Is my DD done??

[Bigflipdaddy]

I've been dealing my my youngest DD & her crappy attitude as of late. She's one of the "better" girls on our rec & her TB team. The past couple of weeks she's been in a funk where there's no motivation when she's on the field. She plays 10u rec & jumps back & forth between 10 & 12 TB team. As her coach it drives me nuts cause she one of the better girls on her teams & I used to have to drag her off the field at the end of practice. The last tournament we played last weekend, she went 0 for 9 for the tournament, it seemed like she wasn't even trying. I don't know if it's cause her sister is on both of her teams & she having a little more success? Last year her sister took a break & then came back this year with a vengeance & is starting the year strong..... Maybe she's burned out, maybe it's cause she's not in the spotlight anymore in the family... I don't know..I get headaches thinking about it.

Sorry for the rant..have any of you out here come across this with any of your DDs? Any input would be appreciated.

 

[Greenmonsters]

Sounds like a possible case of either sibling performance shadow syndrome or that she doesn't like the idea of "sharing" SB and dad with her sister. Good luck getting to the root of the problem

 

[chrispots]

I've been dealing my my youngest DD & her crappy attitude as of late. She's one of the "better" girls on our rec & her TB team. The past couple of weeks she's been in a funk where there's no motivation when she's on the field. She plays 10u rec & jumps back & forth between 10 & 12 TB team. As her coach it drives me nuts cause she one of the better girls on her teams & I used to have to drag her off the field at the end of practice. The last tournament we played last weekend, she went 0 for 9 for the tournament, it seemed like she wasn't even trying. I don't know if it's cause her sister is on both of her teams & she having a little more success? Last year her sister took a break & then came back this year with a vengeance & is starting the year strong..... Maybe she's burned out, maybe it's cause she's not in the spotlight anymore in the family... I don't know..I get headaches thinking about it.

Sorry for the rant..have any of you out here come across this with any of your DDs? Any input would be appreciated.

Just some thoughts...

I've got 3 DD's...all play...I'm HC with DD2 and run most of DD1's practices...DD3 is still rec...

IMO, if you PUSH now...she's done...

At home...take the focus off softball...instead of having "extra" practice...go play putt putt, go to a movie, get ice cream...walk around wally world for while and buy some junk you don't need..whatever...NO softball at home for a few weeks

At practice...do something different...have team building day by making tie-dye shirts, play kickball instead of having practice...heck, if it's warm there, have the team make a ton of water balloons and have the girls stand 40 feet away from a line up of coaches and parents and let them soak the crap out of you...

At the end of the day, this is still NOTHING MORE THAN A GAME (don't go into the hitting forum, that's like arguing religion AND politics simultaneously LOL).

I would also recommend have her read this: http://www.discussfastpitch.com/college-softball-news-discussions/22676-caitlin-lowe-retires-npf.html#post305158

If that doesn't bring a smile to her face or even a tear to you DD's eye, I'm not sure what will. I shared that with my 2 DD's and they laughed and cried for most of it...they are 14 and 11...

And lastly, don't adjust your expectations, adjust your perspective. As they get older, their perspective broadens...trying to see their point of view can be invaluable...CP

 

[CoogansBluff]

I've been dealing my my youngest DD & her crappy attitude as of late. She's one of the "better" girls on our rec & her TB team. The past couple of weeks she's been in a funk where there's no motivation when she's on the field. She plays 10u rec & jumps back & forth between 10 & 12 TB team. As her coach it drives me nuts cause she one of the better girls on her teams & I used to have to drag her off the field at the end of practice. The last tournament we played last weekend, she went 0 for 9 for the tournament, it seemed like she wasn't even trying.

Although your reaction to this is pretty normal and understandable, my advice would be that you step back from what you want to happen and just observe what you are seeing without judgment. The fact that she's one of the better players and went 0-for-9 is irrelevant. Concern for that makes it hard for a parent to be objective and do what's best for child, IMO. And to call her attitude ''crappy'' (assuming you're just talking about lack of maximum effort) is a judgment that also gets in the way of helping her.

Just observe - She doesn't seem to be trying that hard, she doesn't seem motivated. Those are facts, not judgments. There are also things that you and I are apathetic and unmotivated about and that we don't have the heart to give 100 percent. Doesn't mean it's a ''crappy'' attitude. It's just who we are at that moment.

If you look at it from this perspective without judgment, then it redefines the issue. It goes from ''I've got this talented daughter who isn't realizing her potential, which drives me nuts and causes me headaches because she could be so good'' to ''I want my daughter to enjoy what she's doing, whether she's good at it or not. How can I make this more fun for her, and how can I help her make sure softball is what she really wants to do and also give her a safe exit in case she wants to stop?''

