Thoughts on team discipline for the actions of a few?

[#7sDad]

The coach has tried discipline already and it hasn't worked, so there's no need to continue down that path.

The coach needs to salvage the team immediately and show that being on the team is a privilege. He should cut the no show and cut the bad seed. Then he should have a team meeting with the remaining girls (and parents) and invite anyone else who doesn't want to give a 100% an opportunity to leave as well. The actions of those not trying are not fair to those who are there to play and practice hard. The disrespect will also no longer be tolerated and girls will be asked to leave practice, and if it becomes a problem they'll be asked to leave the team as well.

Then, move past it and remind everyone of all the good reasons they are there and why they joined the team in the first place. Some team building drills and activities also might be helpful.

Now, since you're not the coach, you'll have to figure out a way to 'help' the coach to make the hard decision. There are plenty of teams looking for dedicated, hard working girls. You have 4 players who are not getting the TB experience you signed up for. If the other three families will stand beside you, go to the coach together with your concerns. If they aren't willing to go with you, then you must be willing to leave the team by yourself and find a better situation for your DD. I would not leave her on this team as-is, it may ruin her love for the game.

Best of luck and let us know what you decide and how things turn out.

 

[InsidePitch]

I have been through this. DD was 11 on a mixed 12U team. The problem child was a big girl in 7th grade. She gave the stink eye to those who tried to hard or put out too much effort. Finally I asked a few of the girls why they let her boss them into not trying. The response floored me. "you don't get it. we have to go to school with her for the next 5 years and she will make our lives miserable." Never did it dawn on me that one kid could hold that much sway but she was popular with a popular older sister and affluent parents. DD was not one influenced because she went to a different school but the 5-6 kids that did were definitely intimidated by her. Needless to say we parted ways at the end of the season.

Not saying this is what's going on with your team but I'd try to isolate the one kid and see if you can't break the tie.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Oh, dang. I would leave and I would tell the head coach why.

 

[KPower]

I have been through this. DD was 11 on a mixed 12U team. The problem child was a big girl in 7th grade. She gave the stink eye to those who tried to hard or put out too much effort. Finally I asked a few of the girls why they let her boss them into not trying. The response floored me. "you don't get it. we have to go to school with her for the next 5 years and she will make our lives miserable." Never did it dawn on me that one kid could hold that much sway but she was popular with a popular older sister and affluent parents. DD was not one influenced because she went to a different school but the 5-6 kids that did were definitely intimidated by her. Needless to say we parted ways at the end of the season.

Not saying this is what's going on with your team but I'd try to isolate the one kid and see if you can't break the tie.

Definitely interesting...I can't quite put my finger on the tie. This team is made up of girls from 10 different schools. We only have 2 girls who attend the same school. The team has players from a 1 hr radius.

The "ringleader" has been thru almost the entire team making each girl her "bestie" - posting pics on FB and Instagram, bringing her special treats and presents to games etc. And then shortly after turns on said "bestie" leaving her in tears. Our HC called me one day to express his frustration at his daughter's feelings being hurt. Yet...so many of those girls act like abused puppies - seeking the approval and friendship of this one girl. It is so weird. I know this age is hard...but geez. This is ridiculous! Thankfully DD doesn't play into the girl drama. As soon as there is a hint of it she backs away quickly.

 

[#7sDad]

The "ringleader" has been thru almost the entire team making each girl her "bestie" - posting pics on FB and Instagram, bringing her special treats and presents to games etc. And then shortly after turns on said "bestie" leaving her in tears.

Oh geez. If your team is 12U, then the girls must all be about 6-7 graders and this is the classic middle school 'mean girl.' DD went through a very similar situation in MS as well.

Run Forest, Run!

 

[Eric F]

If the usual tactics aren't working, I might try to flip the script a little...

If the player is clearly not making an effort, or is repeatedly giving a half-assed effort after being instructed to step it up, I would make her sit in the dugout and not allow her to participate until she was willing to improve her effort. If she comes back on the field, and resumes with a lack of effort, she goes back to the dugout. If she continues, she gets asked to leave practice with the understanding that not participating in practice also means that her playing time will be reduced. At this point, someone won't be happy - likely the parents (who they are unhappy with will tell you a lot, too). Be sure to make it very clear the reason for her exclusion, and what your expectations are.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Oh, I did that, once. It was the team from Hell and they were 11. I was a paid instructor. This girl kept goofing off and on fly balls she would snatch it out of the air, no matter what i was teaching.

I yelled, "Sit down!" She looked startled, but she sat. I don't know if it helped, but I showed that other girls that she was responsible for her actions.

 

[Terror Coach]

I'm shocked so many people suggest you quit. IMO you don't quit. That is horrible advice. At the end of this season if the coach hasn't corrected the issue then you find another team. You have to give the coach a chance to work on the issue.

My advice to the coach would be to remove the kid from practice when she acts up. Send her home early and let her explain to mom and dad why she was sent home. If she comes back and you have an issue again you send her home and she is suspended from the team for a week. I would also suggest holding back playing time till she improves. I have also had luck with these type of kids putting them in a leadership role. For example I have a girl that didn't like to do her warmup jog. So I had her lead the pack when jogging. Now she feels important and she gets her running in.

Keep in mind it isn't easy being a coach. A lot of us get into coaching to help kids. Clearly this kid needs help.

 

[KPower]

I'm shocked so many people suggest you quit. IMO you don't quit. That is horrible advice. At the end of this season if the coach hasn't corrected the issue then you find another team. You have to give the coach a chance to work on the issue.

My advice to the coach would be to remove the kid from practice when she acts up. Send her home early and let her explain to mom and dad why she was sent home. If she comes back and you have an issue again you send her home and she is suspended from the team for a week. I would also suggest holding back playing time till she improves. I have also had luck with these type of kids putting them in a leadership role. For example I have a girl that didn't like to do her warmup jog. So I had her lead the pack when jogging. Now she feels important and she gets her running in.

Keep in mind it isn't easy being a coach. A lot of us get into coaching to help kids. Clearly this kid needs help.

I think this pretty much sums up my thoughts. We will not leave the team yet. DD made a decision to continue with this team and she will see it thru this season. Come July if things haven't changed we will make a change at that point.

This kid definitely needs boundaries. She has been allowed to rule the roost for far to long. I love the idea of putting her in a leadership role...now I just have to find a way to suggest that to the HC. I have known him for many years and we have a pretty good rapport - I just try to stay out of his way when it comes to coaching because I want to respect that that is his territory. I'm not coaching because I don't want that responsibility.

 

[Hawkeyes]

This tactic does work and i have seen it work many times. It forces student leaders and students to be accountable to each other. Unfortunately, its not 100% effective. In what i read above, its time for a new approach. Definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again hoping for different results. At some point you have to evaluate the situation and see what changes you need to make