struggling with DD's motivation and love of the game…advice?

[Sparky Guy]

All of it is too much structure. I would ideally like the kids to go out and do, and figure it out by watching others, emulating them, and doing so with friends, but those days are gone. I'd prefer they have the chance to watch their parents or older siblings engage in the activity, but that seems gone, too.

Have you ever REALLY given any structured lessons to a player??? I can't tell you the number of kids I've worked with who've never had a lesson in their life who are doing all kinds of things wrong. I will ask them if they are trying to copy what they see the older pitchers do. Pretty much all of them will say, "yes." Then I have to break them down to rid them of all the bad mechanics before starting to teach them.

 

[Sparky Guy]

WM...

That picture is hilarious!!! Did you hijack my web cam? Is that what I look like when I read an OILF post?

 

[Greenmonsters]

All of it is too much structure. I would ideally like the kids to go out and do, and figure it out by watching others, emulating them, and doing so with friends, but those days are gone. I'd prefer they have the chance to watch their parents or older siblings engage in the activity, but that seems gone, too.

At the young ages, group lessons are far better, and the result of all this private coaching is athletes who do too much thinking, too much being self conscious, and too much self-centeredness. Form is not results. They don't have time to become athletes. They have trouble adapting to change or making adjustments; they get rigid in thinking.

Never mind the ridiculous cost. A lot of this make the adults happy because like I say, they feel less anxious if the kid learns or practices more; More is where the bad habits come from if you ask me. Adults want scholarships, too. The result is a kid who quits or never makes it to the college stage. Again, if this what you want to risk, go for it. You will have a perfect 12 year old I guess (oh I forgot we are here to find flaws in our players), but as many parents of kids who quit the team before in or college, no college athlete. So why not let go early, they may end up the best pianist at Carnegie Hall. And that's fine, too.

And they'll accomplish this by taking group piano lessons and figuring it out on their own, too, right?

 

[Easton33]

All of it is too much structure. I would ideally like the kids to go out and do, and figure it out by watching others, emulating them, and doing so with friends, but those days are gone. I'd prefer they have the chance to watch their parents or older siblings engage in the activity, but that seems gone, too.

At the young ages, group lessons are far better, and the result of all this private coaching is athletes who do too much thinking, too much being self conscious, and too much self-centeredness. Form is not results. They don't have time to become athletes. They have trouble adapting to change or making adjustments; they get rigid in thinking.

Never mind the ridiculous cost. A lot of this make the adults happy because like I say, they feel less anxious if the kid learns or practices more; More is where the bad habits come from if you ask me. Adults want scholarships, too. The result is a kid who quits or never makes it to the college stage. Again, if this what you want to risk, go for it. You will have a perfect 12 year old I guess (oh I forgot we are here to find flaws in our players), but as many parents of kids who quit the team before in or college, no college athlete. So why not let go early, they may end up the best pianist at Carnegie Hall. And that's fine, too.

IMO, the kids you are referencing here are the kids who's parents took the advice or mind set that you describe. They quit because when they got to a higher level of ball they realized they were ill equipped to compete for playing time and quit out of frustration.

 

[vdubya]

All of it is too much structure. I would ideally like the kids to go out and do, and figure it out by watching others, emulating them, and doing so with friends, but those days are gone. I'd prefer they have the chance to watch their parents or older siblings engage in the activity, but that seems gone, too.

At the young ages, group lessons are far better, and the result of all this private coaching is athletes who do too much thinking, too much being self conscious, and too much self-centeredness. Form is not results. They don't have time to become athletes. They have trouble adapting to change or making adjustments; they get rigid in thinking.

Never mind the ridiculous cost. A lot of this make the adults happy because like I say, they feel less anxious if the kid learns or practices more; More is where the bad habits come from if you ask me. Adults want scholarships, too. The result is a kid who quits or never makes it to the college stage. Again, if this what you want to risk, go for it. You will have a perfect 12 year old I guess (oh I forgot we are here to find flaws in our players), but as many parents of kids who quit the team before in or college, no college athlete. So why not let go early, they may end up the best pianist at Carnegie Hall. And that's fine, too.

IMO there is a whole lot of "right" in Oilf's post. It may be easy to gloss over or dismiss many of her points, especially given the audience here is a bunch of impassioned softball junkies, but there are some gems here for the truth seekers.

 

[vdubya]

Last year she took a while to really warm up to the competitive level of travel ball... just not very motivated/practice is always initiated by her father or myself ... her feelings for the game are just waning

She's anxious about Spring and... She says she doesn't love it like she did before.


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now she's starting to say she wants to quit after the Spring...she'd quit now if I let her...

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I've always told her when it stops being fun we are done...And have told her to quit when she stops enjoying it.

She wants to "play volleyball"

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Seems like you have presented the facts pretty well KneeHigh. I have nothing to add except to enjoy volleyball or whatever HER passion ends up being. Best wishes!

 

[nanotech14]

Your wasting your money and both your dd's & your time. She doesn't want to play softball. You have stated that in your post. Move on to something else. Sorry to be blunt, but not every girl wants to play softball.

 

[Easton33]

Your wasting your money and both your dd's & your time. She doesn't want to play softball. You have stated that in your post. Move on to something else. Sorry to be blunt, but not every girl wants to play softball.

I agree! and I disagree. It all depends on why. Does she truly not like softball? Or does she want to quit because she has to compete and thinks she is not good enough? If it is the latter this will be an ongoing cycle that repeats every year or two when she faces competition. She is 11, so it may be hard sometimes to discern why she wants what she wants but IMO, if you suspect she wants to quit because she has to compete then keep her going and help her overcome her competition. Competition is alive and well and the real world and as I parent you may as well get her ready to face it, deal with it, and overcome it. If she just doesn't like softball, then don't force her and put all your energy at getting her better into something she does like.

 

[sluggers]

Or does she want to quit because she has to compete and thinks she is not good enough? If it is the latter this will be an ongoing cycle that repeats every year or two when she faces competition.

???

But, that is the way of the world. Sometimes, a child can't be better than the competition, no matter how much coaching the kid gets. To believe otherwise is to believe in the Tooth Fairy.

Also, all athletes quit. The only question is "when".

Some kids are better at sports than others. If a kid say, "I've had enough. I want to do something else," then fine. It is not the end of the world.

Failure is a life lesson as well. If you've never failed, you've never really tried.

 

[Easton33]

???

But, that is the way of the world. Sometimes, a child can't be better than the competition, no matter how much coaching the kid gets. To believe otherwise is to believe in the Tooth Fairy.

Also, all athletes quit. The only question is "when".

Some kids are better at sports than others. If a kid say, "I've had enough. I want to do something else," then fine. It is not the end of the world.

Failure is a life lesson as well. If you've never failed, you've never really tried.

So you think at 11 this girl has really tried and given her best effort? Quitting because of competition is not trying at all and that is what my post is in reference to. Some of you are literally coming across as if her athletic ability and future is defined by her success at 10u and 12u. She will see her biggest gains in the next 2 to 3 years.
What is ironic to me is the last line of your quote seems to be exactly what you are endorsing...Quitting before ever really trying.
Don't lock this thread because I disagree with you.