 

[chinamigarden]

2 thoughts. 1 how much softball is she playing. Between rec and playing on a 10 and a 12u team maybe she wants a little balance in her life. Not every 10 year old wants to do the same thing everyday
2. Changes in personality and moods are sometimes hormonal or medical. Keep an eye on her and determine if this is the only aspect of her life where her personality and attitude have changed.

 

[YOCOACH]

Pass the coaching on to someone else and be just a dad. And do not miss signs of issues in your relationship, caused by you, because you blame some medical reason. Your relationship is more important than softball and you need to look inside rather than at her.

Once again, you've made an unwarranted assumption that may not have anything to do with the situation.

Also reduce the load to one team.

This however, may be sound advice if his/her DD is feeling like the game has become more like "work" than a game.

If I were in your situation, I would be asking DD if she was still having fun out on the field. If she isn't, and it sounds as if she isn't from your post, then you need to find out why and deal with it. In no uncertain terms, she is sending you a message. Now it is up to you as the parent to sit her down and figure out what it is. It could be imagined pressure from you, from her teammates, from her sister having a better start or any number of other things. If she still loves the game itself, then make sure she understands that she is out there playing for herself and no one else; because she loves being out there. If she doesn't, then let her know she wouldn't be letting you down by quitting at the end of the season and that you'd be proud of her no matter what she wanted to do but that she would be doing something such as another sport, band, theater, choir or whatever else she chooses.

 

[marriard]

I've been dealing my my youngest DD & her crappy attitude as of late. She's one of the "better" girls on our rec & her TB team. The past couple of weeks she's been in a funk where there's no motivation when she's on the field. She plays 10u rec & jumps back & forth between 10 & 12 TB team. As her coach it drives me nuts cause she one of the better girls on her teams & I used to have to drag her off the field at the end of practice. The last tournament we played last weekend, she went 0 for 9 for the tournament, it seemed like she wasn't even trying. I don't know if it's cause her sister is on both of her teams & she having a little more success? Last year her sister took a break & then came back this year with a vengeance & is starting the year strong..... Maybe she's burned out, maybe it's cause she's not in the spotlight anymore in the family... I don't know..I get headaches thinking about it.

Sorry for the rant..have any of you out here come across this with any of your DDs? Any input would be appreciated.

1) That is a lot of softball. Way too much to be honest. Pick one or the other - rec or travel. Or at least reduce the number of days she is practicing/playing (e.g. don't make her go to rec practices)

2) Stop talking softball to her. The 'I enjoyed watching you play' comment and then shutting up is good advice. If she wants to talk she will.

3) It is her game. You can't make her like it. If you try she will just end up quitting down the road and she wont like you for it. I see it all the time. The two BEST players in 8U-12U locally just quit the game altogether after one year in 14U just a couple of months a go. They now hate the game because of their parents pushing them.

4) It is softball. One weekends or one game performance is irrelevant. You fail at this game a lot. It is also isn't everything - so what is she has a bad few weeks.

5) Never, ever compare her to her sister. That is a path you don't want to go down. You have to temper how you are thrilled with one in softball over the other - which is all about the enjoyed watching you play comment

6) If you are coaching her, stop doing it directly. Let someone else do it by proxy (even if it is your message delivered by someone else). If you are coaching from the sidelines stop that as well. If you are trying to make her practice outside of schedule and she doesn't want to - stop that as well. This btw, is REALLY, REALLY hard for most people to do.

And good luck. They all grow up too fast to make too big a deal of softball.

 

[Ramchicken]

My DD has been playing the last 10 years and is now 17 TB, HS rec in younger years. She used to love practice, hitting in the yard but then life hits and she just wanted to be a kid. Even though she made All State as a 9th and 10th grader and is entering her 11th grade year. Plays on 18u Gold, with that being said a few years ago I had to realize that's there more to HER life than softball and she now mixes the two (social life and softball) pretty well. I think there are very few DD's that can be pushed and pushed and not lose interest in softball. Just my opinion. Also maybe try letting her play for some one other than dad and see how she performs even if just for one guest weekend.

 

[ddtimes4]

Bigflip...the sister competition/pressure thing is real...plus she sounds like she is in a mini slump too...which doesn't help. As other posters mentioned, definitely try to focus on some other things and remind her that its just a game and not the end of the world and super-early in the season. Also encourage the sisters to REALLY root for each other every chance they get. I have to STRESS that with my older two. They are not on the same team but they practice a lot together. Good Luck.

 

[BobInMadison]

It can be difficult if sisters feel they are being compared to each other. For example, I remember one of my DD's saying, very loudly, to my dog: "Daddy won't love you because you don't pitch". Gee, no sister competition THERE.