Youth sports--if your child doesn't love it, let her leave it.

[SCDad]

Your daughter chose not to pursue softball at a higher level so that she could focus on being more feminine?

Exactly. This aspect of a young females mind is of great importance to them. I understand, because I listen and study what is going on, and what she says. Most Dads do not do this. Most Dads have a wife who takes care of much of this.

You are exactly right. Talk to your wife. She knows. Probably tries to explain ...

DD was looked upon as being a butch. Did not like it. Did not want to be part of that club. That is it in a nutshell. Tough subject to talk about. Started taking care of her appearance. started wearing make-up., lost weight.

Yet still plays a mean game of ball and is quite happy. The mind of a young female is extremely complicated. The issue of being feminine creeps in. Becomes important.

She is much, much happier now ... Than before.

This will happen to over 99% of softball player? It is fact. Most, if not all, are in denial. Once college starts, for those who make it that far ... It is game on.

 

[JJsqueeze]

This sounds admirable from a parents perspective.

What if your DD's weakness is social? What happens when she has no friends and sits in the lunchroom alone? If when she is on the softball field and she treats dad like crap, because she does not want to be there? How do you explain when at the very upper levels of softball, the ones who succeed are male dominated species who are big, carry some extra weight, and have the objective in life that is only aggressive in nature? These are the questions.

Softball is a high performance sport. I get that. Mine has proven she can thrive in that environment. Has done so since 4 years old to now. But then she figures out that she wants to be a lady. Struggles with the social aspects of being just that. You tell me?

As much as I love my DD ... She is still a women!! And society has shown us over and over that focusing on the necessary social stills to be just that can benefit a talented young lady many times over ... Than competing against a bunch on she-males. (Sorry folks ... It is appropriate).

That is the real question here. Make your own choices. We have made ours, and are proud of it.

Mine "could" have made it. Chose not to. As a parent looking in and talking to her, it is the issue of what being feminine is about more than

I am surprised you can go through as many years of being a softball dad as you have and come out the other end spouting this kind of nonsense. One of the foundations of our sport is the belief that being athletic is NOT at odds with being feminine or being a woman. I love softball exactly because it allows a place for inclusion for girls and women who do NOT fit some petrified version of what a woman should be.

Tell yourself whatever you want about why your DD can't /won't cut it at the next level, but don't drag other people down with by insulting them.

 

[SCDad]

Have to wonder how his comments will be received by his daughters "she-male" teammates? Quite the sense of community they have going on there.

None of these comments were made about teammates. Please do not take it out of context. It is the most difficult part of the sport to try to make conversation. It does exist though. To deny it is naive.

There is a reason pro softball players, pro basketball players, many female sports struggle. This aspect of it so integral and I probably put my mouth to far forward. It is what it is.

Please do not try to harm me for presenting the apparent.

 

[riseball]

Exactly. This aspect of a young females mind is of great importance to them. I understand, because I listen and study what is going on, and what she says. Most Dads do not do this. Most Dads have a wife who takes care of much of this.

You are exactly right. Talk to your wife. She knows. Probably tries to explain ...

DD was looked upon as being a butch. Did not like it. Did not want to be part of that club. That is it in a nutshell. Tough subject to talk about. Started taking care of her appearance. started wearing make-up., lost weight.

Yet still plays a mean game of ball and is quite happy. The mind of a young female is extremely complicated. The issue of being feminine creeps in. Becomes important.

She is much, much happier now ... Than before.

This will happen to over 99% of softball player? It is fact. Most, if not all, are in denial. Once college starts, for those who make it that far ... It is game on.

So your daughter struggles with her sexual identity so you throw other young ladies under the bus to make yourself feel better? Don't think that will get you many nominations for parent of the year.

 

[riseball]

None of these comments were made about teammates. Please do not take it out of context. It is the most difficult part of the sport to try to make conversation. It does exist though. To deny it is naive.

There is a reason pro softball players, pro basketball players, many female sports struggle. This aspect of it so integral and I probably put my mouth to far forward. It is what it is.

Please do not try to harm me for presenting the apparent.

That does make your comments in any way acceptable.

 

[SCDad]

So your daughter struggles with her sexual identity so you throw other young ladies under the bus to make yourself feel better? Don't think that will get you many nominations for parent of the year.

My DD does not struggle with her Identity. No one was thrown under the bus.

It is just a story about my life from a man who is the primary caregiver to his DD. Most have wives.

relax ... It is not a big deal. Just can be a big deal to a 16 year old and deciding where she belongs in her little life. To try to explain to this group will only meet with negativity.

I will cease. There is a reason this board has readers full of parents of young DD's. It serves a valuable purpose. As does the game of softball.

