struggling with DD's motivation and love of the game…advice?

[MNDad]

Volleyball as recently become one of the "cool" sports here. If her friends are playing volleyball or if all the popular kids are playing that could play a role in it. Can’t she do both? Kids need some type of break or change of pace throughout the year, especially when they're younger and their bodies are developing. It's a good time to play a variety of sports both for a mental break and to avoid putting too much strain an any specific muscle groups or joints.

I know how hard it is to include downtime with year round seasons and worrying your kid will fall behind. Constantly hearing phrases like “If she’s not working there’s someone else who is that will take her spot”. As they get older there’s never ending tournaments, showcases and college camps to prepare for. At some point you have to step in and say enough is enough.

We've had two close calls and gotten extremely lucky. DD played a variety of sports, but pitched year round so she wouldn't get rusty. At 11 she had a slipped growth plate in her hip and at 15 strained her rotator cuff. In both cases the pain wasn’t too severe and the doctors weren’t overly concerned so I had her “tough it out”. In both cases when we finally saw specialists they let us know how close she was to permanent injury. In spite of me she’s turned out fine and all is well.

On a side note I love how seriously younger level coaches take themselves. A girl “owning third base” at 10U or keeping stats on a 12U C team? Wow.

 

[KneeHighSocks]

MNdad yes it's all about the travel teams here LOL a 9 year old apparently "owns" 3rd base. Things like that are what has set her confidence back. and she IS a good player!!

she will do volleyball. its a winter thing to see if she likes it. She has friends on travel volleyball leagues and those go year round. So it's a winter clinic for us unless she wants to stop softball and do volleyball full time…she needs to try it first

the STAT thing is just from gamechanger and we use that as our score keeping tool as the score keeper finds it easier. I don't feed a whole lot into the stats but they are there…and I think it's all relative too. Our 12U C team has beat B teams from out of the area and hung with second year A level teams, and all our girls are 11 (well we have 1 ten year old). There are A LOT of travel organizations in the area so I don't read much into the A-B-C thing much either. Geographically it can be really different . But agree no one should be that serious at a 10U level or even a 12 U level. ;-)

oh,and I remind her every day that this is NOT her ticket to college and I never want her to feel like it is.She will go to college no matter if she plays sports or draws or does nothing. this venture was for fun and love of the game

 

[MNDad]

the STAT thing is just from gamechanger and we use that as our score keeping tool as the score keeper finds it easier. I don't feed a while lot into the stats but they are there…

Much better. Lots of parents do that. I thought you were taling about the coach.

Sounds like you're on the right track

 

[KneeHighSocks]

Much better. Lots of parents do that. I thought you were taling about the coach.

Sounds like you're on the right track

thanks I don't even think the coach has really looked at them….we really are trying to keep this fun while making it a rewarding experience for them. trying not to take ourselves too seriously here lol

 

[Elk Grove Hurricane]

Kneehigh, I could have written a lot of your original post. My oldest DD is 12, didn't make a travel team after she had a great tryout, then all of a sudden didn't want to play. She had my DW tell me, as she apparently thought I wouldn't listen to her. What does she like to do? By her own admission (you have to love the honesty : Sitting around, reading and playing with her phone. Now she tells me doing nothing is her idea of fun, but she really wants to try track and try out for plays.
I don't know what the answer is. I don't want to be that parent, who forces a kid to play when she doesn't want to. But I also don't want to be that other parent, who let's his kid do nothing or whatever enters her mind at the moment. I ended up reminding her (yes, I did tell her after she got the bad news) that I was proud of her just for trying to play travel, that I don't care if she ever plays an inning of travel, that it's her life and she has to be happy with her choices, but that I am not going to listen to ideas that doing nothing is a serious option. If she wants to try track, remember that it's going to require a lot of work, that she isn't built like most sprinters (tiny upper body and really thin) and that most track coaches are going to see her as a distance runner, which requires a lot of running. And if she wants to do plays, be prepared to work at that also, as everyone else who is involved is working hard on their voice, dancing, and acting skills.
She told me she would try rec ball again and wants to be an all star after thinking for a week. Not sure if that is what she will end up doing, but we'll see. Hopefully I got through to her that everything you want to do well requires work, and outside of the movies, nobody just shows up and excels at any activity. And honestly if she tells me she's done with softball, I'm fine with that, so long as she does something.

