High School Coaches and Summer Team -- DD's Dilemma

[Doug Romrell]

Must be some part of NO that he does not understand. Some feel that if they disagree with a decision that they are somehow owed the opportunity for a "discussion"; which is a passive aggressive way of saying that they do not respect the decision. Were it not for the fact that he is the HS coach and just another TB coach I seriously doubt that a "discussion" would even be a consideration.

Yes, this is true! Being the HS coach puts him in a position of power that makes this situation very difficult for DD. Last summer when a girl left my team mid-season, I didn't demand any last meeting with her. It was simply her parents meeting me (at their request) after one of my practices. We had a cordial chat, then parted ways.

I am documenting this situation (I think you suggested it).

 

[CycloneSoftball22]

I am kinda dealing with this type of situation right now. I have a 16u travel team with only 10 on the roster for now. There are two of my players from a particular High School. Last Thursday , they were notified that their HS coach was having a Summer team and they had to attend a tournament on Saturday. It really puts the kids in a bad situation , but at this particular school , these kids don't really have a choice if they want to get their shot on the HS team next season. They have to go play. This really puts me in a bad situation for our TB team for the entire month of June , but I just have to deal with it somehow.

 

[nanotech14]

Screw the HS coach! He doesn't own her! He sounds like he has little man syndrome. Sorry this is how I roll.

 

[Doug Romrell]

It's the "OWNERSHIP" aspect that bothers me the most. You generally have a choice in who your travelball coach is. You don't really have a choice in who your HS coach is. Your his/hers if you make the HS team. It's one thing to admonish your HS players to play on a summer team, but it's quit another thing to instill in them that they have to play summer ball with you. A travelball coach who isn't a HS coach seldom, if ever, has this kind of control.

My DD wouldn't really have much of a problem with her HS coach if she only had to play for him in HS ball. It's that there is no escape once the spider has you in the web feeling.

DD wants a break from the HS coach and even some of the players. The HS coach can't accept that and doesn't understand why. With their first tournament this weekend and their second practice today with DD being unwilling to go to the practice as I suggest to talk to him..... It's quite clear her decision is made.

 

[Greenmonsters]

It's the "OWNERSHIP" aspect that bothers me the most. You generally have a choice in who your travelball coach is. You don't really have a choice in who your HS coach is. Your his/hers if you make the HS team. It's one thing to admonish your HS players to play on a summer team, but it's quit another thing to instill in them that they have to play summer ball with you. A travelball coach who isn't a HS coach seldom, if ever, has this kind of control.

My DD wouldn't really have much of a problem with her HS coach if she only had to play for him in HS ball. It's that there is no escape once the spider has you in the web feeling.

DD wants a break from the HS coach and even some of the players. The HS coach can't accept that and doesn't understand why. With their first tournament this weekend and their second practice today with DD being unwilling to go to the practice as I suggest to talk to him..... It's quite clear her decision is made.

What about an honest email? i.e., I am fully commited to and am looking forward to playing HS SB next year, but this summer I really need a break from my HS teammates and you. I will be working hard to improve my individual skills so that I can contribute more to next year's HS team.

 

[riseball]

Some action or communication has to happen now. You can lose your spot on HS for not owning your decisions/actions or communicating about them properly.

Which is exactly why HS coaches should refrain from any involvement with players outside of the HS season.

 

[Doug Romrell]

UPDATE....

I'm proud of my daughter! She just notified the coach and indicated what she feels.

The text from that coach that she responded to was this... "I would like you to come to practice tomorrow and we can discuss this."

She responded, "I work at that time, so I'm just going to say it. I'm afraid of you and I need a break from that. I want to play on my dad's team this summer. I'm not quitting. This is my decision so please don't blame my dad. I will continue to develop this summer. Thanks and I'm sorry for the late decision."

His response, "Afraid of me or afraid to come and talk to me?"

DD, "Both."

Him, "Is there any event or a particular situation that makes you feel that way?"

DD, "No, just over all. I just need a break from the high school softball program. Once again I'm not quitting softball."

Him, "Sounds good. I will go out and remove you from our ASA XXX roster. Tell your dad not to worry about the additional fees. We will just keep jerseys. Have a fun summer - good luck."


While he now sounds okay with this, I'm thinking he's going to hold a grudge. Why? Because normally he would ask about the possibility of her picking up with them once or twice as needed. He didn't. Last year, when she was on my team, he did. His teams this year are weaker.

Oh well, I'll take it for what it is. I have documented all of this and will continue to do so. As I mentioned, his main pitcher for next HS season plays on an elite summer team elsewhere and only picks up with HS coach's time once or twice in the summer. Must be that he can't hold a grudge against her because he really needs her. Hopefully, my daughter will be talented enough to be that needed next spring. We shall see.

 

[Doug Romrell]

Which is exactly why HS coaches should refrain from any involvement with players outside of the HS season.

I have no problem with HS coaches doing a summer team as long as they don't make the high school girls feel like they have to play on that team to have a chance in HS softball. Players should be admonished to play competitive softball during the summer and fall. For those who don't know of summer teams, the HS coach could provide a choice in his own summer program. It's the I-own-you and you-have-to-worship-at-my-altar-mentalities that I don't like. But I doubt many, if any, of them believe they have these mentalities.

 

[Doug Romrell]

Some action or communication has to happen now. You can lose your spot on HS for not owning your decisions/actions or communicating about them properly.

There WAS a decision and communication a few days ago. The HS coach simply did not accept it and demanded she meet with him.

She's relieved that today she laid it out to him in her way--texting. I, myself, still struggle with the fact that she had committed to play with them and waited until now to back out. At least the season hasn't really started yet.

 

[Doug Romrell]

Let me conclude by saying that I do believe the HS coach is a good man generally. I just don't think he realizes that there is a huge negative effect associated with his I-own-you mentality. That is, it can back-fire on him resulting in good players leaving his program and not returning. I've mentioned that I don't see him as a very good risk manager in this regard and other regards.

We're putting this behind us for now and moving forward.