Help with DD#1 attitude

[Mocoso]

My DD#1 is the hardest working, sweetest of my 3 DD's. Yet she is the one struggling at the moment with attitude on the field. She is having major breakdowns when she makes a mistake and its killing the fun and effort for the rest of the game. I know a lot of you have been there and I need some advice...

She has always been hard on herself but she never saw herself as the better player but the "developing player" so she looked up to the better players and took mistakes as learning opportunities and while she got down on herself she got herself back up and tried harder.. she worked so hard that she is now one of the "better" players (not the best in the league by far but on the better side)

She is now not taking mistakes well and sees it as black and white and as total failure.. she is overly hard on herself (weak hit to short and its a meltdown... caught looking on strike 3 and its the end of the world) - She knows the negative spiral just kills her for the rest of the game (more mistakes more lack of focus etc) and acknowledges it doesnt help BUT she is 11 yrs old and is still not at the age where she can fully control the emotions...

The advice I need is how to be supportive and help her control the emotions... the stern loud coach "there is no crying in softball".. stop the crying, stop the pouting shake it off youll do better next time isnt working.. stop being so hard on yourself etc is just not registering at the moment... what words of wisdom can be said in the dugout to help them control the emotions and allow them channel mistakes positively and with a smile on their face?

Yes Im sure its the age but Im about to leave the dugout as i find the negativity frustrating specially from such a sweet kid.... and yes the problem may be me and I should just let her pout but I have no patience for it....

Sorry for the long post just need advice as a dad not a coach

 

[redhotcoach]

Just love on her. My kid was always super hard on herself, and at 11 I was hard on her too. After I relaxed and she had some time to make a lot of errors and find out it's not that big of a deal. Also she played some games at about 12 with the local "all star" at the time. She found out the girl was just ok, but she was super confident, a lot of fun to be around, and never got down. The girl actually made more than her share of errors, but it was like no one even noticed.
I work with a dad who college dd (quit playing after hs) played with one of D1's newest stars, we met up yesterday to discuss this weekend's ncaa games. He said (about the girl) "I remember when she would have a melt down every weekend....wasn't a complete game until she was crying." So they get past it.

 

[RetiredCoach]

As a parent I think that we have all been there, but I would suggest that you checkout your personal attitude towards failure that your DD may be picking up on. As a coach, when I've seen a girl take "failure" hard it always struck me that this attitude came from the parent. As a parent, I've really had to make some changes within myself to be a better father to my DDs. Just an idea.

 

[YOCOACH]

Since you mentioned batting specifically in your OP, I'll start there. My DD used to have the same problem where that was concerned anyway. I solved it by watching a lot of college games with her. As we watched, I explained to her that the schools we were watching such as Alabama, Kentucky, LSU, Arizona, etc. were some of the top softball programs in the country and that they had many of the top college players in the country. I told her to pay attention to what their batting averages were as they came up to the plate. As an example, some were .275-.450. Then I told her that a batting average of .270 means that for every 100 at bats, that means that the player hits a ball in play 27 times. More importantly, it means she struck out, hit a weak grounder or a fly ball/pop-up for an out 73 times...and these are some of the best players in the country. When she watched and took the statistics into account, she figured out for herself that 1) failure was a part of the game. 2)The most important part of the game is how she reacts to the failure. 3)She can either pick herself up by the bootstraps, dust herself off and work on hitting the next at bat, making the next out, whatever it takes or 4) she could dwell on it and really blow the game. I kept stressing while we were watching that these were some of the best players in the game today and that they make mistakes/commit errors as well.

The real kicker was when we went to an Akron Racers game and Monica Abbott was pitching for the opposing team (Bandits?). She was on fire that night and routinely hitting 73-75 mph on the radar gun. Then one pitch, in the middle of the inning and in the middle of her arm circle, Abbott lost the handle on the ball and it went straight up in the air about 50 feet then fell to the ground. She looked at it in shock as did her teammates and the crowd, then busted out laughing (again) as did everyone else. An IP was called, runners advanced and the game moved on. From that point forward, upon seeing the best pitcher in the world (IMO) commit that kind of mistake and shake it off, she now tries to emulate that kind of attitude.

 

[Mocoso]

As a parent I think that we have all been there, but I would suggest that you checkout your personal attitude towards failure that your DD may be picking up on. As a coach, when I've seen a girl take "failure" hard it always struck me that this attitude came from the parent. As a parent, I've really had to make some changes within myself to be a better father to my DDs. Just an idea.

I know Ive kept my verbal queues in check and respond with "shake it off", "its ok, smile you will get them next time" etc but in hindsight I havent paid attention to my body language... I may be conveying the wrong body language to her and she is picking up on it while Im clueless...

 

[Mocoso]

Since you mentioned batting specifically in your OP, I'll start there. My DD used to have the same problem where that was concerned anyway. I solved it by watching a lot of college games with her. A.....

Great to hear... wife and I actually talked about making watching a game a Sunday afternoon family event as it would help all 3 of our girls understand the game better and realize even the best players fail more than half the time... and yea my DD#1 problems start at the plate and she gets so down on herself if its not a great hit that it then translates into errors in the field (hard to be a great SS or CF when you got tears in your eyes)

 

[pctrips]

RetiredCoach gave some great advice. Something as simple as dropping your head can be picked up on. I'd try to make sure that she understands it is ok to make a mistake. Making mistakes is an important part of learning and improving.

 

[sluggers]

and yes the problem may be me and I should just let her pout but I have no patience for it....

So, you want to help her, except if helping her means leaving her alone?

 

[Mocoso]

So, you want to help her, except if helping her means leaving her alone?

No just admitting I have no patience for it but if that is what it would take then I would do so in a heartbeat... we have games today so Ill watch my body language and will "stay way" from her if she starts any drama... will see how it goes...

 

[Coachmom]

I agree with retired coach. A lot of the problems with failure and my daughter came from my attitude about it. I made a ton of mistakes and spent the last few years learning to shut up.
Also don't discount hormones are starting to become a factor at this age.