Telling the coach to take a hike...or burning bridges?

[JumboJack]

The (very) high road. I've told this story elsewhere here, so you might be getting a second dose.

Daughter decided to quit. We already had at least one team lined up for next year. She was injured and when she got better, they didn't return her to the lineup even in showcases. Furthermore, they NEVER spoke to her about it. So we decided to quit on a Friday after two tournament games. But it turned out our squad of 15 girls would be cut to 12 the following day because three girls would be out for the ACT.

So my daughter came to me and said "Dad - I think we should wait until tomorrow, because they'll only have 11 players if I quit today." I praised my daughter for that very mature decision and that's what we did. The following game, my daughter sat the first game and played a tiny bit in the second game before she was taken out when the ACT girls showed up. Here is the entirety of my "talk" with the coaches:



I asked my daughter if she had anything to add, and she said "I love this team" and I got chocked up. The coaches said something about "wishing you the best" and "I hope you get the playing time you want" but I didn't really listen. The whole conversation start to finish took about 30 seconds

 

[Strike2]

Practice time should determine game playing time. During the game then you can make adjustments based on game performance.
You should always be honest and upfront about your DD’s standing on the team.
You also have to be realistic. Is your DD really an upgrade from the starting 9 or are you just upset because your not seeing much return on investment?
Be honest with yourself and evaluate your DD’s skill set from a coach’s perspective not a parents perspective.
I currently have two two just turned 15yr olds playing on same 18U team.
One DD is the best player on the team pitching, fielding, hitting, throwing. She plays every inning of every game.
2nd DD was taken as a favor to me because coach really wanted 1st DD.
She is a “reserve” player but practices with the team and does everything they do.
In 4 tournaments she hasn’t played the field yet. She had one at bat and lined-out to 2nd on a nice giving play by 2nd baseperson. She pinch ran for pitcher one time as well.
She is in the lower 3rd skill wise but isn’t the worst player on the team. She is actually becoming a good hitter.
My intention was to have her get some quality practice time and earn any playing time she might receive by beating other girls out.
Honestly I would have her as DP and bat only for the most part. Maybe play a little OF, 2nd or catch in a blowout win/loss.
Bottom line you have know your DD’s talent level and be realistic with playing time expectations.
Coaches recently told me DD #2 is at every practice, can tell she is working with me because she is improving in all facets of her game, is working hard at practices, and they will play her more in our last two tournaments.
That’s really all you can expect. Good coaches that see progress being made and reward the hard work.

What kind of 18U team is this?

If it's anything less than a high dollar top-tier team that only plays big tournaments, there is no reason a competent player who puts forth solid effort and isn't even the "worst" can't get some playing time. We bat everyone and rotate heavily during pool games with many of the better players sitting multiple innings. We sometimes win no matter what we do, but nobody gets worked up over a pool game loss unless there's a lack of focus. Unless someone such as a catcher or pitcher has been designated to take a game off, everyone still rotates in to some degree during bracket play. We don't have anyone who can't play defense, but a few are too vulnerable at the plate against decent pitching. We lock it down to nine only when we're in a real dog fight.

 

[BT3100]

One thing I've learned during these years of ball is that the game takes care of these grudges.

 

[Eric F]

So true. I know a family that is banned from about 6 organizations based on their actions towards one coaching staff.

Small, small, small world. Be a good person.

This ^^^.

I know a couple of good players that have missed out on good opportunities because of the behavior of their parents.

 

[gator5]

My DD left a team for that reason. Coach had it out for her, which was silly when it's an 11 YO. She was arguably one of the best kids on the team as well (i am real hard on my kid and don't give accolades so not looking through a parents eyes, just talent). DD was very frustrated but i had her play out her commitment then we moved along. Got a VM from the coach that summer asking why we weren't at tryouts and saying there was a spot for her on the team. Needless to say there was no call back and we moved along.

I applaud you for playing out your commitment. I think at the end of the day, your daughter will remember that keeping your word is a huge deal to you.

We were in pretty much the same situation as you but at 16u, and we too kept our commitment. Even though I was [way too] prepared to talk to the coaches and tell the why we were leaving, she wisely stepped in and said she would handle it. She handled it with 100 times more class than I would have.

The move to the new team could not have been better.

 

[NBECoach]

To those who changed teams and were satisfied with how the HC utilized your DD what changed?

Did the new team HC explain his goals and how DD could contribute?

I'm a HS coach and we always have kids who need extra help just to be average.
At the preseason parents meeting I always state that playing time is earned by energy, effort, and performance. I'm not saying we never have problems but laying out expectations certainly helps keep them to a minimum.

 

[quincy]

My biggest concern is that it would affect my DD's relationships with other players.

I know they are a jerk and DD knows they are a jerk. No reason for you to tell the coach so they can tell thier DD and other players your DD is no good.

Not saying this quite right but you get the idea.

 

[Strike2]

To those who changed teams and were satisfied with how the HC utilized your DD what changed?

Did the new team HC explain his goals and how DD could contribute?

I'm a HS coach and we always have kids who need extra help just to be average.
At the preseason parents meeting I always state that playing time is earned by energy, effort, and performance. I'm not saying we never have problems but laying out expectations certainly helps keep them to a minimum.

For many, HS ball is a three month sideshow that everyone puts up with. You can't choose your HS as easily as you can choose your TB team, but there's typically far more money involved in TB and more at stake. When switching TB teams, it's usually an issue of fit. That might mean filling a need on the gaining team, or it could be finding a team with more compatible goals. DD switched teams a few years ago not because of playing time, but because too many on the current team weren't interested in getting better. There were no promises made by the new HC, just that we'd be playing ball and DD would be on the team. In fact, while she didn't play any less, DD moved down substantially in the batting order from where she was on her old team.

 

[YoungBuck]

The lesson, which applies all the way through college, is this: Softball is supposed to be played, not watched. Your DD's softball career is short. Find a team where she will play.

Great advice (from Sluggers).

 

[Strike2]

My biggest concern is that it would affect my DD's relationships with other players.

I know they are a jerk and DD knows they are a jerk. No reason for you to tell the coach so they can tell thier DD and other players your DD is no good.

Not saying this quite right but you get the idea.

The vast majority of the time, the players know what's up. They know who is good and who isn't, and who the jerk is.