High School Coaches and Summer Team -- DD's Dilemma

[Doug Romrell]

Okay, the high school season ended two weeks ago.

DD was originally planning to play on one of the high school coach's two 16U summer teams.

First practice was this past Tuesday. However, DD didn't go due to a slight shoulder sprain she got participating in an outfielder competition two weeks ago. First tournament for this high school coach's two 16U summer teams is this coming weekend.

There was to be a second practice this past Thursday. However, DD texted me from school that she needed to talk to me about softball. Well, she wants to drop out of the high school coach's summer team and play on my team. Her argument is that she just wants a break from the high school softball stuff. I guess having the same coaching in summer ball as you have in high school could get monotonous. My softball program is thinner in the sense we only have 7-8 players and pick up 2-3 as needed. She claims that our practices are not as militant. She expresses a desire to have fun rather than militant.

I don't currently see the high school coach's program as necessarily being better than mine in terms of instruction. He would disagree with me.

I am facing a conundrum in this regard. She did commit to play for them. However, they are just getting practices started and first tournament is this weekend.

From talking with her, I worry that if she stays with them, she may end up dropping out of softball altogether. Our summer ball program is just a bit less rigorous, because that's the type of players we have. We don't travel far for tournaments, and few, if any, of the players have college ball aspirations.

I think part of the problem is that my daughter wants a bit more of a social life away from softball than the high school coach's program gives her. I guess I can't fault her for that.

Back to the conundrum.... She did commit to play for the high school coach for summer ball. However, doing clearly puts her at risk of complete burnout and possibly quitting softball for good.

Of course, the high school coach is VERY possessive of her in that he does not want to look at his from a risk of losing her for good (high school varsity player). I look at this as an attempt at getting her through this phase by trying to provide a funner softball atmosphere.

He's essentially demanding that she come and talk with him. She doesn't want to, as she sees it as being a chance for him to scold her for leaving and laying on the guilt trip.

I've very troubled by this conundrum, but lean toward letting her decide.

Thoughts?

 

[Greenmonsters]

Sounds like your DD is facing a difficult situation. What's the sense in playing if its not fun? How important is HS softball to her? If she doesn't follow through on her commitment to play for the HS HC this summer, especially to play for your team, her HS SB future is probably limited. The only other option that may not burn HS bridges is to not play at all this summer.

Your philosophical disagreements with the HS HC are well documented here on DFP. I don't know the degree to which the HC and your DD are aware of them. This may need to be something you need to consider and/or discuss with your DD during the decision-making process as there may be future ramifications.

Regardless, your DD needs to talk to the HS coach and inform him of her decision, whatever it is.

Good luck!

 

[SoCalASABlue]

Back to the conundrum.... She did commit to play for the high school coach for summer ball. However, doing clearly puts her at risk of complete burnout and possibly quitting softball for good.

Of course, the high school coach is VERY possessive of her in that he does not want to look at his from a risk of losing her for good (high school varsity player). I look at this as an attempt at getting her through this phase by trying to provide a funner softball atmosphere.

He's essentially demanding that she come and talk with him. She doesn't want to, as she sees it as being a chance for him to scold her for leaving and laying on the guilt trip.

I've very troubled by this conundrum, but lean toward letting her decide.

Thoughts?

Sorry but I have a problem with any adult male demanding a teenage girl come talk to him alone. Probably just my spidey-sense...

People say on this board all the time that we are supposed to allow our DDs to make their own decisions to prepare for real life. Sounds like your DD knows what she wants. I'd listen to her and welcome the extra time you'll get to spend with her.

 

[Doug Romrell]

Sounds like your DD is facing a difficult situation. What's the sense in playing if its not fun? How important is HS softball to her? If she doesn't follow through on her commitment to play for the HS HC this summer, especially to play for your team, her HS SB future is probably limited. The only other option that may not burn HS bridges is to not play at all this summer.

Your philosophical disagreements with the HS HC are well documented here on DFP. I don't know the degree to which the HC and your DD are aware of them. This may need to be something you need to consider and/or discuss with your DD during the decision-making process as there may be future ramifications.

Regardless, your DD needs to talk to the HS coach and inform him of her decision, whatever it is.

Good luck!

Yes, we all know that players can go a bit too far with what they mean by "fun."

And, yes, like most fathers who have coaching experience, I've had my share of philosophical differences with the HS coach, but never to the point that he would have felt any conflict from me in the stands during games.

