When DD is in the circle, on rare occasions I may offer a one word comment during a game. It won't happen more than once every one or two games, and will be a word like "finish" or "lower" or some similar shorthand we have developed over years of pitching practice together. I coach the pitchers for her travel team so it's not much of a deal there. On her school team the coaches are good and knowledgeable, but they don't have the benefit of the hours I have spent with her. She doesn't need even this small help much anymore, and I enjoy seeing her make adjustments on her own more and more.
Parent Coaching from the Stands/Sidelines
- Thread starter CMMom1740
- Start date
Welcome to Discuss Fastpitch
Your FREE Account is waiting to the Best Softball Community on the Web.
As a coach these 'quiet reminders' are one of the things I REALLY hate. Because it is still coaching from the stands and because it is harder for the coaches to pick up on it and then deal with. Which is probably why you think your coaches don't mind it - they either don't know it is going on or are finding it hard to figure out a way to make you stop because it isn't the obvious loud obnoxious coaching from the stand.
Just because you are not yelling doesn't make it any different. Your little player is still being asked to look to you for coaching instead of the coaches.
If you have 'reminders' you want to give, then give them to your coach. Tell the coach, these are the things she has been working on and let him do the reminding as he sees fit. This is how I handle it btw - I take the parent aside and tell them to stop - and that I am more than happy to hear what the player has been working on and what 'cues' may be good to give to them that may help them as they play. But I give the cues as I see fit as the coach - not delivered by a parent in the stand.
If you are 'thoroughly invested' where you feel the need to coach during the game, then sign your volunteer form and come inside the fences.
for pitchers,
a big red flag for me,
that indicates a problematic lack of mental toughness,
is the kid that looks to their parent in the stands,
after every play - good or bad.
This constant seeking of direction and reassurances
tells me the kid is never 100% connected to the game,
and is really only focussed upon pleasing the parent.
a big red flag for me,
that indicates a problematic lack of mental toughness,
is the kid that looks to their parent in the stands,
after every play - good or bad.
This constant seeking of direction and reassurances
tells me the kid is never 100% connected to the game,
and is really only focussed upon pleasing the parent.
After the parent of a pitcher stays mute and motionless in the stands for a game, are you prepared to be taken to task for any failure on your part to correct a pitchers obvious mechanical issues as they struggle in the circle? I used to hear this all the time about DD#4 - You need to turn her over to someone else. You need to have someone else coach her so she can grow. She will not get that type of help in college , she will be on her own. Did that briefly with one idiot who insisted she quit throwing a rise and throw a drop ball because she will never throw a rise in college. Granted there is a fine line that must be walked, but if a coach insists on total control they better have the knowledge to get the job done. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case when it comes to pitching.
While I understand that there are psycho softball parents out there, I have never understood why some coaches want to rule their team like Kim Jong-il....
Honestly, I really just want to coach the team.
I don't appreciate the gentle reminders and not-so-gentle reminders from outside the fences that go against what we are teaching or how we teach it, or undermine what we just told them - or just mentally kill the girl before she goes to the plate or pitches or catches or whatever. When the bunt sign is on it is not a suggestion, or something that mom or dad can override. When I ask for a change-up I can't have that over ridden by a parent calling pitches from the stands.
I am approachable as a coach outside games and practice - come and talk to me and we can work it out. Of course I also spend a lot of time on this board and researching the game so I also believe I am at least competent and knowledgeable about the skills and techniques of the game.
If you don't want me to coach your DD, then I am OK with you taking her somewhere else where you are more comfortable with the way they are coaching.
That goes to riseball's point as well - don't turn your DD over to an idiot you feel doesn't know as much as you or is going to handle it a way that makes sense (i.e. if you are going to 'turn your DD over', make sure it is to a good coach). At the same time, 3 of our 4 pitchers go to different pitching coaches who all teach different things (or the same thing in different ways) - there is only so much that I can realistically fix in the middle of a game especially if it is truly a mechanical issue within their style of a PC I am not overly familiar with. I can go out and ask 'Hey, what would your PC say to fix X' or 'I see you doing X which from knowing you is normally because Y, what is going on?', and if they can fix it, great. If not, well I have 3-4 pitchers so we can deal with it between games or they can work on it with their PC during the week.
Last edited:
I completely agree with that, both in terms of parents not coaching from the stands as well as parents not complaining about the coaches. It's a lot easier now that she is on a select team rather than a rec team, because the quality of coaching is much higher (and I'm not one of the coaches). I try to just cheer for my DD as I would for any other kid. We usually have 1 thing that we're working on with her swing, and I might remind her about that, but honestly I'm not sure if that's even a good idea. I really just want her to build muscle memory during practice and then not think too much during the game . . . and most importantly have fun. I have been doing the score keeping for our team, and that does a pretty good job of keeping me busy enough where I can't overthink every thing she does on the field.
Last edited:
"I worry that the Dad is inadvertently placing a TON of pressure on his DD. He needs to chill the hell out and just cheer for her."
Absolutely agree. That is way too much pressure for a young kid. Sports used to be about having fun. If a kid is leaving a game sobbing/crying, not much fun involved. I used to be that dad that was always giving instructions. DD let me know about second year of 12u to knock if off, and since I have just became dad and not coach dad, I enjoy the games so much more.
Absolutely agree. That is way too much pressure for a young kid. Sports used to be about having fun. If a kid is leaving a game sobbing/crying, not much fun involved. I used to be that dad that was always giving instructions. DD let me know about second year of 12u to knock if off, and since I have just became dad and not coach dad, I enjoy the games so much more.
- Jun 12, 2015
- 3,848
- 83
Score keeping helps me too. I started doing it because my DD was going to be pitching. I wanted a) to have all her stats, and b) to have something to focus on besides her standing there in the middle of the field with so much of the game depending on her. Works like a charm and I wouldn't have time to coach her even if I were so inclined.
Ugh... this is exactly my situation this season with younger DD's 10u team. Unfortunately, the offending parent is DW, with an added bonus of older DD joining in as well. When we're on our own, she shines in the circle. When DW and older DD are there, she melts down as DW and older DD shout out "helpful" criticisms. When I bring it up, their response is that she has to toughen up. Since I usually get to the park first, I usually set up their chairs for them. I think I'm setting them up in deep right field for the next game, maybe they'll get the hint. When I do, does anyone have a couch for me to crash on, as I'll probably be looking for a new place to live!
