. (75% of full ride tooO

Wow! Sounds like old coaches had their heads up their behinds!

 

[Northball]

...her father is a grade A jerk. Almost every parent on the team has had a run in with him at one time or another (he was a rec coach for a while), and none of us like the idea of bringing that crap into a pretty solid and close-knit group....But we don't want to penalize the daughter for her father's past behavior.

I wouldn't allow a cancer into the group. But if you really feel for the pitcher, how about a conditional return. He watches from the outfield only and keeps his mouth shut unless it's something positive. Otherwise his daughter doesn't play. Gotta be ready to enforce it during a game because boundaries would probably be tested.

 

[Lobster Birch]

At the end of the 2019 season I emailed the AC of my DD’s 1st year 16U team and told him she would not be coming back to the team. (He was supposed to take over as HC).

After the first two tournaments DD had the best batting avg on the team, and she was probably the best fielder, but they continued to bat her last and sub her in and out of left field with the worst player on the team.

I gave AC all the numbers. He emailed back that he was sorry I felt that way and hoped it wouldn’t affect our friendship. He was her first coach in LL when she was 8.

It’s all good and that team folded anyway and our DDs play on another team together and carpool with each other.

 

[YOCOACH]

my DD has approached the coach at least 4 times asking for feedback and areas for improvement, every time the response is the same “just keep working hard”. He never gives specifics so she’s flying blind on what to work on. She goes to hitting lessons weekly, catching lessons weekly, and catches for one of the team pitchers weekly, and catches her sister’s pitching weekly.,She is at every practice.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

For the coach not to give specific feedback as to what needs worked on is a bunch of BS IMO. That said, You say your DD is a catcher and then go on to say all she does about it. The real question is, how much time does she actually practice her craft? How much time a week does she specifically practice dropping and blocking? How about throwdowns to second and snaps to 1st and 3rd? What about popping from the knees or throwing from the knees? Proper throwing mechanics in general to increase arm speed? Fielding bunts? And all of this needs to be done outside of catching lessons, catching for pitchers, team practices, etc. Just putting on gear and catching some pitches at a pitching lesson does not a catcher make much to the dismay of 1 of my bottom 3 players. She was a catcher but never saw the back side of the plate more than once. Why? Because her throwing mechanics were crap and she had to rainbow the ball 40' in the air to make it to second on a throwdown. She wouldn't/couldn't drop and block and didn't put the time in to get better. OTOH, I had another player that put the extra time in on her craft and she played 95% of the time behind the plate. If your DD wants to be a good catcher, she needs to put 5-6 hours of work at it a week including a one hour lesson. That's what I meant by being outworked and/or not working on the right things.

 

[radness]

I wouldn't allow a cancer into the group. But if you really feel for the pitcher, how about a conditional return. He watches from the outfield only and keeps his mouth shut unless it's something positive. Otherwise his daughter doesn't play. Gotta be ready to enforce it during a game because boundaries would probably be tested.

This situation with an adult that needs to be regulated will cause internal issues that cant be controlled.
imo~ Unnecessary regardless of the player.

Think of it this way.
How many players on the roster? Thats what you coach.
Then theres the parents you shouldnt have to be a disciplinary counselor!.
How many parental regulating/rules/issues
Are you willing to tackle?
That arent softball related because its verbal toxic junk?
1, 2, 8 All of them?

Many stories of a crappy parent that coaches do nothing about.
Avoid it in the 1st place!

A healthy team starts with healthy people!!!

Toxic team can have one toxic person drive others away!