I was actually supportive of my daughter choosing to play summer ball with him (decision was made just prior to the high school season). The main problem is, however, she doesn't want to feel she's just continuing to play under this high school mindset all through the year. I think I can understand that. My assistant coach on my summer team (who just returned from playing college ball) feels that it's good for players to get away from their high school coaches. She states, "You take the best you learn from each of your coaches and it makes you better than you would have been."

The reason DD doesn't want to talk to HS coach is that he has a record of belittling players who leave him. It's almost as if he wants the chance to threaten her to her face regarding the possible ramifications in high school ball next year.

With their first tournament this coming weekend, and with DD being seen as at the very heart of one of his two teams, I can understand his anger and disappointment. But, on the other hand, I do understand my DD's concerns and desire to get away--take a break from that mindset.

I can't force her to play in the high school summer-ball program if she doesn't want to. Funny thing is, the main high school pitcher for next year plays on another summer team and only picks up with the high school summer team a couple of times. In the past he's had to deal with other varsity players playing for other teams, only to have them as pick-up players here and there. I see him as being more likely to hold a grudge against my DD.

I can't force her to worship at the high school coach's altar. I can try to salvage her interest in softball by providing her with a quasi-break from the high school softball program through participation with my summer team.

This is not an easy thing for me to deal with, as the high school coach will most certainly see me as having pulled her away, which isn't true.

 

[Doug Romrell]

Sorry but I have a problem with any adult male demanding a teenage girl come talk to him alone. Probably just my spidey-sense...

People say on this board all the time that we are supposed to allow our DDs to make their own decisions to prepare for real life. Sounds like your DD knows what she wants. I'd listen to her and welcome the extra time you'll get to spend with her.

Well, he thinks she owes it to him to come talk him just prior to the next practice, so I don't think it's completely an "alone" situation. She knows, however, that it will be a scolding and feels that the high school season is over, thus her having to have him scold her is not something she cares to subject herself to. She stresses needing a break from the coaching mindset.

One thing I remind her is that I don't know a single person who doesn't wish they had done more in sports than they actually did. That is, I didn't play football in high school. I wish I had. I did wrestle, but I wish I had worked harder. I don't know of anyone who wishes they had done less in whatever sports they were interested in.

 

[riseball]

The High School coach is going to groom her to be the best High School softball player she can be. If she has higher aspirations beyond High School she needs to stay away from that coach when it really counts.

No way I let her go talk to him alone. Any responsible TB coach would not be having that as a 1:1 conversation. This is not HS ball it is now TB and parents need to be involved in those types of interactions.

 

[JAD]

Does your DD want to play college softball? If she does she probably needs to stay with the high school coach and play a higher level of summer ball. If she does not want to play college softball, then I think it would be OK for her to play on your team and let the chips fall where they may next spring during the high school season.

 

[SoftSocDad]

IMO, you're right that it's your DD's decision. You can share your position. I see nothing wrong with her taking a break from the HS coach.

 

[laker]

The reason DD doesn't want to talk to HS coach is that he has a record of belittling players who leave him. It's almost as if he wants the chance to threaten her to her face regarding the possible ramifications in high school ball next year.

If that's really the case, then I don't think I'd want my DD playing for him anyway. Run away. Let her enjoy softball. It's supposed to be fun.

Laker

 

[Doug Romrell]

Does your DD want to play college softball? If she does she probably needs to stay with the high school coach and play a higher level of summer ball. If she does not want to play college softball, then I think it would be OK for her to play on your team and let the chips fall where they may next spring during the high school season.

If college ball were her goal, she would NOT be on the high school coach's summer ball team, but rather would be on a more elite team 60-90 minutes away like the main varsity pitcher for next year does (i.e., she plays on a much more talented team during the summer).

While I did, as mentioned, give her the nod a couple months back to commit to the high school coach's summer team, I do not like how he feels he should own all softball players who live in his high school area. It should not be seen as a cardinal sin to play elsewhere for summer ball.

The bottom line is this..... She wants a break from the high school softball stuff until next spring. She's willing to pick-up with them once or twice like the main varsity pitcher for next year has planned on doing. Did she commit to play for them? Sure. But if she's a bit burned out by the high school mindset, why risk losing her entirely by making her play the summer season with them?

This is not an easy situation to be in, not as a player.....not as a parent.