Doug, I understand where you are coming from. But, you want the HS coach to react in a certain way. You can't control how he will react.
Your DD has to make a decision, and then tell the HS coach of her decision.
I understand she is unhappy, but a large part of this is her own doing...i.e., she failed to tell the coach when the coach first asked her. She has to go talk to him.
IMHO, it is a bad idea to go with your DD. If you do, it will look like *you*, not her, are doing this.
I have no plans of going with her if she does go talk to him.
Further, while she is 16, she is still a minor who does life under my roof. There will be at least some involvement between the coach and us, her parents. As I have said, I am still nudging her in the direction of the HS summer team. She is fighting that, but still wants to do HS ball next spring.
Yes, she did commit a couple of months ago, but it's less bad to bail now after the first practice than bail a 3-4 weeks from now when they are right in the middle of their summer season.