What ever happened to Courtesy & Respect?

[cmustangsfp]

Of course, there are times when it is appropriate to leave in mid-season. I and others are simplifying things when we say 'keep your commitment'. That's really another thread - When is it appropriate to break a commitment? There are times when you have to go. If a coach says he'll bat the full roster every game, then sits your DD out all weekend, that would be an example.

But if you do have to break a commitment, there are respectful and courteous ways of doing it. The example given here - a 10-player team that loses two players right after a tournament without the coach having a clue that might happen - doesn't sound so good.

I agree. One team there was no respect given from the coach so we basically told him we were going to pursue other options. We attempted to talk to him but he was very withdrawn and kept his thoughts to himself. He also tried to run 3 teams as the HC for each one. Sometimes with 2 out of 3 playing on the same weekends. He had more than enough as he would take anyone that showed up at tryouts and stick them on one of the teams to get the money. So after the second dismal tournament with them we left. Several others wanted to go with us and start our own team.
Other teams we left on more cordial terms and we always didn't leave the coaches in a lurch. Sometimes when people start leaving teams, for whatever reasons, it can seem like the opportunity others were waiting for to leave. Sometimes the parent-speak is true and there are problems on the team that do not provide a good expereince for the DD's involved. Also some people see it as the rats leaving a sinking ship and jump also.

 

[Momo'sDad]

It's good to be back and what a great topic for this time of year. Not knowing where Catchthefever is located, it's tough to understand where the complaint is because, this is tryout season here in NorCal. All the major tourneys were in July-early August and then tryouts began about a week later.

As a coach, one of the most challenging jobs is to manage parent expectations. The fact that a group of parents, players, and coaches gets along well doesn't mean that everyone feels they're getting what they signed up for or that what they want won't change over time. Coaches can have great intentions, do everything right, and still fall short in giving 12 players and their parents everything they'd hope to get during a softball season. If everyone is getting virtually equal playing time, parents are going to be upset because the team wasn't competitive enough. If the team is winning, but some DD's aren't seeing the field very often, parents are going to complain that the HC only cares about winning. Most coaches can't win and as a coach, you're guaranteed to fail if you attempt to please everyone.

As a parent and coach, I'm saying definitively that in 10u and 12u, REPS ARE EVERYTHING. Yes, there are parents who want to chase that 10u/12u glory. Let them. Based on what the OP said, it sounds like their DD may have just moved up in the lineup a bit. No, they cannot play with 8, but I'm sure they'll be able to find some parent willing to take a position that guarantees their DD will see the field.

 

[Momo'sDad]

As for the courtesy question, every deal is different, but I think the best way to be fair to oneself is to also be fair to those around you. I think every family needs to have a conversation after the final game of the season and then determine what they'd like to do moving forward. It's great if coaches receive a heads-up in advance, but I see nothing wrong with waiting until after that last game to make intentions known. That's fair.

The TB world is very small and gets even smaller as the players get older. If a 10u parent wants to start burning bridges now, make sure that you're safely on one shore or the other.

My DD loves her team and her coaches, and most importantly, she's in a position where she's able to get plenty of reps at multiple positions and playing against a high level of competition. My wife and I like her team, coaches, and the other parents. I cannot imagine a better situation for Mojo going into 12u, but that doesn't mean that our experience has been the same as every other family. Even if it's been a wonderful experience for their DD, they may feel something different would be a better fit and again, there's nothing wrong with informing the coach of that.

Most of us tend to treat people the way we'd want to be treated, and there's no shortage of differences as far as that's concerned. Unfortunately, common courtesy for one is an awkward inconvenience for another. C'est la vie.

 

[shockcoach]

Do yourself a huge favor. Wish the two families the best with their new team. Move on, don't take it personal and hold no grudges. Then start looking for 4 new players so that you are not put into the same situation again. 10 is not enough girls to field a team. The coach holds part of the responsibility for only carrying 10 kids.

 

[undergroundga]

Do yourself a huge favor. Wish the two families the best with their new team. Move on, don't take it personal and hold no grudges. Then start looking for 4 new players so that you are not put into the same situation again. 10 is not enough girls to field a team. The coach holds part of the responsibility for only carrying 10 kids.

