What to do for next year?

[fastpitchtwinz]

I will try to make this short. Let me give you some abbreviated history. My twin girls started playing softball in first grade. We moved out of state when they were in third grade. We then signed them up for rec ball through the local community sports organization. My DH became good friends with the softball commishioner. They noticed a core group of girls who had talent and were frustrated with rec (and whose parents did not want to drive far to practice for the established select teams in our state and they did not want to go to or pay for tourneys EVERY weekend). So after the first year of 10U rec,they formed an all-star team and played in 2 'C' tournies and did really well. So, they decided to go year round select with this core group for second year of 10U. My DH was made manager and 2 other dads were coaches. They played 1 fall tourney and came in first place. They signed up for 6 spring/summer tourneys and joined a 'C' league to play games on the off weekends. Again they did really well...even took 'C' Eastern World Series Championship. The league games were a joke and no competition for us, so my DH wanted to go 'B' this year and just play in more tourneys. He feels it's better to play tougher- more competitive teams even if you don't win everything. One of the other coaches, who had a ton of control as my DH is very laid back and this guy is not, he did not want to go 'B' and play more tourneys...he liked getting the trophies and his DD (our #1 pitcher) was also a competitive dancer and we had to schedule around her dance schedule and she couldn't do more tourneys. But, this guy agreed and we formed a 12U team in August and played in 2 fall tourneys and did badly (most of the team were 11 and our pitchers were just starting with the 12 inch ball and 40 feet . Plus this coach was a raging lunatic who berated the girls and threw stuff around and had the girls scared/stressed and in tears all the time). This jerk ended up leaving to form his own team and took 1/2 the girls with him...it was ugly. He started his mutiny 3 days before our 1st fall tourney and had this whole conniving calculated plan and totally riped apart our team throughout the fall. So off he went with 6 of our 12 players. But we plodded along adding players as we could and did winter workouts and then started our spring season with 11 players (now have 12 because 1 of the core who went with jerk has come back to us because he's such a jerk and so bad that his team is losing all their games...Karma). Most girls added were not really 'B' players, but we had to make the best go of it. We've done several tourneys and they are actually doing way better than we imagined and earned a berth to the 'B' Worlds. But, the families are super 'rec' and we have difficulty getting girls to show up and they want to cancel if it's hot and they complain about playing time and whatnot and they don't want to schedule too much and only 1 or 2 help with field prep and warming up pitchers and the other coaches come late or can't make practices. I manage 2 websites that have all the info they could ever need (and my DH sends out e-mails with weekly schedule), yet we get texts/calls/e-mails as we're trying to get out of the door...asking what time...which uniform...address of field...so-and-so is going to be late...etc. The girls are all nice good girls and the parents are nice and fun...but my DH just doesn't want to manage next year...he's worn out. He also feels that pitchers parents should not be managers...this forum is full of examples that back this (of people complaining that the managers DD gets all the pitching time).

So here is my dilemma...I wanted my girls to go to true 'A' or even 'B' team who did tourneys every weekend with players who were of 'select mentality' not 'rec mentality'...who eat, sleep and breathe softball like my girls do and don't miss 1/2 of practices for girl scouts, dance, family time, birthday parties, etc. My DH and I took them to a try-out(back in August) and tried to convince them to make the jump and they did not want to leave their team of friends...so we stayed and then all heck broke loose. They wanted to stay with their friends and they all left (core of 6 came up from last year's 10U team and 4 of them left with the jerk coach- my 2 DDs remained with 4 we had added in August). But now they are friends with this new team and they don't want to leave their friends. But we feel it's time. My DDs could play for an established 'A' team...they are being recruited. But my girls are so loyal to this current team even if it means less playing and less winning. They get frustrated with their teamates who make a lot of errors, but yet they want to stick around. And the parents want my DH to manage and we are getting bombarded with ?s. My DH feels guilty about leaving behind something he helped build and he falls for our DDs pouting about wanting to stay with their friends. He could be convinced to stay, but not manage (coach and work with pitchers)...and that is the worst option in my opinion...the possible new managers don't know softball and/or are BIG 'rec' mentality coaches. I want to move on. Our DDs realize that they most likely will move on, but they are not happy about it. We do love these families. Should we stay or should we go and if we're going...how and when do we let the cat out of the bag? We have to get through States and 2 other tourneys and then Worlds.

 

[Lozza]

Ugh, this is a hard one.

I was in the same boat as your daughters. I was too good for my team but due to politics (my grandfather was president of my association) I didn't want to leave. My mum wanted me to go because she felt I'd learn more elsewhere. I stayed and never met my full potential.

I would sit your daughters down and ask them what they want from their softball. If they want to have fun and be with their friends, leave them with their current team. If they say they want to be the best and play all the time ask them if they think they'll do that with their current team? They'll make new friends with their new teams, but it's very hard to make the initial move.

