Parent Coaching from the Stands/Sidelines

[CMMom1740]

OK, so this is a basketball story, but I think it applies to all sports. DD is playing on a 6th grade AAU basketball team (we only play when there are no softball conflicts). There are a couple of 5th grade girls playing up.

We had our first tournament with this team yesterday. It went OK (2-2), 4th place in tourney. I took particular notice of one of the 5th grade girls because she was super aggressive (in a good way as far as basketball goes) and scrappy. Played with a lot of heart. But I noticed that her Dad (who, based on his height, I'm guessing must be a former player himself) paced the sidelines, never sitting down.

The girl was constantly looking at her Dad as he was coaching her from the sidelines. When she needed to make a free throw, she looked at Dad for coaching/reassurance vs. looking at the coach (on the opposite side of the gym). He was not a screamer, but he was constantly coaching.

We played four games, and prior to the fourth game, DH and I were hanging out outside the gym and saw this girl and her Dad leaving. She was sobbing; I mean full out sobbing. He had his arm around her and was speaking to her softly. I heard later that they were leaving early b/c she has some sort of soccer event today and he didn't want her overtired. So, I don't know if she was sobbing because she had to leave early or (as I suspect) because she didn't think she played well.

What I took away from this: I'm really starting to understand the detrimental effect that parent coaching from the stands or sidelines can have. It undermines the coach's authority and the child's respect for the coach's expertise. I understand working with your DD on your own at home, but during the game, step back and let the coach be the boss. I worry that this situation could come to a head at some point for this young girl, and I worry that the Dad is inadvertently placing a TON of pressure on his DD. He needs to chill the hell out and just cheer for her.

My random musings on a Sunday morning...

 

[quincy]

I told this many times,

I was a coach on the Team and DD looked to me after every pitch. I always had something to say.

Once I noticed this I shut my mouth during games and she took of as a hitter.

Parents coaching from the stands is bad but over coaching by the coaches during games is almost as bad.

Let them play! Work with them in practice.

 

[Westwind]

CMmom: Your last paragraph could not be more right IMHO.

Couple things I have learned-

Players must believe in their coaches to perform their best.

When a players parents start sniping the coaches in the car on the way home or at home, the players performance declines on the field. Some experienced coaches recognize when this is happening.

Good coaches are hard to find. If you find a team that has coaches with a proven record of success and you agree with that coach 80% of the time, you have found a good match. That is a really valuable thing to find. Don't ruin it for your daughter over that 20%, it isn't worth it.

If you are a problem parent, it won't be long until EVERYONE knows it. It doesn't matter how talented and pleasant your dd is, problem parents limit opportunities for their dd's.

 

[Westwind]

I told this many times,

I was a coach on the Team and DD looked to me after every pitch. I always had something to say.

Once I noticed this I shut my mouth during games and she took of as a hitter.

Parents coaching from the stands is bad but over coaching by the coaches during games is almost as bad.

Let them play! Work with them in practice.

I could not agree more with this concept.

One of my dd's played for a very wise older coach, this was his mantra. Playing on the weekend was the reward for hard practice during the week. Address deficiencies in practice, not games. Parents were encouraged to clap politely and give no more input than "Yay, good job". He was so right about that and many other things.

Quincy, before my younger dd played for him, I was good for giving a wry tidbit of batting advice to my older dd from outside the fence. The moment I quit doing that her performance began to improve.

 

[grcsftbll]

I've seen several examples of the players constantly checking in with a parent. And the parents over coaching. Of course, on my older DD's baseball team the parent IS the coach. That poor kid. His dad always plays him at first and bats him 3rd, but he can't catch and usually strikes out. He is constantly looking to his dad, after every single play, swing, throw, etc. My dd's bff is in a similar situation. They both play SO much better when their dads aren't around. Even on our last team where we thought the coach was awful, we kept it to ourselves. There's just nothing good that can come out of coaching from the sidelines, IMO. We like 90+% of what our coach does and says. I can take that 10% nooooo problem. It was the opposite before (agreeing with about 10%, haha); if I could keep quiet then I have no trouble doing it now.

 

[JAD]

If a parent is working with their DD during the week outside of team practices there should not be a need to coach them during the game. That said, to assume every coach is an "expert" is probably not a wise decision. There are plenty of morons and "know it alls" in coaching....

If a player is taking batting or pitching lessons from a private instructor and the parent attends the lessons and has learned the verbal keys the instructor uses is it really a problem for the parent to remind their DD of the keys during the game? I am interested in results and if whatever a parent is doing is working well are you really going to ask them to stop? If a player hit a home run every time her dad said "keep your eye on the ball all the way to the bat" are you going to ask him to stop? If the opposite is true and the player is batting .100 I would be more inclined to ask the parent if we can try something else.

I guess it is a good thing I became an AC so all the other parents and the HC would not get offended if I "coached" my DD during a game....

 

[Stick07]

I fully understand not doing the constant coaching from th stands. I don't see anything wrong with a little last minute reminder on stuff you may have been working on. As in being on deck and reminding to get the hips thru and palms up/down etc... These little things help "sometimes" the trying to turn them into a robot is bad.

 

[Clint]

After coaching my DD for the past 5 years it has been difficult for me to not coach. I have found it a lot easier to move down one of the baselines so DD can't see me and I'm not As tempted to coach. My DW warned me that if I coached from the sideline I would be banished to outside the outfield fence.

 

[dbronstein]

I could not agree more with this concept.

One of my dd's played for a very wise older coach, this was his mantra. Playing on the weekend was the reward for hard practice during the week. Address deficiencies in practice, not games. Parents were encouraged to clap politely and give no more input than "Yay, good job". He was so right about that and many other things.

I completely agree. I'm having a hard time getting through to other parents about this, it's very frustrating.

 

[Stick07]

I'm not saying coach on every play but sometimes with the younger ones a reminder right before works wonders. Can't tell you how many times that little reminder made a huge difference. I'm not on the sidelines screaming out what she should do on each play. I am reminding about what we worked on each week that was problems from the previous week. It's quiet and encouraging coaches don't mind as long as we're not screaming during the game. Let's face it most of us spend more time at home training than practice we are throughly invested.