One of the biggest problems, especially at the younger age groups, is too many head coaches "play to win" games they should be "playing to get better". We were guilty of the same thing when my DD was younger. When your DD get older and starts attending nationals, you realize that her team could go 10-50 in the regular season and as long as they earn a berth to Nationals and finish in the Top-20, the season was a success. The best teams do not look for tournaments they think they can win, they seek out the best competition.
Again, I agree with what you're saying... but you are misinterpreting "play to win." I don't mean go sign up for events where you'll walk over the competition. I agree with you some games are playing for experience and others are playing to win.... I'm saying when we're playing to win the game at hand, regardless of the tournament (nationals, states, anything), then the best 9 should play.