Proper way to discuss a matter with the coach

[NVfishing]

Before the start of the games today my daughters coach informed her she will be a great out fielder as she advances on in softball. She is currently the starting pitcher for her team. He did this prior to the start of the day and it really blew her confidence on the mound.

I'm upset he told my daughter this. She has put a lot of time and effort into her pitching and this destroyed her confidence on the mound today.

My daughter is 14 and about 5-7. This has come about because we have a new girl that's about six feet tall and the coach believes in two years she will wind up being the starter due to size.

It may be the case due to genetics that my daughter won't have the ability to continue being the top pitcher for her teams but I thought this wasn't the right way for the coach to tell her.

I feel it sucked a lot of the life out of her today, crushed a dream.

 

[Goobie]

Perhaps you and your daughter took his comment the wrong way. I don't see how telling your daughter that he felt she would be great as an outfield has anything to do with her pitching. If that is all he said, then take the complement for what it is... a compliment!

My 14U daughter is also a pitcher and when she isn't pitching she plays either left or center field. She does a very good job at it and has grown to be a very good outfielder and enjoys it. (It is better than sitting on the bench when she isn't pitching a game!)

As a parent I would suggest you focus on the positives of the comment rather than trying to read into it some hidden negative about her pitching.

One last comment, pitchers need to be very mentally tough. They need to be able to step right back up and strike out the next batter after giving up a grand-slam. Remember, people from the stands, other players, other parents, coaches, etc. will all say inconsiderate things from time to time directed at your daughter. A pitcher needs to be able to handle it and not let it impact her play. If she (and you) let one comment "Crush her dream" than perhaps some coaching on mental toughness would be recommended.

 

[druer]

Before ever confronting anyone, about anything that a teenager tells you, my recommendation is always that you at least consider the idea that they misunderstood something and give the benefit of the doubt to the adult in the situation. That doesn't mean that you don't need to address things but when you go to an adult start the conversation with "My DD felt like you had said XXXXX and were insinuating XXXXX .... Can you help me understand the situation and what you really said and meant?" We all want to support our children to the death, but we also have to understand that they have a lot of emotions/chemicals running through their bodies and that sometimes they have pre-conceived ideas already going on in their head that 1 little comment from someone triggers those things.

There are a lot of things that are up for discussion, are theories, are matters of opinion, but the notion that a girls height will determine how good she pitches 2 years from now is just dillusional:

1. Why would you or your daughter care what someone who is dillusional has to say? Why would you or your daughter be willing to accept the idea that effort/practice/hard work are not what will make the difference?

2. Assuming this coach looked her right in the eye and said "You stink and you are too short" she should use that as fuel to make her work harder. If she is going to let 1 person determine her future and give up on her "dream" then it isn't her "dream" at all. Nobody can steal a dream from you without your consent.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Being a great OFer was a blessing for my DD, because she suffered an overuse injury and was told not to pitch, when she was 16. She also played 1st base. She received several local awards because of her defense.

Being a great OFer is a good way to get the attention of college coaches, especially if she has some foot speed.

 

[T Red]

If this coach is so good at seeing the future maybe he can get a job as a fortune teller. I agree he's delusional. Your DD is not finished growing/learning and the other girl may not be able to hit the broad side of a barn in two years.

Tim

 

[CoachKevin]

Not to sound negative but it could be the rose colored goggles. Even though she is the #1, what is the whole team like? The OP doesn't say if her stats shows that she walks 2 batters/inning with an era of 16.5.

 

[Cannonball]

My dd came in to HS with a decent reputation and high expectations in the circle. Then, she because an OF as well. WHAT A BLESSING!

 

[SnocatzDad]

If the coach told her "You pitch like a great outfielder" that might be sending a message. There are relatively few situations where the #1 pitcher is going to pitch 100% of the time and most of those are bad situations (even if it may not seem like it at the time). So how is complimenting how she plays a secondary position an insult to her pitching? BTW coach is correct in assessing that most young outfielders don't charge balls in the outfield and tend to be happy to watch them hit the ground and then field them. It is a different skill set than infield and takes a different kid. Most infielders have under 1 second to react to a ball so are basically just reacting and succeeding of failing fairly quickly. An outfielder can have several seconds to think/worry/panic on a flyball and has to not only react properly, but stay confident and aggressive over what can seem like an eternity.

 

[Glipski]

By a show of hands, who here thinks it's a compliment for a pitcher (even a less-than-capable one) to be told they'll make a great outfielder someday?
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No one?

Even if taken out of context it shouldn't have been discussed during a game, should it?

 

[BrianMonk]

If you're a pitcher, you better be mentally tough, if you want to be really good. I can't imagine a coach telling a player she's going to be a great outfielder is the worst that's going to happen to her. If that throws her off her game.......I'd have my reservations.

She should have shot back, "Yep, everybody should be great at their secondary position."

By a show of hands, who here thinks it's a compliment for a pitcher (even a less-than-capable one) to be told they'll make a great outfielder someday?
....
....
....
No one?

Even if taken out of context it shouldn't have been discussed during a game, should it?