Need Advice: Mommy Ball Player's Attitude

[Jquick823]

I will try to keep this short but detailed.

12U, Championship game

Our pitcher who's mom is heavily involved was pulled during the championship game after the other team began hitting her fairly hard. She was moved to her secondary position and made little to no effort to hide her displeasure or any attempt to field a throw that caused three runs to score. During this play she made little to no effort to chase the ball that got past her. The manager pulled her after the play which i agree with. The issue i have is how do i as a father and very very very new assistant coach/helper address this issue with the Manager who is life long friends with the mom? I'm a very blunt person who hates politics but i feel i can't stand by while one player packs it in because she doesn't want to play anywhere but in the circle and other girls who play their heart out but aren't as gifted sit and watch this. My DD gets playing time and is not a pitcher so their isn't a bias for me to get her circle time nor does she compete with this player for any playing time anywhere else. I hope i put enough info in here and was clear enough, if not please ask questions and i'll elaborate as best i can.

This also isn't a game issue only, practices are pretty half efforted also but because of mom and relationships i tend to be the only one who truly speaks up.

 

[CoogansBluff]

What are you suggesting that the manager do? You've described the problem, but what would you do differently? How should this player be handled? Should she be confronted? Benched?

 

[Lenski]

Well, it sounds like the manager took care of business in the game if I am reading it correctly. She was getting hit when pitching so she was pulled and re-positioned, and as soon as the manager saw the lack of effort in the field the manager took her out of the game. You claim the girls on the bench are not as gifted, and I am a believer in playing your best nine when not in pool play so I understand why the manager kept her in the field.

As far as the half effort in the practices, I would say something to the manager explaining you understand the friendship with the family but the young lady is bringing the entire practice down when she does not give full effort and she needs an attitude adjustment or else it will jeopardize the chemistry of the team. I've seen more than one team fall apart because of the attitude of one player and the coaches reluctance to fix the problem.

 

[sportinus]

Not sure I understand the hesitancy. The coach pulled her as he should. So what do you feel needs to be addressed? IF you feel that her attitude needs to be tweaked. next practice address the team saying giving less 100% at practice or in games will get you plenty of bench time. We are all in this together and we need to be able to count on and trust each other. If you do not feel comfortable addressing this matter to the team yourself, then go to the head coach and say I think we need to nip this lack of effort in the bud right now. I think we should bench players who are not giving 100%. Keep it at the team level for now, then be sure to tell him/her who you thought gave good effort during practice/game. I send out and expect all assistants to send me email after every practice/game of impressions of the team and critiques of each individual. I then try to tailor practices to what we are slacking in and suggest to parents drills for their daughter to do while not at practice.

 

[JAD]

The next time you have to pull her from pitching you escort her to the bench instead of her secondary position......problem solved! And when she asks why she is being benched, you remind her of her attitude/effort in this game. If my DD did this during a game the manager/coach would be the least of her problems because I would rip my DD a new one!

 

[CoogansBluff]

Also, how is the mother heavily involved? What does she do?

This is a good topic, but the story has holes in it.

 

[Jquick823]

To address the multiple questions of "What would i like the manager to do". The manager did what he could at the time but her attitude has been an on going issue that i have addressed with lack of success. So it's not what should he have done at that point because he did it, but is there a right way to address it so that the team isn't in that position later?

Yes i agree you play the 9 best in championship play that is our style also, but this player's attitude suggests she's one of the nine best when in the circle only. I deal with personalitys in my job in the military a lot, but a 12U player is a bit different.

The mother is an original founder of the organization, book keeper, equipment manager, board member and financial adviser. She is the checkbook for five teams. Doesn't mean she's not replaceable but this community knows everyone and the effort of the mother to curb it and the daughter to play shows politics or favoritism.

JAD: I agree, from the circle to the bench but lets be honest not everyone is like that.

My wife, bless her heart tells me to ensure i use tact when addressing this but advises against it because our DD is on the team and she fears that it will affect her standing and playing time. I on the other hand feel that saying nothing only promotes the current lack of effort and will eventually result in total team failure.

Example, we have 4 girls playing on 14U that should be on 12U but because of the way this player treated them last year decided to move up.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I saw one of my private pitching students, hanging her head in LF and making very little effort. She is 11. I spoke with her directly and then, told the parents what I had said. They agreed that it is a team game and no matter where you play, you need to give 100%.

 

[Jquick823]

Amy,
I don't think this particular parent would agree. The player is a great kid and has had a rough year at home but the real issue is the fact that bad habits were allowed to form over the years without much correction. Manager has been her coach for several years and is friendly with the parent. Pitching coach has been her private pitching coach for several years and is friendly with the parent. I'm the outsider in respects to i don't live in the city my DD plays nor did i grow up around the area to be "in the group". I'm a bit stumped on what is acceptable and what isn't as i'm a team player and am not trying to step on the Managers toes in respects to how he runs his team.

 

[Greenmonsters]

As AC, your job is to advise HC as you see appropriate. He considers your input (or not) and then makes the decisions and your job is to support them publicly. Unlike the military, if you disagree with the majority of his decisions you can find a new team and HC next season!

Sounds like the HC did the right thing by pulling her when he did, but it doesn't seem like that's made any real short- or long-term difference. I don't like this girl's future SB prospects unless the HC can impress upon the mom and her DD that this player's attitude, unless it improves, will limit her future opportunities and playing time at the next/HS/college level(s) where the coaches won't be as tolerant. Offer this advice to the HC, but IMO, this clearly is, by definition, as well as in consideration of the personal relationship between the HC and the mom, a job for the HC, not the AC.

Thanks for your service and good luck.