Help with DD#1 attitude

[YOCOACH]

I think another area us adults should shut up about is blaming things on hormones, when there are real issues the adult needs to address. Come on is this the year 1950 or something?

Well it's certainly not the 60's since there's no bonfire of burning bras. It is a scientifically and medically proven fact that hormones can have an adverse effect on attitudes and can also create sudden mood swings in ALL youth. Some kids are more susceptible than others and some may not be affected at all. For a mother to suggest that they may be coming into play at this age is certainly as viable an explanation as you wanting to blame the mean ole Dad for putting too much pressure on her. No, you haven't said it.... but I know you want to

 

[Mocoso]

I think another area us adults should shut up about is blaming things on hormones, when there are real issues the adult needs to address. Come on is this the year 1950 or something?

She is 11 and while I dont want my DD to ever grow up I have to accept it could very well be hormones. i asked for advice and opinions and as such will gracefully take all of them and see which best fit my own individual situation.. from the ones that assume Im just a mean ole dad putting too much pressure on her, to hormones, to "its what 11yr olds go thru"...

I had not considered hormones but will keep an eye for it on/off the field. I had not considered my body language but will pay special attention to it, I will try not telling her that getting down on herself is only going to make it worse

bottom line is Im glad for the posts as it helps me frame my plan of actiion...

and for the record: No Im not the mean old dad that cusses my daughter out for making mistakes..

 

[chinamigarden]

I think another area us adults should shut up about is blaming things on hormones, when there are real issues the adult needs to address. Come on is this the year 1950 or something?

When my dd was in 9th grade her personality changed quite a bit, as did her athletic performance. It was a drastic change, along with that there were some other issues we were worried about so we scheduled a doctors appointment. As it turned out my dd ended up in the pediatric ICU because her body had stopped making a critical hormone. It has nothing to do with her being female, boys and men also need this hormone.

You need to open your mind and stop thinking that every time someone on here says hormones that they are talking estrogen. It could be any number of things and when a child (boy or girl) has a change in personality the parent has to consider a medical issue could be part of it. After all this isn't the 1950s and medicine has advanced to help people like my dd live normal lives.

 

[Coachmom]

OILF..Hormones are a huge factor in mood swings. MEDICAL FACT. Especially irritability so get over yourself. I dealt with it and my DD did too right around 11 and half years old.

Moods and Hormones

 

[redhotcoach]

OILF..Hormones are a huge factor in mood swings. MEDICAL FACT. Especially irritability so get over yourself. I dealt with it and my DD did too right around 11 and half years old.

Moods and Hormones

And pretty sure girls weren't playing softball in the 1950s.

 

[YOCOACH]

And pretty sure girls weren't playing softball in the 1950s.

I bet that's all the mens' fault too....just ask OILF

 

[Coachmom]

And pretty sure girls weren't playing softball in the 1950s.

Nope..too busy



http://sex-appeals-in-advertising.wikispaces.com/Sex+Appeal+in+Advertising+40s-50s


PS I said be aware that hormones may be a factor. no the only one I'm sure.

 

[Sparky Guy]

While hormones can be a factor usually it's something else. And it starts at the top with the HC. I call it acceptable, allowable behavior. I have worked with 100's of 10 - 12 year old girls over the years and I've never had one do the things the OP outlined on a regular basis. And it's not due to luck. It's all in how the players are addressed from the very start.

At the very first meeting with the girls I will tell them I know they will make mistakes, strike out, miss balls, make bad throws and a bunch of other things. It's part of the game and it's how they learn to play the game. I let them know I will never be mad at them for making a mistake or failing. Crying and pouting is not part of learning the game. The only thing that would disappoint me was if they did not give the team their best effort. That is all I can ask of them as a player.

In the beginning I may have one or two who go the drama route when things go wrong. What I basically do is ignore it. I will ask them if they are hurt. The usual answer is "No." Then I tell them there is no reason to cry and go get ready for the next whatever. Then I try to find something positive to say about their effort so they move on with a positive thought in their head. I talk to them in an even voice so they understand it's not worth getting upset over because I'm not upset. What I don't do is coddle with all of the usual Honey, Sweetie type things. That only feeds the "drama" feelings. The hardest thing is to keep the other girls on the team from feeding it. There are those who will want to "comfort" someone who feels bad. I try to stop them from doing that. I will tell them So-and-So is fine. She just needs a minute gather herself.

After a while the players understand that's it's a normal part of the game to fail and it's not the end of the world. One of the other things that helps is the parents have to understand the process as well and not come up to the dugout trying to make things "better" unless a player is injured. A shouted word or two of encouragement goes a long way so they know the parents are not upset helps, so long as it's not coddling.

If you think about it. Is that type of reaction allowed in school? Do the teachers allow meltdowns in class if a child answers a question wrong? They have strategies in place to deal with those type of situations in order maintain a positive teaching environment. The kids all know what is acceptable, allowable behavior in school from the very start. Why shouldn't it be the same on the diamond, or on any sporting field?

 

[Mocoso]

Well Im happy to report that today was by far one of the best "attitude" days for my daughter! I think the problem was her and I both feeding into a cycle.. this is how the game went: 1st inning runner on 3rd and 2nd... two outs... routine grounder to SS (my DD#1) and ball goes straight between her legs (it was ugly.. TBALL Ugly)... 2 runs score

I didnt say a word and kept my body language neutral... told 1st base coach to let me take 1st so I could stay out of dugout when she came back in - I could see she was struggling for the balance of the inning to stay composed (it was a truly embarasing play and I felt for her - just a simple "field the ball first" mistake)

She came back and laid a perfect bunt to advance runner to third and beat the throw to first....
Came back next inning and made a spectacular sliding catch in SS behind second base to rob a hit and tag 2nd for the out (best infield play Ive ever seen her make)
Last inning: girl on 3rd we are down 11 to 2, 1 out... she gets walked and makes a beehive for second with pitcher holding ball...they go for the easy out at second and she immediately freezes on pitcher release, allows runner on third to score and dives back to first safely....we kept rally going but fell short 11 to 8

Prob one of the best personal efforts she has had and no better way to reinforce what Ive been trying to tell her...

My lesson: I think I was trying too hard to help her, that and her being too hard on herself just made it a bad combination... me getting myself out of the equation and her realizing she didnt need to be so hard on herself worked wonders!

In any case thanks everyone for the posts and Im one happy dad tonight!

 

[ArkFastpitch]

As a parent I think that we have all been there, but I would suggest that you checkout your personal attitude towards failure that your DD may be picking up on. As a coach, when I've seen a girl take "failure" hard it always struck me that this attitude came from the parent. As a parent, I've really had to make some changes within myself to be a better father to my DDs. Just an idea.

I totally agree. At that age they want nothing more than to please you. They want you to be proud of them. I was the reason my DD almost gave up on softball. I was extremely overbearing and negative. I look back now and see how much of a strain I put on our relationship so I made the decision to step down from coaching and focus on getting my little girl back. Now I sit quietly in the stands and enjoy the time we have together. Whenever DD comes off the field she always looks at me and I give her a thumbs up regardless of how she did. If she is happy she will give me one back or if not, I get an eye roll and that's the end of it.