time to move on?

[sluggers]

To echo what GoingDeep said, you need to have a clear idea about your DD's goals. And, then her goals have to be tempered with reality.

My DD#1 played on with an upper level 16U team at 13YOA, but she didn't play much. She moved to a less competitive team, and pitched as much as she wanted (which turned out to be almost every game). She loved it and she learned a lot.

Softball is to be played, not watched. If your DD is going to sit the bench, then find another team where she can play as much as she wants.

 

[MandM]

Thank you all for your comments- it has helped me frame my discussion with DD. Sluggers, I think my expectations have had a good dose of reality after this fall experience- DD's aspiration right now- 1) to increase her speed for the spring 2) to be considered for starting pitcher for her HS. She loves to play softball and I would like her to have the opportunity to play softball in college, it would be a great experience. But I think she has a long way to go to do that as a pitcher (reality).

Anyway, regardless of the coach, I think it best DD not go back to this environment. She feels same- she wants a place with girls she can get along well with and where she can grow with team.

 

[NVfishing]

Thank you all for your comments- it has helped me frame my discussion with DD. Sluggers, I think my expectations have had a good dose of reality after this fall experience- DD's aspiration right now- 1) to increase her speed for the spring 2) to be considered for starting pitcher for her HS. She loves to play softball and I would like her to have the opportunity to play softball in college, it would be a great experience. But I think she has a long way to go to do that as a pitcher (reality).

Anyway, regardless of the coach, I think it best DD not go back to this environment. She feels same- she wants a place with girls she can get along well with and where she can grow with team.

Team dynamics are always difficult. Team dynamics for a pitcher are even more difficult. Your daughter has a slim chance to find a team where she will be excepted. If your DD goes to a team and wins the pitching job then there will be players that are friends with the player your DD beat out. I have yet to see a team that doesn't have girls taking sides on inner team rivalries and clicks. New players tend to be the outsider looking in.

 

[Atlantabell]

MandM, If you don't mind me asking, why did you move her up? Did you decide on your own or was it recommended? Here is why I ask. Sometimes players move from 14 U to 18 U because someone tells them they should. Usually it's a coach, maybe a pitching coach, etc. They usually tell you that she needs to get to that level NOW because college coaches will expect her to be at that level NOW. What they forget is that difference between 14 U and 18 U ball is huge in almost every respect, especially in regards to maturity. They also don't mention that unless your daughter is a super stud pitcher who will go to UCLA, Georgia, etc. most of the colleges aren't even looking at her year yet. Many times they are forgetting the importance of being able to grow and develop with a 14 U or 16 U team. Talk to the coach, get through the fall and then move. Even if this is a good organization, it's no good if your kid isn't learning, growing and enjoying the process. JMO.

 

[MandM]

Atlantabell- we live in an area where there 16U is not competitive & there are few teams- since many freshmen will be playing in HS against older girls, most after 14U go to 18U teams. That is why we made this decision. (which in retrospect, was not so good). To complete the picture of why this was more problematic for us, the team is mixed ages. The #1 pitcher is a junior, #2 is also a freshman, remainder of players are mix. DD is not 14U eligible in January as she is Dec 97 bday. In fairness to our pitching coach, she definitely had reservations about this, and thought that DD might not be ready. She knew organization has very good reputation in our area, but she expressed concern that DD's confidence may suffer. In fact, other than the one outing, DD has done reasonably well - last two outings particularly- but had to prove herself after having a poor showing. Despite doing well last two outings, coach was particularly critical towards her and DD, despite having thick skin born of two older brothers, was negatively affected. This has helped DD and I have a good conversation about her goals. I just needed to vent and all your feedback has been helpful. An important reality check too.

Also wanted to mention DD was with same team for two years prior- but this team folded after the summer so she needed new home

 

[joemcq51]

It sounds like I am in the minority on this one. She went out for and made an 18U team in a reputable program. She started the fall as #3 pitcher. As a freshman in HS, she is essentially playing 18u anyway. You say there are very few 16u teams, which means that every tournament you enter will combine 16U and 18U together. Where are all the other kids who age up from 14U last summer playing? They must be on 18U teams, right? I would explain to your DD, that the rest of her softball career, she will be playing against girls who are as committed and driven as she is. She will have to compete for playing time all the way through college. Use the coach's feedback as fuel to fire her practice time. If she becomes lights out compared to the other pitchers on the team, she will get plenty of circle time. No coach from a good 18u team will keep her out of the circle, while losing with a lesser pitcher. I tell my DD all the time, it doesn't matter if her Dad or Mom think she is the better pitcher. She needs to make sure every player, parent and coach know it also. Leave no doubt and she will have plenty of innings. If she gets along with her current teammates and the coach coming in to run the team is supposed to be a good coach, I would leave her.

 

[Boomers2012]

Very good point joemcq51. I guess I have never really thought about it that way. My DD is still 10U so I guess that time is coming for her.

 

[David Carter]

I'm with Joe, always assuming the grass is greener in other pastures can lead to playing on 4 teams in 4 years, which is usually not much fun. Again if it was going to be the same coach it might be a tougher decision. Also with a few more postings it sound like she had a couple good tournaments towards the end of the season but also had a few bad outings to begin with, I would still have a heart to heart with the coach, maybe he was hesitant after the bad outings to use her again, maybe he is looking for more consistency, especially since season is done or almost done and he is not coaching next years team I would think both of you could approach this amicably, you: so give me an honest assessment of what you think DD needs to work on to improve coach: this season here is what I saw. Biggest thing is DON'T be defensive remember he is telling you what he saw from his perspective and as much as you disagree there is probably some truth in there.

There are very few situations where a new 14U should expect to walk onto a good 18U team and be the #1, now after half a season worth of proving herself like joe said the only thing coaches want to do more than coddle their favorites is WIN and if it is obvious to everyone going to the games who the #1 pitcher should be he will come around, on the other side of that coin though is if things are close to equal that junior/senior who is trying to get a scholarship might get more time in the circle (especially at expo tournies) than a freshman and you would hope for the same treatment when you are a junior/senior #1 pitcher.

So for next year if you are going in as a freshman on a good team as the #3, expecting at least 25% of circle time, I would say just continue working hard and getting result. Again the assumption is the team dynamics with the other girls and new coaching staff is not toxic.

 

[Greenmonsters]

A good coach sometimes will treat players differently based on ability and potential. The good players who haven't reached their potential will get pushed, but the ones that already have maxed out won't. Don't know enough to say whether this might be applicable to the OP's situation or whether the coach is just an ignoramus.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

I am starting to conclude that "playing up" just does not work (in general). I am talking about playing-up from an A level younger team to a same A level older team. (don't want to even consider going from a younger A to an older B..... I am not talking about those cases.)

I think that even if the younger girl can compete in the older squad, she will still get mental "wounds" from the older players and environment. I think for it to work the player has to be a top 10% player when they get to that older team. (to automatically have the older girls respect)

Keep the girls in their own age brackets.

my .02 ......