When to make the move?

[MsDinosaur]

10 players is a little low, but IMO it should be do-able as long as those 10 players are dedicated tournament players. But if they're missing for vacations, church, etc. then it doesn't sound to me as though they are committed enough. I don't want to be cruel, but if girls and their families are expecting to be able to only practice and play when they feel like it, then they belong on a rec team.

I know you don't want to be the bad guy, but if your DD is putting in 100%, then she deserves to have teammates who are also giving their all.

 

[YOCOACH]

My DD's current 14u team has competed in 5 tournaments (2 fall / 2 winter / 1 spring). Of the 5 tournaments we had to borrow players in 4 of the 5 tournaments. We have 10 players on our team and of that number, we have girls missing because of vacations, church, etc. We only had 7 of our 10 at yesterday's game so we borrowed 2 from a 12u team so we played all 9. Our starting pitcher got hurt in the 2nd inning of the championship game and couldn't finish the game. So instead of forfeiting, we played with 8 and lost the championship 9-1. Several factors led to the 9-1 score but the main issue is the lack of players that is on our roster.

I'm sure this question has been asked before but I thought I would throw it out there for my situation. My DD has been offered spots on a couple of teams within the last few weeks but we have turned them down at that time. We feel very strongly about keeping our word and honoring our commitment that we made to the team. The coaches have been looking for more players, but has been doing that since September! We still have 10!

For me I just want my DD to have fun, become a better player and win some games and possibly a tournament if things go right. It isn't about wins. My DD is putting in 100% and more. Two team practices a week, at least one batting lesson, one pitching lesson a week and pitch with me another 2 times each week. She really has fun with most of her schedule, but she is frustrated with the player that only attends practice once or twice a month, doesn't attend batting practice, shows up to the games unprepared and goes 1-12 at the plate with 9 strike outs. That definitely takes the FUN out of it....

So where does the 'honor our commitment' end and common sense begin? My concern is that if we sit on the fence much longer the other two spots on the other teams will be filled and we will be stuck on a team, a team that is on the verge of collapse. I feel that if we leave then the team will dissolve which only makes things worse being labeled as the reason why the team fell apart, when all along we have only had 10 players, borrowing player for almost every tournament, etc.

ms244... My Dw and I just went through this very same scenario except we had an awful lot of parent drama included in the mix. After 5 tournaments our DD was not having fun either. Nor was she really learning much because we only had 6-7 girls show for practice and they were never the same ones so the coaches had to go back and cover what we worked on the last practice. Add to that hte coaches had to focus more on the team parents than the players to keep them in line and it turned into a nightmare. 3 players had left by that time for various reasons. We thought long and hard over this because if DD left, it would leave the team in dire straites. DD was #2 pitcher so that left them with 1 pitcher and the team was down to 9 players including DD so they would have 8 left. Ultimately, it came down to what was best for DD...so we cut our losses and left for another team. We felt extremely guilty for doing it but when it comes down to what was best for our daughter, it was a no-brainer. Do what you have to do. BTW...Our former team lost one more immediately after us yet came to our last tournament with 10 permanent players; not fill-ins or guests.

 

[left turn]

What is best for your DD? Is it best for her to stay and learn a lesson about commitment? Or is it best to move on and find a team that better suits both of your goals?

Will the next team provide her with equal opportunities while surrounding her with more dedicated players?

Will the current team provide her with better opportunities to become a more rounded player (than a new, more competitive team), just because they have more open needs?

In the end, you can't have a redo. Think about how you and your DD would feel about the season looking back in retrospect, if things stayed the same. If you would not be happy the balance you have struck between her progress, joy and understanding about commitment, then you should pursue greener pastures.

Before jumping, try to talk to the new team's parents. Also assess, if the team really has a need your daughter would fill that would be in her best interest.

 

[joemcq51]

My DD is on a 14U team that is exactly like yours. EVERY tournament there are loaner players so we can compete. It is a huge investment of your time and money. Hoestly, the team is probably going to dissolve by the end of summer. I would not wait. You need to look for a better situation for your DD. I know you feel you are doing the wrong thing by not honoring some commitment. Believe me when I tell you I have had many restless nights debating this in my mind. There is also a commitment that a team makes to your DD. If they are not able to field enough players for tournaments, the team is not honoring their commitment to you. I say move on to a better organization. Pitchers should pitch.

