Confront a coach or not to confront?

[fastpitch]

Handling parents and answering questions about playing time comes with the HC job. Only the inept and cowards hide behind "policies" designed to avoid accountability. If Sally is riding the pine and you as a coach can't handle a conversation with a parent you need to go coach the chess club. Grow a spine and do your job.

If its playing time that needs to be discussed then I don't see how parents need to discuss it with the HC at the HS age and above. It's time for the players to do it. Life isn't fair. It's a great chance for them to learn how to deal with these types of situations now.

Most coaches want to win, if that kid isn't doing it for them there probably is a good reason they are on the bench. Just because a policy is in place doesn't mean a coach can't handle that discussion, the policy just shuts the door to any of the parent BS or potential confrontational situations where the parent blinded by their love for their child becomes unreasonable. I'm not saying you are, but there a definitely a lot of crazy parents out there, probably a lot right here on DFP.

If a HS age player is on the bench that player can find out how to get more playing time themselves without the helicopter parents having to do the talking for them. I know my kid would be embarrassed forever if I had to talk to the head coach for her about playing time. She would handle it herself.

 

[riseball]

If its playing time that needs to be discussed then I don't see how parents need to discuss it with the HC at the HS age and above. It's time for the players to do it. Life isn't fair. It's a great chance for them to learn how to deal with these types of situations now.

Most coaches want to win, if that kid isn't doing it for them there probably is a good reason they are on the bench. Just because a policy is in place doesn't mean a coach can't handle that discussion, the policy just shuts the door to any of the parent BS or potential confrontational situations where the parent blinded by their love for their child becomes unreasonable. I'm not saying you are, but there a definitely a lot of crazy parents out there, probably a lot right here on DFP.

If a HS age player is on the bench that player can find out how to get more playing time themselves without the helicopter parents having to do the talking for them. I know my kid would be embarrassed forever if I had to talk to the head coach for her about playing time. She would handle it herself.

I agree with you that by HS it would be a growth opportunity for the player to step up and handle the issue. However, many players are not ready to handle that situation. They lack the self confidence or may be intimidated by the coach. My issue is that right or wrong it is up to the parent and player to decide how to handle the issue not school administrators. Many parents will handle the issue appropriately and diplomatically. Others may handle it very poorly. It is the job of the HC to deal with parents, players, or both.

You say that your daughter "would handle it herself" which is great. But shouldn't that decision be reserved for you and your daughter?

I would add that if a player is riding the pine and does not know why she is not getting playing time, the HC has failed her.

 

[fastpitch]

I agree with you that by HS it would be a growth opportunity for the player to step up and handle the issue. However, many players are not ready to handle that situation. They lack the self confidence or may be intimidated by the coach. My issue is that right or wrong it is up to the parent and player to decide how to handle the issue not school administrators. Many parents will handle the issue appropriately and diplomatically. Others may handle it very poorly. It is the job of the HC to deal with parents, players, or both.

Why couldn't they be ready to handle the situation? If a player lacks self confidence or the know how, I blame the parents. If my dd needed help with hitting, I'd help her with her hitting. If she needed help learning how to speak to the coach, I would help her with how to speak to the coach.

 

[CoogansBluff]

I agree with you that by HS it would be a growth opportunity for the player to step up and handle the issue. However, many players are not ready to handle that situation. They lack the self confidence or may be intimidated by the coach. My issue is that right or wrong it is up to the parent and player to decide how to handle the issue not school administrators. Many parents will handle the issue appropriately and diplomatically. Others may handle it very poorly. It is the job of the HC to deal with parents, players, or both.

You say that your daughter "would handle it herself" which is great. But shouldn't that decision be reserved for you and your daughter?

I agree w/ you. Yes, it's great if the player can be assertive and mature and have that discussion with the coach. I encourage that.

However, a parent always has the right to have conversations with coaches and teachers about school activities that concerns their children, and teachers and coaches have no right to close off communication as long as it's done appropriately and within reason.

Healthy parents aren't going to have the need to talk with coaches very often, but coaches need to be willing to talk to parents about their concerns.

 

[fastpitch]

I agree w/ you. Yes, it's great if the player can be assertive and mature and have that discussion with the coach. I encourage that.

However, a parent always has the right to have conversations with coaches and teachers about school activities that concerns their children, and teachers and coaches have no right to close off communication as long as it's done appropriately and within reason.

Healthy parents aren't going to have the need to talk with coaches very often, but coaches need to be willing to talk to parents about their concerns.

We are talking about questioning playing time. If the question is how can I get more playing time?; a player can handle that. If the discussion is I'm concerned about my kids safety or struggles with schoolwork, then of course the parents should talk to the coach.

 

[CoogansBluff]

Why couldn't they be ready to handle the situation? If a player lacks self confidence or the know how, I blame the parents. If my dd needed help with hitting, I'd help her with her hitting. If she needed help learning how to speak to the coach, I would help her with how to speak to the coach.

I don't think that was his point. He wasn't saying how parents or kids should handle this situation. He was saying (or perhaps I was saying) that it's not for the coach to tell a parent, "I refuse to talk to you. Have your child come to me.'' I agree with this: ''Right or wrong it is up to the parent and player to decide how to handle the issue not school administrators.''

 

[riseball]

^^^^ Like he said

 

[CoogansBluff]

We are talking about questioning playing time. If the question is how can I get more playing time?; a player can handle that..

A player probably can handle that. But it's still the parents' decision whether to talk with a coach. From there, it's not appropriate for a school official to say I will not talk to a parent. The answer might be short: "As I've explained to your daughter, this is how we decide playing time. Also, I encourage players to talk with me about their concerns. I want them to take responsibility for their softball.''

 

[CoogansBluff]

Not to beat this to death, but I've recently heard of a couple of older showcase travel teams that have policies that they don't communicate with parents. Not about playing time, not about anything. I'm on board with the desire to teach personal responsibility, but I don't think you can tell parents that they can't communicate to coaches about the children who live in their homes and for which they are legally responsible.

 

[fastpitch]

I don't think that was his point. He wasn't saying how parents or kids should handle this situation. He was saying (or perhaps I was saying) that it's not for the coach to tell a parent, "I refuse to talk to you. Have your child come to me.'' I agree with this: ''Right or wrong it is up to the parent and player to decide how to handle the issue not school administrators.''

Obviously you don't know the crazy entitled parents I know. Right or wrong I believe a coach of HS & above has every right to tell the parent I refuse to talk to you about playing time have your daughter talk to me.