Not sure what to do! Swearing coach...

[canyonjoe]

Interesting that people are more offended by the swearing than the calling out of the player. The OP is even titled, "Not sure what to do! Swearing coach...".

Cursing isn't such a big deal, although you should never swear at a child.

I was thinking the same thing, but thought maybe I was nuts (those who know me might agree). I just can't imagine playing for a coach who blamed DD for losing a game for any reason. I try to instill kids to try 100 percent of the time and get on when they don't, but in the end I always want them to know that I and the other coaches have their backs. The single biggest problem with our team is that too many kids are afraid to make mistakes. The more loose we get them to play the better we have become.

 

[pitchermom2717]

Thank you - Well Said...

Regarding the language: As a former sailor, I have a more than a passing familiarity with the F word, but in 8 years of coaching, it has not once crossed my lips in front of the kids I coach. That's inexcusable, even at 14U. To direct it at a specific player -who's still a child- is simply inconceivable to me.

Regarding calling out one play or one player as the reason for a loss: Also inexcusable, even when angry & disappointed (heck, even if it were true). Not sure whether that's worse than the cursing, but they're both pretty awful.

Worst of all, though, is a head coach who storms off in a huff after a tough loss and doesn't even talk to his team. Someone with that lack of emotional maturity is not someone I would put in a mentoring role for my children.

Now that a couple of days have passed and heads are hopefully cooler, I would go back to HC, and remind him of the words you say he preaches about respect and ask him what he intends to do about the AC's behavior. Depending on the answer, make your stay/go decision (and if other options are available, I would not be returning to this team next season). To be honest, I am shocked you haven't already received an email from the AC to the entire team apologizing. That to me speaks volumes already. As for the catcher issues... I am at a loss there -- normally I would say to approach an AC and ask them for some perspective.

Here's a final thought to put this in perspective: What do you think would happen if, in a team meeting, a player had said "If the F-ing base coach hadn't screwed up and sent that runner, we would have won!" I imagine that player would be benched for a good long while if not dismissed from the team. Now, why would an adult in a leadership position be held to a LESSER standard?

Thank you for this perspective, you have nailed it on the head! You have hit the nail on the head! So true about the team meeting, I know there would be consequences... My daughter is strong and will learn that she is better than this scenario.... BTW, they have a practice coming up on Thursday night so I will be eager to see what happens and how the coaches act and if there is any discussion of Sunday's game.

Thank you again!

 

[CoachKevin]

I agree with NoVal, that is a great post... The HC not addressing the team is uncalled for, now in the past I have set the team down after a horrible loss and said.... Practice Tuesday, then got up and left. That made more of an impact on them than ranting about this and that.

Calling any player out for a loss... Nope I'm not having it and would have a meeting with the AC and discuss why he felt that way (there may be more in his mind than you realize)

As far as the cussing... I have only cussed in front of the girls 1 time and that was last year at first year 18's......
ME: Do you guys know what we mean when we say to have fun?
TEAM: Looking at me
ME: It means to open that can of Whoop A$$, because winning is fun... so go out there and have some fun!!!

 

[crd1998]

Swearing in front of the players- Strike 1
Blaming a loss on one player in front of the team- Strike 2
HC storming off after the game - Strike 3

We all know what happens in softball after strike 3, you are out. There is no acceptable excuse for this type of behavior. Personally I would take it to the organization and ask what their policy regarding something like this is. This behavior is detrimental to the team and impacts negatively on the organization. This will have an impact on new players attending next season's tryouts, anyone considering tryouts has now cancelled that idea. At a minimum these coaches should make an apology to the team, the parents and the organization if they wish to continue coaching this team IMO.



I dealt something similar to this in HS softball this season. I watched the coach rant and rave for a little time, was fun to watch my daughter stand her ground when the coach attempted to bully her. When the coach started acting like the girl in the "Exorcists", I new it was time to step in. After the coach realized there would not be any bullying me or my daughter the coach left, I had a decent conversation with one of the AC coach's after that.Even the AC coach tried to down play the actions of the HC at first but I called them on it and that was the end of that.

