Confront a coach or not to confront?

[Little Angels Softball]

I can sense your frustration and am sure your DD is frustrated, as well. As travel ball coaches (and players), we have the "luxury" of pool play every weekend, which allows us to use all of our players which in turn allows us (theoretically) to make better decisions about who gets to play on Sunday. We get to see our girls play in games against other girls and we don't have to rely solely on what we see in practice when it comes time to make out the lineup.

I bet you're frustrated because your DD's HS team is probably playing in just the one tournament before beginning the season and if your DD didn't get to play in that, she may not get a chance to showcase her in-game level of play so the coach can be better informed. It is also hard on you both because you each know that the girl she is competing with is roughly her equal, but perhaps the coach places more emphasis on something she may do a bit better than your DD rather than on something your DD does a bit better than her.

Regardless of your level of frustration, this is DD's battle, and hers alone. Encourage her, try not to let her sense your frustration, and ask her what she thinks she needs to do to earn playing time. Once she is able to figure that out for herself, she will be better equipped to go out and earn the spot or at least be more confident if she decides to ask the same question of her coach.

Daddy can't fight this for her. That could end up being disastrous for her if you do. Don't take her opportunity away from her because you're frustrated. Support her and help her and tell her to be the best teammate she can be and to keep working. She needs to remember that she is a player who made varsity as a freshman and who is a solid travel ball player and that she can do this because she is good at it. I think if she takes that approach you may see her earn a little PT down the line.

EDIT: This may not have come across as I'd hoped .... adding that it could be the frustration that is her undoing, as that emotion can show up in her practice habits, her attitude, and even in her quality of play. Stay upbeat, cheer for your teammates, work hard and show your love for the game every day and the frustration will ease and things will get better.

 

[Cannonball]

I appreciate everyone letting me vent here in this forum, instead of looking like a dumb@$$ in front of the coach. I just want what every father wants, his dd to be treated fairly. This is the first time I have seen the playing field through a parent's eye instead of the coach. This may be harder on me than on my dd.

It is something many of us will have to go through at some point. Also, human nature dictates that you try to prevent your dd from experiencing heartache. Still, some of the best lessons in life are ones where a person gets that reality check and knows that they have to turn it up some.

 

[Doug Romrell]

Fair point nanotech14. I will talk to her about this. Definition of the word "fair" is objective.

The definition of the word "fair" is objective?

I have no earthly clue how a coach or anyone else could possibly figure out a scenario that is fair for everyone involved. There is always going to be someone who doesn't think they are being treated fairly.

Look, I understand your frustration. I even sympathize with you. But if you confront the coach, don't do it over this notion of "fairness." And, be prepared to feel after all is said and done that you've just talked to driftwood.

The notion of "fair" is entirely subjective. Thus, I think it is impossible for a coach or anyone else to be 100% fair, whatever that means.

 

[CoachCalvin]

You must be reading my mind LAS. This is tough on me. All you said is true. I am not perfect nor a perfect coach but I did play all of the girls equally during a tourny. Esp. when it was four games in one day.

 

[CoachCalvin]

To me it can be both subjective and objective. Subjective is in one's mind. Objective is the goal side of it. "Fair" in an objective state is to accomplish something. I want to see who my best players are, I will fairly play them to see who is best. This may have been done at practice as well.

 

[Doug Romrell]

To me it can be both subjective and objective. Subjective is in one's mind. Objective is the goal side of it. "Fair" in an objective state is to accomplish something. I want to see who my best players are, I will fairly play them to see who is best. This may have been done at practice as well.

Who gets to decide if a coach is "objective" or not? We're all going to have a subjective assessment of our DDs' coach's "fairness."

Look, I'm with you. I just don't think you have much power here. Yup, that's hard to swallow. I know from experience (happened just this past weekend).

 

[CoachCalvin]

I am trying to avoid stating anything negative about the coaching and others players. I really am. Hey, I played baseball from the time I was 5 through HS. Decided to go to a college that didn't have a baseball team. I get it. The real pain for ME in all of this is out of 28 possible innings, she played one inning. The "other" girl played 27, 1 hit with 4 ks, one good bunt and a walk or two. She is left handed and bats left handed, whereas my dd is a righty.

 

[Little Angels Softball]

The "other" girl played 27, 1 hit with 4 ks, one good bunt and a walk or two. She is left handed and bats left handed, whereas my dd is a righty.

I think you just need to settle down and watch things play out. One hit with 4 Ks isn't terribly hard to replace.

It just might be he likes the flexibility of her being a lefty with the bunting and defensive pressure it can provide. If she doesn't deliver, though, any good coach would look at the possibility of an upgrade. Your DD needs to concentrate on standing out and making it impossible for him not to notice her, which just might hasten that process.

 

[riseball]

Fair point nanotech14. I will talk to her about this. Definition of the word "fair" is objective.

No . Understand that "fairness" and "equality" have two different meanings and are not mutually dependent on each other.

Fairness is subjective as it cannot be measured.

Equality is objective as it can be measured.
(Although the tools for measurement may be suspect. But let's not go there.)

Do I strive to treat my players fairly? Absolutely!

Do I strive treat my players equally? Absolutely not!

Unfortunately many HS coaches and some parents have a differing view. And that friends and neighbors is one of the biggest problems with HS softball.

 

[Momo'sDad]

Just like some professional coaches will occasionally talk to their players through the media, parents can do the same in passively communicating with coaches.

My DD's coaches always know what my thoughts and philosophies are, because they can read them here or on Facebook.