I agree that 10 is too few, especially at the younger age groups. My dd is playing on a new team this year that is only carrying 10. Last season, with about 5 tourneys to go, there was some drama with one of the families. The coach began looking around for a girl to fill the position in case family left, since they already had 1 girl on IR.(which is how we began to get hooked up with team) Coach managed to put the fire out but if he hadn't it would've left them in a bad spot at a bad time of year to find quality players.
I coach a team that started out as our rec league allstar team last summer. When we decided to continue on and play a toned down travel schedule(4 tourneys and 12 dbl headers), against one of our other coaches promptings(he wanted to carry 10), we put 12 girls on the roster. By the end of fall we were down to 11. End of winter we were down to 9. Each family had their own reason, but none we're playing time. They were all starters, and 2 were our 1 and 2 pitchers(worked out great for us, my dd was s'posed to only be a relief pitcher but ended up starting most of our remaining schedule and performed magnificently). By the end of summer we were using pick up players every game just to be able to play, but our lack of depth by that point killed us.
I will carry 12 again this year. My dd won't be one of the 12.

 

[WARRIORMIKE]

I think Courtesy and Respect moved out and got a divorce. Haven't heard from them in years.

 

[MsDinosaur]

Have to disagree there....the 90's alternative rock scene had some amazing bands and songs....plus recordings finally got good....

Yes, the technology got better, but I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on any decade's rock being better than the 70's.

I was sitting in the living room last night and all of a sudden Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody started playing. From DD's laptop. I was stunned. She explained that she needed to learn it because they wanted to do a parody of it in Bridges class. So I muted the TV and sang along...because you just have to, LOL! Even my Ms. Ick-it's-old-fogie-music had to admit it was one heck of a song.

I hadn't even had Queen in my mind when I was saying the 70's were the best. I was always more of a Stones/Who/Eagles/Fleetwood Mac fan. JMHO but that era was so good, that a song like that just melts into the crowd. Incredible! The 70's won't ever be topped for me.

 

[MsDinosaur]

I think this has diverged into 2 questions.

1. Is it OK to leave after the season without notice or at least mentioning to the coach your intent? IMHO it's OK to leave at this time. If you have a good relationship with coach, try and do so without burning any bridges. Coaches, if you really want kids to tell you they are trying out for other teams, you need to make it clear that if they tell you and stay it won't affect them. This is done through words and actions when someone does tell them. It also might clear up problems that are causing them to leave. Just because someone doesn't complain doesn't mean that aren't upset about something.

2. Is it OK to leave Mid Season? I think it's OK if you have first tried to talk to the coach about your concerns. Also, I believe you owe it to the team to offer to stay on until they can find a suitable replacement and get unis,etc. We had 3 kids leave early spring and had to miss a couple of tourneys until we could replace. Not fair to the other kids.

1) I think it's perfectly ok to leave after the season. That's what the tryout season is for.

2) Barring egregious misconduct, it is not ok to leave mid-season. Honor your commitment and stick it out.

 

[BaldNBeautiful]

I was sitting in the living room last night and all of a sudden Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody started playing. From DD's laptop. I was stunned. She explained that she needed to learn it because they wanted to do a parody of it in Bridges class. So I muted the TV and sang along...because you just have to, LOL! Even my Ms. Ick-it's-old-fogie-music had to admit it was one heck of a song.

QUOTE]

Bohemian Rhapsody is best when you are driving. But you have to do all the movements that Michael Myers did in "Wayne's World."

 

[Pdiddy]

Yes, the technology got better, but I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on any decade's rock being better than the 70's.

I was sitting in the living room last night and all of a sudden Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody started playing. From DD's laptop. I was stunned. She explained that she needed to learn it because they wanted to do a parody of it in Bridges class. So I muted the TV and sang along...because you just have to, LOL! Even my Ms. Ick-it's-old-fogie-music had to admit it was one heck of a song.

I hadn't even had Queen in my mind when I was saying the 70's were the best. I was always more of a Stones/Who/Eagles/Fleetwood Mac fan. JMHO but that era was so good, that a song like that just melts into the crowd. Incredible! The 70's won't ever be topped for me.

Big fan of Queen and 70's music.....but come on...Nirvana, Pearl Jam, The Smashing Pumpkins, Soundgarden, Weezer, 311, Green Day, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Rage Against The Machine, The Foo Fighters, Blink 182.....you need to give the decade it's due!

But just to confuse the po-po here....I think courtesy and respect is way over rated, unless I'm not getting either one....