Ultimatly they should be the ones making the decision on whether to move or not. Not your or your husband.

 

[fastpitchtwinz]

They would choose to stay and have fun playing with their friends. But I feel it's the time for us to make the decision for them. Here is why...I know I will probably get blasted. My cousin's DD just graduated High School where she played softball and made all county...she's also played on the top select teams in our state since she was 10 and she excelled in school. She will play softball for 1 of our state colleges where she got a partial academic scholarship. That is our goal for our DDs because I will have 3 kids in college at the same time...any little bit helps. I know they won't be playing ball for the top softball teams in college or getting an entire free ride and it's not even likely that they'll get any athletic scholarship (I know those are few and far between)...but they make straight As in advanced classes so if a school wants them to play ball for them, they may get a partial academic scholarship. So we need them to develop to their full potential and at 12 they don't understand that and will make a decision based on what's fun for them right now and not long term.

 

[Lozza]

*hangs head*

Put any money you would have spent on travel ball in the bank for their college funds. You should find you'll have quite a bit of money saved from not doing travel. (I've seen parents on this very forum mention upwards of $50,000)

I can guarantee you if you force your daughters to play at a level they don't want to, away from their friends they will NOT play college ball. The girls who make that have a love for the game and want to be out their practising for hours on end. You can't force your girls into that.

 

[WinThemAll]

*must have no kids*

Sometimes to get a kid to try something you have to give them no other options.

 

[fastpitchtwinz]

Lozza-My girls do have a love for the game and want to play all the time and we are currently doing a light travel/select ball team that only costs @ $250-350 less than the 'A' team that is recruiting them. So not enough savings to forfeit possbility of partial scholarship.
Pride-I agree.

 

[Lozza]

Lozza-My girls do have a love and want to play all the time and we are currently doing a light travel/select ball that only costs @ $250-350 less than the 'A' team that is recruiting them.

I don't doubt they have a love. But they're currently telling you they love playing with their friends. That doesn't seem to bother you.

It's also not the $250-$300 for the team. That's $500. Let's add in the travel for the tournaments they're going on. I'll be generous and say $2000. That's $2500 for one year. That doesn't include the cost of lessons they'll need to have, the equipment they'll need to have. It could easily end up $10,000 for one year. Parents on here have said they paid $50,000 for their daughter's softball. You have twins. Putting that $100,000 is a much better investment.

I'm not telling you that you can't make your daughter's play in a different team. You're their parents. They'll be doing what you decide. What I'm telling you is, don't bank on softball paying for college. In fact, don't count on ANY money from potential scholarships. If you're having them play on top level teams, so they can get college scholarships, you are wasting your money.

 

[Momo'sDad]

Don't underestimate the importance of the social side of softball. They can make new friends, but for the time being, they really like what they already know.

Kids who excel academically and athletically are generally capable of making their own decisions. You undermine their confidence as well as ownership of their own lives when you aggressively insert yourself into their decision-making. I'm far from a perfect parent, but I listen to my DD when it comes to her interests. Once they commit to something, we should make sure they work hard to honor those commitments, but they need to be allowed to set their own goals, regardless of what we want for them.

From what you've said about your DDs, it sounds like they're going to be highly successful women, no matter what they end up doing in the future.

 

[joemcq51]

First thing I would say is that if you are having your dd's play softball in the hopes of a college scholarship, you need to reevaluate your situation. I promise that you will pay far more playing softball then you will get back in a scholarship. Second thing is that your dd's will only play and get better if the game is fun for them. If it feels like a job or chore, they will not put forth the effort to improve. The way I see it, you have two choices. Allow your DH to step out and focus on only your girls or continue to manage and find a way to run the team in the direction he wants. Your DD's will let you know when its time to get on a more competetive team. There will be time in the coming years to push them on better teams. Now is the time they should find a love for the game. Good luck.

 

[fastpitchtwinz]

I said I did not expect any kind of athletic scholarship but an academic 1... if a school wants a girl for their ball team, they'll find an academic scholarship to give them, even if it is a small amount. We currently do travel (2 weekend tourneys out of town and 1 week long Worlds in Orlando) and take 1 of our DDs to a pitching coach. That won't change all that much on the 'A' team we're thinking of going to...they just play in more tourneys (and they are local ones...in state) than our current team and they are more competitive. They have managers/coaches in place, so DH could just assist and not be responsible for as much.
And we do honor commitments...I'm not talking about quitting current team during season...talking about moving on for next year. Moving on to the next level.
And Lozza, I did say it bothers us...it played on us so much that we allowed them to stay with the team this year and that decision bit us in the butt when the jerk coach caused all his trouble and then split.