We quit our team today

[quincy]

DD was her Teams #1 pitch, but not by much.

Another player was chasing her down, DD and me were her biggest supporters. Next to her parents.

It was close at the end of the year, I think DD was better.

 

[grcsftbll]

Last night we went and practiced with our old coach's new team. We love the coach, I'm good friends with his wife, and his DD and my DD are best friends. He's the assistant coach on this team, which has 7 girls and has struggled to fill its roster (lotsa 10U teams in these parts). They don't play the kind of competitive tournaments we really want to play (the kid too, she loves playing "hard teams"). She would be #1 pitcher (head coach's daughter does pitch - she's pretty good too), and short stop when not pitching if we went with this team. And it would likely be a drama free experience, which is a big plus. She would once again be the team super star though. Not by as much as on her 8U team but still by a not insignificant margin. Of course, considering how much our now ex coach stomped on her confidence, that might not be all bad. We're picking up with them this weekend.

Option 2 is another 10U team (all 06 girls I think) in the same organization as the team we just left. They were pretty clear about being nothing like the coach on the one we just left, and I believe them. One weekend awhile back when our team was off I'd emailed them to see if they wanted a pick up pitcher for a weekend. They'd posted about needing another pitcher permanently on the team so I thought she could fill the gap for the weekend. The head coach responded, very nicely, that they didn't pick up girls because they want their own players to get the playing time. So there is evidence to support what he says. And we like the organization itself a lot. They are letting us play with them the 5th and 12th, in the hopes we will join them permanently. We know some of the girls from when we picked up with a team last year in 8U, and there may be some potential parent drama there. The team they came from ended up falling apart. But the team currently seems to be getting along well & we like the coaches so far, just from phone and email conversations. They say they would want her for pitcher and short stop & they play an A schedule so she'd often be pitching to good batters. She'd be player #12. Final positive, they already have our money Main negative: they practice an hour away. The weeknight practice is optional but we'd want to go. But we live in the outskirts of the Atlanta 'burbs so we're pretty used to driving a lot. ETA: head coach has no daughter on this team.

Option 3: we're picking up with a team on 19th, also play an A schedule but probably a younger group than option 2 (which is fine with us). They have several 07 girls. Both their main pitchers are 07. The coach does hitting lessons where my DD does pitching lessons, so he's seen her in action and he would want her as the lead pitcher he says. He's very nice, his daughter is awesome (she catches; she pitches a little but he said she'll do an inning here or there but really prefers catching). I don't know a lot about the team yet. We're going to practice with them next week. They're about 45 minutes away if there's no traffic.

We got a LOT of emails from coaches when I posted about her on the local board, and I'm trying to sort through the things they say to figure out which are good options but really I think I have it down to these 3. And really, probably one of the 2 that plays an A schedule. Much as we love our old coach, we've played a couple of B tourneys in 10U with the ex team and none of us really want to go back to that long term. But this weekend, having her play with her BFF and the coach who genuinely loves her and has known her since she was 5, and me sitting with his wife during the games...that's gonna be awesome.

Oh, all 3 teams have offered DH an AC spot if she joins the team. He's got some good coaching experience but he's pretty much decided wherever we go he's going to decline. She learns better from other people than from him, plus our older DD is going to be playing tournaments too. If he's not coaching, we can swap out more evenly so he doesn't miss so many of her games.

I think we'll probably decide after the 19th, when we've played tournaments with all 3. What am I not thinking of? I'm so nervous about choosing wrong again. I'm usually good at judging people but the last coach really pulled the wool over our eyes. I know lots of the other parents feel that way too. I really want to settle in somewhere and NOT change teams again in the fall (which is another downside for option 1- they're an 05 team and we don't want to play up next year).

 

[Me_and_my_big_mouth]

They don't play the kind of competitive tournaments we really want to play (the kid too, she loves playing "hard teams"). She would be #1 pitcher (head coach's daughter does pitch - she's pretty good too), and short stop when not pitching if we went with this team. And it would likely be a drama free experience, which is a big plus. She would once again be the team super star though.

So this solidly breaks Rule #1 for me: No teams where coach's dd pitches, and yours is better. Recipe for disaster. Also, there's a reason you left the first time, right? They weren't competitive enough? Personally, I'd rather see my dd struggle on a team that kicks butt and challenges her, than be a stud on a team where she isn't learning. She's 14, and she'll tell you the same thing. You've seemed pretty clear that your objective isn't just for dd to have fun, it's also to learn and be challenged. Don't compromise that. But certainly have big fun this weekend!

