Parents.... Subtitle: The bad apples

[_MIA_]

I hope if you’re not doing team dinners your daughters are at least attending. I can see why personally you may not want to wind up at a restaurant for hours on end waiting for 20+ people to have their order taken, be served, eat and then get their checks. But let your daughter go with a teammate and enjoy some downtime off the field with their teammates.


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If we don't stay at the same hotel we make sure DD goes to any team activities they have.

 

[Cannonball]

Control what you can control. Sit back and enjoy your dd's time playing. Those others will be gone by next summer. They are disgruntled and will find new teams to destroy.

 

[HunterMO]

We saw a parent have a few too many adult beverages in the hotel lobby and start screaming at the female coach about playing time. It got rather ugly.

No, I'd rather avoid the crowds.

One thing we no longer do is travel as a family. One parent with the player. It's too expensive to have everyone go as a clan.

DW and I have actually had this discussion after the Summer season. We are a family of 5. It gets really expensive when you're staying somewhere every weekend. DD loves it. We love it. But, we can also be smart about limiting spending. Especially with the ability to stream from just about anywhere at this point.

 

[LEsoftballdad]

DW and I have actually had this discussion after the Summer season. We are a family of 5. It gets really expensive when you're staying somewhere every weekend. DD loves it. We love it. But, we can also be smart about limiting spending. Especially with the ability to stream from just about anywhere at this point.

Up until this fall, I had two playing TB. The oldest is now in college, but we still stick with one parent with the player. Also, my oldest daughter goes to school close by, so she comes home pretty frequently. We like to see her too!

 

[tomorrow]

Control what you can control. Sit back and enjoy your dd's time playing. Those others will be gone by next summer. They are disgruntled and will find new teams to destroy.

This is a great reply. From my experience, the only thing constant in travel ball is "change". The travel ball system and the game itself does not support long-term relationships.

 

[Orange Socks]

DD joined an already existing 14U team that hired a paid coach. She was one of 3 new players in the fall. Those players that came over with the coach have familiarity with the coach and most likely the coach was never hard, demanded nor expected certain behavior that should be expected from a competitive team. These players feel as though coach won't do or say anything. Meanwhile, the rest of the team is left to clean up the dugout, haul gear, etc. Those players probably don't get extra work in outside of practice either.(just a guess).

On DD's team, those players started leaving the team because the paid coach had higher expectations and those players and families didn't like that. We gradually picked up better players that left and became quite competitive by the end of the summer. Of those original players, they all flushed out. I can think of 4 players from that team that are still playing college ball.

As other people have said, this is the coach's team not yours. It's not your place to say anything to the coach either. If you wanna become an assistant coach, then that's a different story. As for what is being said in the stands. If you hear something that is untrue, address it right then and there. Do not let it fester. Where did you get that information? Why do you believe this? I heard otherwise and this is why. Am I wrong?

 

[DNeeld]

Control what you can control. Sit back and enjoy your dd's time playing. Those others will be gone by next summer. They are disgruntled and will find new teams to destroy.

This 100%. The issues you brought up seem to me issues for the head coach to deal with. Outside of that, conduct your business according to your principles and let the other parents do the same.

A lot of travel softball teams can accurately be described as a roster full of free agents all looking for the next and better contract.

 

[uncdrew]

Don't allow anyone to leave early unless they have a legitimate reason to do so. That undermines the coach. That would be a big no-no for me.

As for mixing with other parents, that's no big deal. As my girls have gotten older, I realize I don't need that aspect to softball anymore. I am cordial to everyone, but I no longer go out of my way to strike up a conversation with everyone I see. If they start talking to me, I'll engage with them, unless my daughter is pitching. We try to stay at different hotels from the team and avoid the team dinners for a variety of reasons, the biggest being cost. I can usually stay at an IHG or Marriot hotel much cheaper than the stay-to-play because of my points. As for dinners, we just want to decompress after a long day of softball with a shower and a quick bite to eat.

I think those things are okay, but sabotaging the coach this early on is bad. If the coach won't address it sooner rather than later, the problem will just get worse.

How do you get out of stay-to-play hotels?

 

[uncdrew]

Hotel / Team Activities - personal driven choice. If coach makes them mandatory, then you decide if that is a fit for you and your family. Ultimately, attend or not attend based on what you prefer. DD's team has a mix of great families. We are really lucky. Some hang out, some don't. No one worries about it. There is usually one "team dinner" for over-night tournaments. And 10/10 times it's pizza at the hotel. Everyone chips in and it makes it cheaper than going somewhere. Parents that want a few adult pops have them. Those that want to hang out after dinner do and those that don't go to their room. No big deal. ALL players are asked to be in their rooms by a decent hour (appropriate to next days start time). Everyone behaves. But (and this will transition to my point below), the coach has established this culture for the team over the past 3-4 years. The expectation is that, both kids and adults, conduct themselves respectfully and abide by team rules (spoken or unspoken). The HC is awesome, but old school. He runs the team like a business and doesn't have patience for anyone who undermines that.

Lying/Rumors - No place on the team for it. And needs to be addressed by the HC. Again, this is a culture thing. The coach either sets the tone or it will continue to become a larger issue. If the HC has a daughter on the team, he/she likely already knows about it. If not, it needs to be brought up constructively and in a "team first" theme to start.

Our team sounds like yours. We on the same team?

Some tourneys I want to go to bed at 9pm, some I want to watch a movie by myself, some I want to drink beers with parents until 2am. No one cares which I choose and I don't care what others choose.

I encourage (well, more like allow) my DD to hang with the girls when they're not playing, and that's fun for her/them. Drama is at a minimum.

All is well.

My other DD's team, however... and the middle and high school team, however... wow. Drama central.

 

[LEsoftballdad]

How do you get out of stay-to-play hotels?

Stay-to-play usually just requires 75% of the team to stay in a certain hotel before the TD tries to penalize you. I just don't book through the site. I tell them I got free nights through my points if anyone asks. We had a former player whose family owned an RV and took that to every away tournament. No one ever said anything to them for having the tenement on wheels. Kudos if you got that reference...