High School Daddy Ball

[wheresmycar]

Ha! You must be the coach on your dd's team. Pretty sure I said I have not and would not talk to the coach or AD about playing time issues.

You came at that post pretty aggressive buddy as I'm just sharing the circumstances of a pretty bad situation for my dd.

And to answer your question, if I did go to the AD about getting real coaches, which I am not, but if I did, I would hope that he would step up and get some real coaches in like he does the other sports at the school.

If you thought that was "aggressive" then you should definitely stay away from the hitting technical forum... Nothing good will result from going to the AD. He will not interfere with Coach on line up decisions. He WILL tell the coach what you say, and your DD will be the one who has to live with the consequences. I'm sure you love it when one of your subordinates takes a grievance directly to your boss. Even better when it's the subordinate's Father.

Now, if you want to discuss how large your donation will be to the Softball program to assist in hiring more professional coaches, I'm sure the AD will be more than happy to listen to that. Until then, volunteer coaches are probably going to be a thing...

And for the record, I haven't coached my DDs since rec ball..

 

[_MIA_]

If you thought that was "aggressive" then you should definitely stay away from the hitting technical forum... Nothing good will result from going to the AD. He will not interfere with Coach on line up decisions. He WILL tell the coach what you say, and your DD will be the one who has to live with the consequences. I'm sure you love it when one of your subordinates takes a grievance directly to your boss. Even better when it's the subordinate's Father.

Now, if you want to discuss how large your donation will be to the Softball program to assist in hiring more professional coaches, I'm sure the AD will be more than happy to listen to that. Until then, volunteer coaches are probably going to be a thing...

And for the record, I haven't coached my DDs since rec ball..

Hitting forum has been pretty tame lately..

 

[wheresmycar]

Hitting forum has been pretty tame lately..

I'm too scared to go in there and see....

 

[GIMNEPIWO]

You always go the the Head Coach first with few exceptions ... If you get no solid answer, then you go to the AD ... And do not start any bleacher chatter.

 

[uncdrew]

If, in fact, your dd is the superior catcher and the other catcher is hitting .000 then your dd should be able to ask the HC to sit down and have a discussion. I can't imagine why a coach in an upper-division school would be playing such an inferior player even if there were the daddy factor given the importance of the catching position.

IMO, your dd should ask to talk to the HC. In doing so, mention that she is getting mixed signals. She was told she was the starter and now she isn't. She feels she is producing and wants the HC to know she is frustrated. She should ask the HC where he views her role on the team and if she has a future at the catching position. Once that is answered if he says not as a catcher, she needs to let him know that she really would appreciate an opportunity to play another position. From there, she has done all that she can do. This advice is what I would expect from my players and they know that I am brutally honest when talking to them.

I do admit that I have never coached at a private school. I am sure that there are other factors in play that I don't know about. Where I coach, if you don't win, you lose your job.

Exactly this.

Have DD put these bullet points on paper and bring to the meeting. Makes her look prepared and helps her not forget anything she wants to say.

Stick to facts.

But at this point I'd have her push the issue pretty hard. Seems crazy. I hate the politics in school ball. I feel for y'all.

 

[GunnerShotgun]

I need your advice and also just perhaps want to rant a little. My DD is a Sophomore catcher / utility. She plays travel ball on a team that played in the PGF Premier nationals last year. They aren't the best team out there but play some high level ball. I tend to be realistic about my DD's abilities. She is the second catcher on her travel team and that is fair, the other catcher is definitely better than her. She plays in the field (3rd and OF). Last year her high school team was chock full of seniors and even though she was better than the starting catcher according to many people including the coaches, she sat the bench. GC says she played 11 innings while the senior played 100+. It was disappointing as my DD needs experience, she's playing catch up but we all understood it. Fast forward to this year. There are no seniors on the team and only 3 juniors. She was told at the beginning of the season that she is the starting catcher. There is a freshman catcher whose dad joined the coaching staff and in fact is "in charge" of the catchers. The freshman is seeing a lot of playing time and lately more and more. She has a lot of work to do to be able to play at this level, you feel for her as she digs herself in a hole. It's been so bad she has been pulled mid-inning. My DD is clearly the better catcher. We at first thought they were playing her only against the weaker teams but she started yesterday against one of the toughest teams in the league while my DD sat. One other note, the freshman has gotten to try other positions when not at catcher but has failed significantly at them with many errors and the coach has said cost the game on several occasions. My DD has a lot of experience at positions in the field because she is second catcher on the travel team, but never gets puts in the field when not catching. Also, it's not a case of hitting. The freshman catcher has the worst BA on the team and a 000 batting average against higher level pitching. The whole situation has been extremely frustrating to my DD as she feels she put her time in as a freshman sitting the bench while this freshman is being given chances because her dad is a coach. The other note is that the other starters always play, even against the weaker teams. Even when the starting pitcher (who is the head coach's daughter) is not pitching, she is playing. It seems my DD is getting the shaft to help out the assistant coach's DD.

My question for you is do I bring this up to the athletic director? It is very obvious daddy ball that should not be tolerated in high school. It's a private school with a pretty put together sports program. I'm especially concerned that the freshman catcher's dad is in charge of the catchers so not certain how my DD is being treated here. Part of me wants to go and fight for her and the other part is just resigned to the fact that it's just high school ball and there's not much to be done. Life isn't fair. Thanks in advance for your advice!