 

[KneeHighSocks]

…..Hopefully I got through to her that everything you want to do well requires work, and outside of the movies, nobody just shows up and excels at any activity. And honestly if she tells me she's done with softball, I'm fine with that, so long as she does something.

Yes!! everything requires work! I get it if my DD is starting to think softball isn't as exciting as it was, or it's really hard work, or whatever. But I reminded her that everything requires work and gets old after a while. I think the all softball all the time part is a little much. Which is why we give her lots or breaks and she will try another sport this winter. Lots of good advice on here.

Good luck to your daughter!

 

[sluggers]

I promise you I am not living through her as I don't have an athletic bone in my body and never played sports (never wanted to), I just want her to succeed (to her own standards).

So, you never played sports. Why do you think it is necessary for her to play softball?

Does she have other interests, like bank or choir?

The truth: Not every kid likes playing softball. If she doesn't like playing softball, then let her quit. Help her find something else to do.

 

[Rocketech1]

Kids that age don't need regular private coaching.

Just flat out bad advice. In fact, IMO, its critical that kids get private, one on one instruction (especially with pitching, hitting, and catching) when they are younger so they learn proper mechanics before they ingrain bad habits.

 

[Ken Krause]

So kids are just going to magically get better by watching other players? There is a reason the caliber of play is much higher now than it was in those wonderful days of yore when no one had lessons and everyone learned by emulating. Private instruction can really shortcut the learning process and help players get better faster. By your way of thinking should we just forget about school entirely? Instead of structured learning maybe young kids should learn to read and do math by watching older kids do those skills. Teaching in any form is there to help the student get to where they're going more efficiently and effectively.

At the same time, a good instructor will teach the player how to self-diagnose so she can think for herself. Just as a good teacher will explain how to sound out words or add two numbers together so the student can learn to do it her/himself.

The point is to help the kids reach their objectives, whatever those objectives may be. For some it may be playing in college. For others it might be starting varsity in HS. For others it might be to win more playing time on their rec league team, or make the all-star team. Private instruction can make that happen.

A lot of the girls I work with are not gifted athletes. They love softball, and have the desire to play well, contribute to their teams and/or not be stuck on the bench. But they can't just walk out on the field and do it. That's not their gift. So their parents seek out instruction to help the girls achieve their goals. I've only had a couple where it's about the parents.

I've seen instructors and team coaches who overdo it. I've seen parents who are living through their kids. We all have. But those are the minority, at least in my experience. I think most parents want their kids to be happy, and to learn how to overcome adversity. Why walk to that destination when you can hitch a ride?

 

[WARRIORMIKE]

All of it is too much structure. I would ideally like the kids to go out and do, and figure it out by watching others, emulating them, and doing so with friends, but those days are gone. I'd prefer they have the chance to watch their parents or older siblings engage in the activity, but that seems gone, too.

At the young ages, group lessons are far better, and the result of all this private coaching is athletes who do too much thinking, too much being self conscious, and too much self-centeredness. Form is not results. They don't have time to become athletes. They have trouble adapting to change or making adjustments; they get rigid in thinking.

Never mind the ridiculous cost. A lot of this make the adults happy because like I say, they feel less anxious if the kid learns or practices more; More is where the bad habits come from if you ask me. Adults want scholarships, too. The result is a kid who quits or never makes it to the college stage. Again, if this what you want to risk, go for it. You will have a perfect 12 year old I guess (oh I forgot we are here to find flaws in our players), but as many parents of kids who quit the team before in or college, no college athlete. So why not let go early, they may end up the best pianist at Carnegie Hall. And that's fine, too.