 

[quandofloo]

I am far more concerned about two grown men showing a team full of 13-15 year old girls that behaving like infantile brats is not only acceptable but expected from people in positions of authority. If there was no apology issued or explanation offered at practice tonight either to the group or individually then the last thing that happened at practice would be me letting them know that they have a roster spot to fill. I would make sure that my DD was present for the conversation but that it was between me and the coaches. That way she saw me handle it maturely no matter what the coaches did. These girls are still firmly in their development stages of emotional maturity and we all tend to view them as softball players only sometimes. I know that I am constantly shocked when I see my kids out in the real world and they are 9-11 years old.

As far as the catcher goes, she has different issues that could range from easily worked through to un-fixable and the only way to know what you are dealing with will be your DD reaching out and trying to be a friend to her. I played high level basketball with plenty of guys that were told from the time they were 8 that they were untouchable and better than everyone else so they believed it and behaved accordingly. If they thought someone was inferior then they would go out of their way to bully them. Unfortunately, there is no reaching those kinds of kids until the real world catches up and they get taught that there is always someone stronger and faster. However, she could just be a kid that has an overbearing parent that pushes her so hard that she is lashing out because she doesn't know any other way and needs someone to reach out and try to connect. She also could have been having a normal 14 year old girl hormonal bad week and took it out on the first target she found which happened to be your DD. We just don't know and I am loathe to attack the kids in most situations. The responsibility almost always goes back to an authority figure in their life somewhere not doing their job.

 

[JAD]

It is a good thing none of your DD's played PeeWee football back in the day....can you imagine all of the lawsuits there would be when the coaches would grab our face mask and cuss like a sailor as they drug us to where we were supposed to line up? LOL

 

[CoachKevin]

It is a good thing none of your DD's played PeeWee football back in the day....can you imagine all of the lawsuits there would be when the coaches would grab our face mask and cuss like a sailor as they drug us to where we were supposed to line up? LOL

Yeah but we could also stay outside until it got dark... times have changed!!!

 

[smddad]

Interesting that people are more offended by the swearing than the calling out of the player. The OP is even titled, "Not sure what to do! Swearing coach...".

Cursing isn't such a big deal, although you should never swear at a child.

My response to hand in the uniform was based solely upon what you mention. My kids attend public school and are not immune to cussing.

 

[Lozza]

Interesting that people are more offended by the swearing than the calling out of the player. The OP is even titled, "Not sure what to do! Swearing coach...".

Cursing isn't such a big deal, although you should never swear at a child.

In Australia swearing is a lot more tolerated. And I had a similar experience when I was away coaching a team. Head coach wasn't there so got an American player in to teach base running. She was very aggressive with the girls. The MOMENET she swore at them (in a similar manner) I was up as were half the parents. And these girls wear under 18s. I'm in shock that a coach said that to a 12/13 year old and not one other adult jumped up. That is not acceptable.

 

[slingnit]

Swearing in general from coaches at 14 and up is not a huge deal to me, depends on the context. But if it is to a kid or parent then I would find another team because it's not for everyone. Calling out a kid or multiple kids for mistakes made, not a big problem either. Putting a loss on a kid while swearing at them, dad is getting involved. If anyone is gonna get on her butt like that it's me. She doesn't need two a-holes bashing her. Coaches jobs are to coach, teach, explain,.... it's dad's job to gripe about what she did wrong for two hours on the drive home. You can never put a win or a loss on any kid in front of the team or ever for that matter. My kid was not sheltered by any means growing up and I have a mouth like Kenny Powers. When I coached I knew when to to cut it out. But I would have never said what he said to any kid, any age, any gender. I would never place the entire blame of a game on one kid. That would be my biggest issue and why my dd would probably be asked not to play for them any longer. Because there would have been a confrontation that night, forget the 24 hr cool down.