I would have a talk with the HC but keep it high level, don't mention stats. Ask the HC if you can volunteer to help coach and if so it will help your DD's chances of increased playing time.

Based on that response or lack there I would approach the AD with the same question. Before doing all of that I would ask your DD if she is ready to walk if you don't get the response (or any response) you are looking for.

Also, I didn't see you mention the team's W/L record?

 

[dbronstein]

Am I the only one who thinks the catcher dad/coach made a nice donation to the school to get his position?

 

[Traps71]

It sounds like your daughter is a higher-level player than mine, but my DD went through something similar her Sophomore year of HS ball after a strong Freshman season on Varsity. It didn't have anything to do with daddy ball (no parent coaches on team), but had to do with how coaches can see players and their roles regardless of work, commitment, effort, etc.

Anyway, I wanted to suggest the possibility of simply doing nothing and letting things play out and see what happens. Time sometimes has a way of sorting things out. It was a very difficult last season for my DD, but she gutted through it. I actually marveled at her strength because I am sure I couldn't have handled it as well. I never considered saying anything to the coach, but helped prepare her for her own conversations with him, which she initiated twice at different points in the season. Seemingly to no avail. AD was also never considered a possibility because it was, at bottom, a playing time issue. I've seen the AD take action to remove coaches where there was questionable behavior (or worse) toward athletes that was reported, but playing time and lineups are obviously a coach's decision.

Fast forward to her Junior season. Several Seniors had graduated. Two other girls on Varsity decided to stop playing, including a girl who had started much of the time. One of the assistant coaches on Varsity was relieved by the AD. My DD was not given a chance to play her primary position (RHP), but was given an opportunity to play 1B. I think the conversations she had with head coach last year planted this seed. She has made the most of that--hit very consistently and played better defense than I expected given that her only experience playing 1B was in LL--and has been a starter all year. The team is 11-4 and in first place in our District. Neither she nor I expected things to unfold this way, but they did. Thankfully we'd never given up on her hitting; if we had, I think this year would have been very similar to last year.

If you personally go to the head coach or AD you may end up inadvertently hurting your DD's chances to carve out a meaningful role next season (or even this one). You never know what might happen. One or more of the daddy coaches could leave. One or more of their daughters could decide not to play. Other holes may open up on the roster, etc. I think it is a very good idea for your DD to advocate for herself to the head coach--respectfully and in person. Help prepare her for those engagements. Otherwise I would recommend staying out of it unless your daughter is somehow being put in harm's way.

 

[Justafan]

Thank you for all the advice and replies. All have very valid points and I hear you on not whining to the AD about playing time or even coaching bias. It's BS but is what it is.

Here's an update. My dd wrote to the head coach asking for some clarity on her role and what she can do to earn more playing time also asking to be considered for fielding positions when not catching. This prompted the coach to have a talk with each girl about expectations as they go into the last games of the season and playoffs. She was told that he had to play the other catcher and see if she could play. That she will be the starting catcher in playoffs but another girl will be hitting for her. So good news on the catching front. The girl that will be hitting for her doesn't even hit for herself when she plays the field and sits at a 100 BA. Oh, her dad is another assistant coach. Oh well, this one doesn't sting as much, it's actually almost laughable. She's another Sophomore and her dad is a nice guy. She just seems to be getting some benefit. My dd is happy the other girl gets to play, wishes it wasn't in her place but oh well. My dd is in a hitting slump. In travel ball last Fall she was hitting over 300 with an average of a HR a weekend but something's up during high school season. She's hitting better than these other girls but not like she should be. It has motivated her even more to get out of the slump.

On the way out of practice the catcher's dad caught up to my dd and said "everything clear now" after the HC's talk with her in a smug kind of way. What a jerk, I wanted to punch the guy in the face. Not really, I'm not a violent person but seriously mean and this guy is supposedly "coaching" my dd. I have no doubt his work is anti-productive. I just learned he screwed around with her swing at the beginning of the season so...

What I've come to decide is that I'd rather my dd be in her situation than the other catcher's. What is that girl going to do when daddy isn't around to get her what she wants? My dd is learning to advocate for herself, work harder than anyone else, deal with disappointment and feel some empathy for other players. Hard in the moment but very good life lessons.

Some answers to questions that were asked. The team sits around 50/50 win / loss. The coaches are competent in general, they are all travel ball coaches, just pretty biased. Private schools are tricky, i'm guessing more politics than the public system but not sure.

Thanks again for all the advice and for letting me rant a little. It for sure helps to get it out here rather than blowing up at the school!

 

[nixxy311]

Some answers to questions that were asked. The team sits around 50/50 win / loss. The coaches are competent in general, they are all travel ball coaches, just pretty biased. Private schools are tricky, i'm guessing more politics than the public system but not sure.

Are any of the girls on the team also on the TB teams that the coaches coach for? I know you can't have a coach who coaches a player on both a HS and TB team (at least not in my state) . I would hope they don't also coach their kid's TB team? A soccer team in my state had their championship stripped away after they found out 3 of the players also played on their coach's club team.