But the female young mind operates at levels the Male Parent has no clue. So go ahead. Push your DD. Don't listen to a male who has done everything in his power to raise his DD on his own. And in the process, studied every move she made and tried to figure out why.

Softball is a great game. college softball is a great game. Some females, like mine have great success. Eventually for every single one of us dads ... Our DD's. Will want to be a wife and have kids. It is at the forefront of their minds at 16 years old.

 

[BobInMadison]

Among some people, softball has a reputation for being a sport for lesbians. Yes, there are lesbians who play softball, and good for them. I am glad they have a hobby that makes them happy. As for the lesbian leagues, I am glad for them they can get the social and competitive and sports all together in one activity.

Some softball players are rather large women. There were 3 softball players in this county who got athletic scholarships: a 6' 1" pitcher got a softball scholarship to a lesser D1 school, a 6' 0" 1B got a rowing scholarship to UW (to be fair, she was one of the best female HS rowers in the country), and another pitcher, height unknown, got a softball scholarship to a D1 college. OTOH, many of the best HS and middle school base stealers in this part of town are fairly small girls who are either half Asian or full-blooded Asian.

Some softball players are tomboys. OTOH, I know some who are really girly girls. I once wondered why DD #1 had very intricate nails done right before a softball tournament, until I noticed another girl on her team had even more intricate nails. Some of the girls can be strong competitors and still very feminine. I took DD #1 to a HS softball banquet once, and all the girls were in their prettiest dresses, looking very feminine. (Similar for my son's rowing club. At the awards banquet, the boys generally wear what they wore in practice, but almost all of the girls change to pretty dresses).

Softball as a sport can accommodate the feminine and the tomboys. Softball is big enough for boy-crazy girls, lesbians, and girls who aren't really into dating yet. There is room in the sport for large girls and small girls, esp. if the small girls are fast.

DD #3 recently played in a tournament on an all-star team with a lot of girls who just don't look like anyone's stereotype of a softball player. DD #3 is really skinny (could be due to her Asian blood), but people are surprised by how hard she whacks the ball and how hard she throws a pitch. The other starting pitcher is tiny, but can really pitch. Another girl on the team was obese, but made some of the most amazing catches in the OF.

As for me, I like the idea that the butch and feminine, the lesbian and straight, the tall and short, the fat and the skinny, the outgoing and the socially inept, can all find a place in softball.

 

[Michael N]

After a third season rife with injuries my DD decided she no longer wants to play travel softball . I can't say as I blame her it was a loooong ugly season for her . A concussion took her out for half of the HS season , a knee injury for part of the travel season and a nagging back problem plagued her all season long . She enjoyed being with her team and when she was healthy enjoyed playing but the healthy portions of her softball life were getting shorter and shorter . She still plans to try out for her HS team and is hoping that an actual off season , not just the week between the season ending and tryouts and fall workouts beginning , will let her get her back issue sorted out and healed up enough that she can enjoy it . If that goes well she may look for a team in the spring or early summer but if she doesn't oh well . Its been a fun ride and I am glad I got to go along on it with her .

 

[BobInMadison]

After a third season rife with injuries my DD decided she no longer wants to play travel softball . I can't say as I blame her it was a loooong ugly season for her . A concussion took her out for half of the HS season , a knee injury for part of the travel season and a nagging back problem plagued her all season long . She enjoyed being with her team and when she was healthy enjoyed playing but the healthy portions of her softball life were getting shorter and shorter . She still plans to try out for her HS team and is hoping that an actual off season , not just the week between the season ending and tryouts and fall workouts beginning , will let her get her back issue sorted out and healed up enough that she can enjoy it . If that goes well she may look for a team in the spring or early summer but if it doesn't oh well . Its been a fun ride and I am glad I got to go along on it with her .

I wish her the best. Sometimes some time off from sports is necessary for healing. I once heard an interview on the radio with Tommy John. He said healing and recovery time is one of the most important parts of sports. He should know.

 

[rocktheball]

8 year old wants to quit. Should I let her?

Pretty long thread so if this has already been discussed i'm sorry. What about an 8 year old? My daughter is scheduled to go to a tryout in a week and has over the last month went back and forth on if she wants to play or not. We go practice one day and she has a great time and loves it. Next day, she hates it the entire time and says over and over "I want to quit! I hate softball!" I plan on making her play because I feel at 8 years old she doesn't understand if she quits it could put her back in developing the skills. She is also scheduled to start pitching lessons because she told me she wanted to pitch and has been practicing for a few months now. Acts like she loves it, then the next day, "I want to quit." What should I do?