Option 2 is another 10U team (all 06 girls I think) in the same organization as the team we just left. They were pretty clear about being nothing like the coach on the one we just left, and I believe them. One weekend awhile back when our team was off I'd emailed them to see if they wanted a pick up pitcher for a weekend. They'd posted about needing another pitcher permanently on the team so I thought she could fill the gap for the weekend. The head coach responded, very nicely, that they didn't pick up girls because they want their own players to get the playing time. So there is evidence to support what he says.

there may be some potential parent drama there. The team they came from ended up falling apart.

Financially, I like this one - but why do they need a pitcher if they're so awesome? Not saying they aren't great - but just be aware that you are being romanced, so they'll tell you whatever they need to tell you to get you there. They emailed that they don't take pickup players, right, but if I'm reading right - isn't she picking up with them later? And the whole deal about the team blowing up? Yeah that makes me want to run for the hills. I read this a few times and it seems like the drive might be the least of your issues. When you're picking up, stay quiet. Listen to parents and hear what is really happening on the team.

Option 3: we're picking up with a team on 19th, also play an A schedule but probably a younger group than option 2 (which is fine with us). They have several 07 girls. Both their main pitchers are 07. The coach does hitting lessons where my DD does pitching lessons, so he's seen her in action and he would want her as the lead pitcher he says. He's very nice, his daughter is awesome (she catches; she pitches a little but he said she'll do an inning here or there but really prefers catching). I don't know a lot about the team yet. We're going to practice with them next week. They're about 45 minutes away if there's no traffic.

I would try to keep her with girls her age. She'll end up moving up and you'll be facing this all over again. It stinks when they get used to playing together and then have to age up and leave teammates behind. Part of what you're trying to achieve, in a perfect world, is synergy between the girls. The longer they play together, the more trust they have for each other and the better they'll play.

We got a LOT of emails from coaches when I posted about her on the local board, and I'm trying to sort through the things they say to figure out which are good options but really I think I have it down to these 3. And really, probably one of the 2 that plays an A schedule.

If it's me, I'm probably not done looking. That's just my opinion. If you have had lots of emails, then it isn't like you're struggling to find a home. Take your time as you're guest playing. Listen to parents. Ask questions. Watch the girls and the coaches. And when I say listen to the parents, they'll also talk about other teams and players (because that's just how it is). Listen to that, too. It's all about the recon.

Good luck, and enjoy the weekend watching dd play.

 

[grcsftbll]

Thanks for the input! Yes, we left our first coach because we wanted to play more competitively. And that issue would still be there. And we don't want our DD to be the team stud. I mean, we're happy that she's good but we want her to be challenged. So yes, we're pretty sure that's going to be a deal breaker even though it makes us sad, since we like the AC and his family so much.

The team that blew up was a different organization, but 3 of the parents from that org are on the option 2 team now. I don't know the story, so I'm not saying those parents were the problem at all. I really have no idea. It's just a bit of a red flag we want to pay attention to. One set of parents from the other team we know a little better and really like. I don't think they are the drama types. But man, I really hate drama so I want to be careful. The only reason they're letting her play without being on the team, at least from what I'm hearing, is because they really want to keep her in the organization and we flat out will not commit to a team we haven't played with right now. But I also get your point here. We will definitely proceed with caution.

The third team is an 06 team with a few 07 girls, so we could stay with them though there may be more turnover if the 07 girls stay down after next year. I know some turnover is inevitable but I really do want to try to find a core group that will stay together long term. Besides the performance girls gain when they are used to playing together, I think the stability is a good thing for my kid. It's why it took us so long to decide to leave our team, even though we could tell pretty early we weren't going to be happy. We didn't want to have the exact instability we have at this moment. But, it is what it is and we're all so relieved to not have to deal w/ the coach anymore it's totally worth it. lol

She told me last night that at one of the games at the friendly, she was sitting with 2 other girls. She was watching the game, while the other 2 were playing some game between themselves. The coach came in and asked who wanted to play center field for an inning. Mine said she did (she ALWAYS wants to play); the other 2 were having fun playing whatever they were playing and did not volunteer. He told her no, she played last inning, and sent in one of the girls who didn't even want to play. That seems so crazy to me. Anyway, it doesn't matter because we don't have to deal with him ever again but it was just one more thing that let me know we did the right thing.

 

[FL02]

A lot of good advice given…

I think this “Crazy 10U Mom” may have a lot to learn about travel ball, the long term, and probably needs to calm way down on softball or DD will suffer the consequences. Luckily they are in a big area and can afford to burn some bridges, but eventually you run out of teams that will take you.
I wonder if the accused coaches had enough just like OP. My guess is they are sleeping much better as well.

