Sibling rivalry?
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- Nov 8, 2010
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Not many out there with 2 dd's close in age I take it.
I have two somewhat close. There are days I need to just get in the car and drive.
I have a just turned 13 and a 15 and 1/2 yr. old.
Insight on them.
13 elite t/b girl plays basketball and v-ball as well. pryorty is S.B. but over the top competive.
15 average, t/b team Basketball and v-ball. LOVES all and is average. Always the harder worker because of her love of the games and the want to grow and get better, loves to learn.
God has blessed me with 3 amazing Strong, independant, focused and loving daughters.
(3rd dances and not in this, as a matter afact never is)
Where our issue comes into play, the the 13yr old trying to outdo her older sister, (for the most part sports she can or it's a level field).
I the 15 yr and family, get more lip and attude from 13 then the other 2 combined. It's like the young one is having a fire sale or going out of business sale, she thinks, everyone in this family is buying. (aparentlly some has told her she is good). Hence, the fireworks begin, a lot of the time it may just be over the 13's way of addressing me or other people and that is when the other two will step in. Or did you see that play? It's always the young one trying to inpress, outdo, or outword everyone. I have to tell you, I would have never seen this coming, you would think the older would have more of the issue because the other is not bad at all? I'm so happy that the 15 is so layed back (sometimes, then when you least expect it, BOOOOM). A lot of the time she will just brush her off though. NEVER A DULL MOMENT HERE!!
(note; they will play the same H.S. varsty team next year starting with fall ball 2011. This should get intresting,LMBO)
They did open a new bar down the street. $2 drafts all day. You know where you can find me in the fall. Have a great day. Love this board, it's always fun!!
Good luck to me. lol
I'm 18, my sister's 15. Last year, she occasionally played up on my 16U team which was annoying. To be honest, I don't believe that she would have ever played softball if she hadn't have been jealous of me. I was playing and getting all the attention, so she decided to play.
It's really, really annoying. I've gotten okay with it now, but softball used to be my time AWAY from her, something that I did with just my dad. Then she started infiltrating our private practice sessions. She is nowhere near as serious as I am, so that was just annoying. Last year, due to an operation, she couldn't play JV but she did work as a trainer. This year, she plans on trying out. As a senior (she's a freshman), it's possible that she could be on Varsity. NOT very likely, but the fact that she could be on my team annoys me.
It's bad enough that they frequently do stuff with Varsity and JV together (like lift weights) so she's infringing on my space, my time with my girls. We can't speak as freely in front of her either.
It's really, really annoying. I've gotten okay with it now, but softball used to be my time AWAY from her, something that I did with just my dad. Then she started infiltrating our private practice sessions. She is nowhere near as serious as I am, so that was just annoying. Last year, due to an operation, she couldn't play JV but she did work as a trainer. This year, she plans on trying out. As a senior (she's a freshman), it's possible that she could be on Varsity. NOT very likely, but the fact that she could be on my team annoys me.
It's bad enough that they frequently do stuff with Varsity and JV together (like lift weights) so she's infringing on my space, my time with my girls. We can't speak as freely in front of her either.
my TB team has two sets of sisters--one twins, and one a year apart. It actually makes for an interesting dynamic, as the twins are polar opposites, in every way, even athletically. They generally don't bring their sister issues to the field, though. The other two sisters are definitely older sis and younger, but the young one is the most outspoken. All of them informally measure their performances against their sisters, and they'll rarely let the better performance go unremarked. In the past, I've had sisters on school teams several times--the situation amanda describes above is the most common problem--older, established sister and newcomer stepping on toes. With one family, the older sister forbid her younger sister to play while she was in HS. After she graduated, younger sis came out and was all-league twice. Probably would have been all-state if she'd played all four years.
On a related tangent, does anybody notice how birth order within families affects teams? I realized last year that 9 of the 11 girls on our team are second children--one only and one oldest. As it turns out, it's a team with very little emotional drama, and I think that's a big part of it. From what I've seen, second children often come without some of the baggage you get with first kids (alphas) or youngest kids (indulged). This isn't just based on this one team--it's something I've noticed as a general pattern through the scores of kids I've coached over time.
Just sayin'
On a related tangent, does anybody notice how birth order within families affects teams? I realized last year that 9 of the 11 girls on our team are second children--one only and one oldest. As it turns out, it's a team with very little emotional drama, and I think that's a big part of it. From what I've seen, second children often come without some of the baggage you get with first kids (alphas) or youngest kids (indulged). This isn't just based on this one team--it's something I've noticed as a general pattern through the scores of kids I've coached over time.
