The coaches daughter

[quincy]

I was waiting, not routing for, HC's DD to fail. She hit school ball and the fall happened.

My DD was through the wars and did fine, HC's DD not to much.

 

[Chilixa]

many don't realize how stress inducing it is when you try and do it right

i had a team, two years 10u through 1st year 16u......had two DDs for one year, DD1 was with me for all of it.....very succesful, i think something crazy like 8 of those girls from 10u went on to play D2/D3, 4 of the girls from 16u still playing in college, both of my DDs playing in college, and I kept 6 or 7 families with me for the entire journey.....even had some for 18u and again for 18+ this year, that came back


the 2 years i did no coaching were eye opening......once i was able to (mostly) let go, tournaments were kind of fun.......might have even snuck a beverage into my yeti tumbler and caught some rays

when i was coaching i scouted......i was asleep at tournaments within an hour of dinner ending many nights, and I agonized over decisions not only because i felt the pressure to get it right, but because of perception issues.......i also never hesitated to sit my DD, to bounce them out of practice if they weren't meeting standards, to drop them in the batting order, to move their position, to not start them if it was warranted (luckily it generally wasn't)....they were also the first kid to lose innings when games started to get out of hand, they took more than their share of rotational sits when playing lesser opponents

i loved the time i got to spend with my DDs for the most part, I cherish the memories with that group.......but i swear i gained many grays, raised my BP, ground a lot of enamel off in that endeavor, too......it's really easy to complain about 'daddy ball decisions', but as a former dad/coach who is pretty positive he did at as close to as well as possible, it was also pretty darned stressful

That sums up my current situation pretty well. I enjoy coaching and have coached before my daughter was on the team and will coach after she is gone. But I am very well aware of the perception of daddy ball and do my best to avoid it. I probably take opportunities away from my daughter more than I should just to avoid the daddy ball label sometimes. Thankfully she is very good and would be playing if I wasn’t coaching also.

I do often waste too many hours worried about how different decisions will be perceived. Just having a kid on the team automatically raises a level of concern with parents, and I understand why. We have all seen favoritism in many forms. But it does bug me that the daddy ball argument still gets used many times when a parent is just unhappy with their kids playing time. Regardless of what lengths you go to be fair to all the girls.


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[Chilixa]

i never really thought about this until now. Our coaches daughter is probably one of the worst on the team, but also sits her fair share. She is however a very good teammate and is always very positive. ive never thought about it as a reflection of the coach until now. they seem to have a good coach/daughter relationship too. ive always thought he is a very good coach in terms of development and managing and we have done very well in tournaments. but now im wondering why is she still behind most?

It still comes down to how bad the kid wants to learn it. I have two daughters and one is highly committed and the other plays just for fun. I am ok with both. But their skill levels look very different now and I can promise you I have taught them the same things. If other players are developing it is probably a reflection on the daughter. If no one is developing it probably is the coach.


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[Towny9]

i never really thought about this until now. Our coaches daughter is probably one of the worst on the team, but also sits her fair share. She is however a very good teammate and is always very positive. ive never thought about it as a reflection of the coach until now. they seem to have a good coach/daughter relationship too. ive always thought he is a very good coach in terms of development and managing and we have done very well in tournaments. but now im wondering why is she still behind most?

I coached long before I had kids and will likely coach long after they are done playing. Sometimes as a parent coach you spend all your time focused on the whole team that you neglect your own kid. You don’t do what other parents do and seek out private instruction and coaches to help fill the gaps…you tend to do it all yourself. I try hard to get my DD around other coaches and not just dad. No matter how good that relationship is you will always be dad first and coach second.

 

[bsbs]

I would definitely keep it in mind when choosing a team. A dad tookover a our sister team in 2nd year 12U. I said to someone, he'll do a good job but his daughter really doesn't appear to have fun playing softball, what's going to happen when she quits. Anyway he coached a year, had tryouts, played 14u fall, and she and him quit during the winter.

If possible, I would never choose a team after probably 12u based on a tryout.

 

[uncdrew]

I'm doing extra due diligence on a team where the last name of a player in a position we're competing for matches the last name of a coach. Nepotism isn't guaranteed but is very, very real.

I was very honest with my DD that she is going to be held to a higher standard because she risked being picked on for being a coach's daughter. Kids can be pretty mean on their own as they start to figure out life. Parental gossip they may overhear can add fuel to that. Plus, I know most about her, so it was always going to be difficult for me to truly evaluate her properly, so she had to exceed my bias so we could focus on just playing and having fun.

I'm very happy to not be coaching this year. It can be very debilitating when you want to do right by everyone. Lots of second guessing yourself.

My #1 rule on joining a team:

1. Find out what position the coach's daughter plays. If that's your daughter's main position, find another team.

 

[uncdrew]

many don't realize how stress inducing it is when you try and do it right

Main reason I'm out. I honestly kept track of innings played at each position to keep any "parent conversations" factual. What a headache it can be.

 

[tim_s]

Main reason I'm out. I honestly kept track of innings played at each position to keep any "parent conversations" factual. What a headache it can be.

been there, done that.....luckily we had parents who were equally committed to the cause, and the few that weren't didn't last......but that made it just as bad, because the pressure of making the right call for people who were friends and family at that point, who i knew were sacrificing to spend the $$ we spent, put a lot of pressure on

 

[uncdrew]

That sums up my current situation pretty well. I enjoy coaching and have coached before my daughter was on the team and will coach after she is gone. But I am very well aware of the perception of daddy ball and do my best to avoid it. I probably take opportunities away from my daughter more than I should just to avoid the daddy ball label sometimes. Thankfully she is very good and would be playing if I wasn’t coaching also.

I do often waste too many hours worried about how different decisions will be perceived. Just having a kid on the team automatically raises a level of concern with parents, and I understand why. We have all seen favoritism in many forms. But it does bug me that the daddy ball argument still gets used many times when a parent is just unhappy with their kids playing time. Regardless of what lengths you go to be fair to all the girls.


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Between my two daughters, we've been on lots of teams with coaches who have daughters on the team, and coaches who don't have daughters on the team.

I know the sample size is small (10-12 teams), but I greatly prefer when the coach has a daughter on the team. Everything just goes better. As a parent, they have the same concerns we do (girls' education, social time, time away from school, expenses, lessons, etc.). The coach with the daughter on the team is going through the journey we are with us, and it just seems to go better. Also, the coaches with no daughter on the team play favorites just as much (or more) than the parent coaches. Parent coaches are aware of the "daddy ball" concept and perception. The others are not, even though they might do "daddy ball".

 

[tim_s]

Main reason I'm out. I honestly kept track of innings played at each position to keep any "parent conversations" factual. What a headache it can be.

although i still internet scout a ton when the DDs are playing for someone else

I used to love gamechanger for trying to figure out which pool games were our toughest, etc

i'd look kids up on twitter.......i've even googled their name and their state.....ie "sally jones massachusetts softball" just to see what i could find out about their high school performances, and try and extrapolate that over to travel

we're a depraved lot