Saturday Post:
And on a slightly braggy note just to throw it in here, we played a friendly today. Our coach, well, kind of sucks. So she doesn't pitch as much as she should. But our #1 is hurt so she pitched more than usual and she looked fantastic. No runs on her but one and that was actually a strike out, who made it to first on a drop 3rd strike then the first baseman dropped the ball. She eventually scored but that was it. We beat the 05 Vipers 3-2; both runs they scored were off another pitcher.

Sunday Post: We quit
Today we played a 3-game friendly and he picked up players, and sat his own players. Who picks up players for what is essentially a glorified scrimmage? Isn't the point of the scrimmage to get your own players practice? It's really been quite a nauseating experience watching him suck up to the parents of the players he is trying to woo.

Wait if one of the players can’t play then maybe a few pickups is not quit worthy?

Many coaches would be offended if a parent was posting to team board about decisions without understanding the situation
She had to sit a lot too, and she's a starting infielder even when she's not pitching. He did that as a punishment, because I said on our message group that I didn't think we needed pick up players for a friendly. That she sat most of the first game is not a coincidence. Again, we're part of a team full of talented girls and part of being on a team is that sometimes you sit. We've had that discussion and she doesn't like sitting but she accepts it, cheers for her team, etc. It's not the sitting, it's a combo of him sitting her to punish me, and his sitting not just her but 3 other of our own girls most of the day so these other girls who aren't on the team could play. The 2 girls he picked up never sat once or had to skip an at bat.

Given OP has posted more in a few months than just about anyone with many years of contribution I wonder how many critical posts are on that team board?

It's hard for parents given the competition among individuals in a team environment, especially pitchers. However some humility and respect go along way.

 

[grcsftbll]

The #1 pitcher was hurt after he picked up the girls. No connection there. She played the first game then her leg was hurting and she had to sit the 2nd 2.

With 3 years of playing and a good bit of picking up, we've worked with many coaches. We have never had issues like this before. I have actually been quite reserved about it on here. Unless you were there, you can't know how bad it actually got.

ETA: asking on the group why we needed to pick up for a friendly was literally the first time I EVER challenged any decision he ever made. And it was asked just that way. Why are we doing it? He could have chosen to explain then, because easily half the parents were very unhappy with the decision. But he didn't.

 

[grcsftbll]

And what's wrong with being an active poster? I'm a message board junkie, I admit it. I love getting really involved in a subject that I'm interested in and I do tend to be an active poster on most boards I'm a member of (which isn't many since I tend to be a focused type). It helps that I type pretty quickly, makes posting not particularly cumbersome. It never occurred to me that posting could be construed as a negative thing.

 

[Rocketech1]

With 3 years of playing and a good bit of picking up, we've worked with many coaches. We have never had issues like this before. I have actually been quite reserved about it on here. Unless you were there, you can't know how bad it actually got.

While 3 years seems like an eternity in youth sports, you and your DD have just scratched the surface. My DD started playing at 5YO and will be 14YO in a few months and I can tell you without reservation that the "insanity" of 8U - 12U starts going away and when I look back at all the angst and frustration ("what team will she be on"; "is she getting enough playing time"; "will she make the "gold" all-star vs the lesser "silver" team"; "is she the #1 pitcher"; "why isn't she batting higher in the line-up"; politics; daddy ball; crazy board members; the list goes on...and the reality is 90% of the problem is the parents. For the most part, the players enjoy the game and we parents create all the drama.

My only advice here is try to enjoy the journey (it goes by very quick); try to support the other players, families, and especially the coaches; and change your moniker to "Supportive and Rational 10U Mom"

 

[grcsftbll]

No, I know, 3 years is not very long. I only meant to say that we really are not "those parents." My husband is the most likeable guy ever. I may not be quite as likeable, because I'm very introverted, but I'm not difficult, and I am a team person. I love the whole idea of Team. We have never had issues with any coach yet. They tend to love our daughter and like us fine. So this is a new experience for us, and I just never expected that a coach not liking us would have such an impact on our child.

My crazy 10U mom thing is supposed to be tongue in cheek. I'm a left brained, rational type for the most part. But maybe I should change the signature anyway. Lol

 

[DNeeld]

Just my opinion, but I think you place way too much emphasis on being "A" level given that it is 10U and that she is so young.

Being in the circle consistently and pitching four or five innings a game - even against batters that might only have a low chance of even making contact with the ball - will much better serve her in the future than pitching four or five innings a season against top level competition.