Just sayin'
I'm 18, my sister's 15. Last year, she occasionally played up on my 16U team which was annoying. To be honest, I don't believe that she would have ever played softball if she hadn't have been jealous of me. I was playing and getting all the attention, so she decided to play.
It's really, really annoying. I've gotten okay with it now, but softball used to be my time AWAY from her, something that I did with just my dad. Then she started infiltrating our private practice sessions. She is nowhere near as serious as I am, so that was just annoying. Last year, due to an operation, she couldn't play JV but she did work as a trainer. This year, she plans on trying out. As a senior (she's a freshman), it's possible that she could be on Varsity. NOT very likely, but the fact that she could be on my team annoys me.
My DD's are years apart but I understand where your coming from. Oldest was always just me and her and now younger DD is infringing on the "just the two of us".
Any suggestions on how to deal with it?
For me, DD#1 is 5 years older than DD#3. DD#3 is a tremendous natural athlete. DD#1 loves/loved softball. DD#2 wasn't much of an athlete, although she does love sports.
First, you have to become really good at managing your time.
Second, with your oldest DD you start going into "support" mode rather than "instruction" mode. So, your oldest DD is going to be getting her primary instruction from her coaches rather than you. And, she needs to be looking at support more from her team than from you.
E.g., you do not need to go to every game your oldest DD plays. Sure, you want to be there for the "big" games, but you don't necessarily have to be there every time she steps on the field.
You need to practice with your oldest DD. But, if she is practicing with her team, you don't need to attend the practices. If she practices with her catcher, you don't need to be there. She should know what to practice and what to work on.
Your oldest DD has to learn that she can do this (play and practice) without you. Generally, it is more upsetting for you than for her.
How old are your DD's now? When I starting playing JV softball in 8th grade, I stopped needing my dad as much. I was practicing with my school 5 days a week, helping coach a team of little kids, and going to my rec ball practice. There were some days that I easily spent nine hours on a softball field after school. (It's worse now--How I manage to eat, sleep, and keep better than 4.0 I don't know). My sister got a lot more time alone with my dad to practice, since I didn't need him as much. Before I started playing in HS, there would be times where he would take Jenna (my sister) outside to practice then practice with me later. Jenna has a LOT more natural athletic talent than I do, but she doesn't work as hard as I do... it frustrates me greatly.
Right now, since I can drive myself places like to the batting cage he's not as involved. Heck, he hadn't seen me hit in MONTHS before yesterday. He's hit me fly balls a couple of times recently (without Jenna, because she's been "sick").
I do believe that when your DD gets older it's more about support than instruction because he doesn't have to tell me as much.
My girls are seven years apart. 14 and 7. My oldest is worried that her younger sister might turn out to be a better pitcher. Unfortunately pitching practice, indoors, is at two seperate facilities. I drop off older DD and go with younger DD. Now that HS ball is starting, I don't even practice with older DD. HS ball sets some strict rules on what the girls are allowed to do outside of school. I think for now I will just plan on doing more one on one dinners with older DD. Spend time together outside of softball.
- Jan 31, 2011
- 458
- 43
amanda, sorry you have to deal with this issue. It is great to hear your perspective on things. Really, as a parent & coach, its great to see what you have to say. My DD#1 is 4 years older than DD#2. IT has always been my goal to have them both play on the same HS team. I believe #2 kid could do it if she worked hard. However, I never considered how it would affect DD#1. Great insight thanks.
To be honest, at this stage in things I'm happy if I just get to see my father for a couple of hours a week. He works nights, so I see him in passing throughout the week but he's always asleep. Then, on the weekends he's busy with things with his hunt club, softball practice, etc. He's helping coach the 16u team in my hometown and my sister is playing for a 14u in a neighboring county (the schedules don't conflict, so it all works out).
Glad that I could give you some insight. Currently, we've got a set of sisters on my Varsity team. One is a junior and the other is a freshman. They are rather close, but they do bicker some. For instance, when we warm up and throw, they throw together and they'll nit pick at each other, the way sisters do. We've also had a set of sisters on the same team in the past and it wasn't good because they didn't get along. I think the oldest one thought the younger one was stealing her thunder. They were a pitcher-catcher combo, so that was always interesting to see them in action.