 

[ms244]

That is exactly where we are at. Borrowing players, on the verge of collapse and add in a couple of parents that won't stay out of the way. I have spent a lot of nights for the past few months awake debating on what was our next move.

 

[Sparky Guy]

That is exactly where we are at. Borrowing players, on the verge of collapse and add in a couple of parents that won't stay out of the way. I have spent a lot of nights for the past few months awake debating on what was our next move.

If things are as you say your DD is in a toxic situation. In most cases it usually only gets worse. You should stop beating yourself up. I have two girls who I've been working with individually over the winter. They were both on a team where the situation was very similar to yours. They both left the team and went to other teams. They are happier and look forward to playing ball and practice instead of dreading stepping on to the fields.

 

[ms244]

I wanted to follow-up on where we ended up on this situation. Things progressively got worse with one of the parents and my DD got progressively frustrated and unhappy about her time on the team. After careful consideration of our situation, comments and questions that were posted here and discussing this with our coach we decided yesterday to move to a new team. The new team has 11 dedicated and strong players that will allow my DD to continue her progression on becoming a better player. On our old team the instruction was lacking with practices that were very weak with detail and organization.

We were invited to participate in a scrimmage where the 14U team played a local HS Varsity team. I was impressed with the coaching staff and the players that participated. Great communication, good fundamentals and a strong team. The coaching staff worked great with my DD even though it was her first time meeting them. She pitched one inning and learned very quickly what happens when you throw a good pitch to a great hitter..... Yep, HR for the HS team! A quick eye opener for my DD but I was really impressed with how the coaches handled it and explained to my DD how to handle a strong batter next time she faced her. On our old team it was "You'll get them next time!".

She starts with the new team next week and she is SO looking forward to it. While we wish we could have joined this team in the fall, we are happy to join now and get 12-14 tournaments in before the end of the season.

Hopefully everything works out for my DD and she benefits from this change (I think she will). She has some upset players on her old team for leaving, but I had to do what was best for my DD at this time. Coaching was poor, players were weak and there was no direction for the future.

Thanks for all the advice!

 

[Sparky Guy]

Congrats to your DD on finding a place that sounds like she's going to fit in. It's tough when you have to do what's best for your DD as a player with the situation all around her is falling apart.

 

[rowdy]

IMO, 14U is not about "fun". This is where you hone your skills in preparation for HS and hopefully college. Otherwise this is just one heck of an expensive hobby which could probably pay for a few years of college. If this is for fun and you want a $2 trophy, stay put because the other team may be getting ready for exposure tournaments. There goals may not be the same, figure out you dd's goals and THEN find a team with like goals.

I couldn't disagree with you more. The reality is the game is always about fun. The minute is becomes about anything other than fun you will find your DD doing something else. I have 10 girls who could and maybe will play college ball. We work hard but at no time do we make the game more important than life lessons. Winning isn't everything, in fact if you win all the time you aren't playing good enough competition to reach your potential. But if you lose the fun, you lose the interest.

We have not lost any girls over the years but many very talented kids from other teams in the area have left the game. It is a shame because they were great athletes, but more than that they were great kids that my daughter and her teammates got to know through softball.

Please don't take this as I am holier than thou because the fact is that I learned through experience. I have a son that was a great baseball player in his youth. Played on one of the best teams in Texas but I pushed to hard and one day he told me he was done. That was one of the worst days of my life because he wasn't saying no to baseball as much as he was saying no to my approach to coaching and parenting.

 

[baller]

What is best for your DD? Is it best for her to stay and learn a lesson about commitment? Or is it best to move on and find a team that better suits both of your goals?

Will the next team provide her with equal opportunities while surrounding her with more dedicated players?

Will the current team provide her with better opportunities to become a more rounded player (than a new, more competitive team), just because they have more open needs?

In the end, you can't have a redo. Think about how you and your DD would feel about the season looking back in retrospect, if things stayed the same. If you would not be happy the balance you have struck between her progress, joy and understanding about commitment, then you should pursue greener pastures.

Before jumping, try to talk to the new team's parents. Also assess, if the team really has a need your daughter would fill that would be in her best interest.

^^^ This post says a lot. Commitment, something many people in this world have given up on. If you don't have your word, what do you have?