Escalation of Commitment

[Cannonball]

Buckeyeguy, while not as drastic as Lickety Split, I might say that there is merit in what he says. I don't know what your situation is with your dd other than what you have typed. However, as a coach, I do know what my situation was with mine. The pressure on any child of a coach in a school setting can be overwhelming. So, the response might be to shut down. The idea that you told your dd not to try out was, imo, harsh given that you don't have the same relationship with others trying out and that you have measured her against the unknown and she lost. Besides all of that, you have taken a young lady who is dealing with all the other problems of puberty and told her she doesn't measure up in your eyes.

When I was in HS, I was the star of my HS Team. My brother was the smallest kid in school and so, not physically close to me. One day he asked me if I knew what it was like to be my brother. I did not. He told me that no matter how hard he tried and what he did, everyone wanted him to be me. Long story short, he asked how an average player with good intent ever match the star? So, he gave up.

You are evaluating your dd with the emotion of a Father regardless of whether you think you are or not. That's not fair to her to then have her home life held against her. In that regard, it takes two to tangle. JMHO!

 

[reagansdaddy]

All I have to say is thanks for taking the time to read my post.

Wow, you handled that so much better than I would have. What a horse's rear end post. For the record, you can coach my DD any day of the week.

 

[BuckeyeGuy]

The idea that you told your dd not to try out was, imo, harsh given that you don't have the same relationship with others trying out and that you have measured her against the unknown and she lost. Besides all of that, you have taken a young lady who is dealing with all the other problems of puberty and told her she doesn't measure up in your eyes.

I appreciate the feedback, but I think you missed a couple of things: 1) I told her not to bother trying out due to her attitude - that was a father to a child discussion. My co-coach and I just told 30 other hopefuls the exact same thing at our interest meeting. I was gentle with DD, but honest. 2) It'd be great if you read the entire thread, or at least skimmed to follow my replies. I've been here long enough that you should know that I am willing to expose myself here and admit mistakes and make adjustments based on the knowledge and experience of the DFP family.

 

[djcarter1966]

I appreciate the feedback, but I think you missed a couple of things: 1) I told her not to bother trying out due to her attitude - that was a father to a child discussion. My co-coach and I just told 30 other hopefuls the exact same thing at our interest meeting. I was gentle with DD, but honest. 2) It'd be great if you read the entire thread, or at least skimmed to follow my replies. I've been here long enough that you should know that I am willing to expose myself here and admit mistakes and make adjustments based on the knowledge and experience of the DFP family.

WoW, [MENTION=11294]BuckeyeGuy[/MENTION]... I think we can all see some people will never learn.

I had the same reaction but as you could hopefully tell from my post I tried to kindly and gently remind you that it might be OK to take a step back and think about your comment about whether or not she should try out for the MS team you coach; then laid out a few reasons that included her ability to help the team and play a game she enjoys with her friends while still being competitive. From your response I think you engaged her again and said she should try out but you still want her to do her best and give 100% while she was playing and on the team even if she was not putting in "extra" effort off the field. I'm thinking to myself we have a great little community here where we encourage one another and try and help each other out in what is the most difficult and important thing we will ever do, raise our kids (regardless of softball) and then BAM!! out come the haters.

Hang in there and glad you responded with such grace to Lickety FLAMER again just another example of your character.

 

[RetiredCoach]

I am the father of two very talented pitcher/players aged 17 and 14. They work out way less than comparable pitchers and, yet, I predict that they will again be the aces of their travel teams--as they have in the past. Given their level of commitment, they will probably not garner much interest at the DI level but could certainly find a place at DII or DIII. However, it bothers me to think where they might be if they did work hard at it!

With that said, I've backed way off on any pressure that I've put on them. I may make suggestions, offer my help, but I leave it to them to decide how much they are going to commit to practicing. Although they don't workout as much as I think they should, I don't view it as a character flaw. They are kids and they have a lot else to do besides softball, as much as they love it. They have their own plans for their lives and it is THEIR life and I've come to trust them to make those decisions.

Since I've done that, our relationship is better and more relaxed and so is my life. So, backing off has worked for US.

 

[grcsftbll]

IMO it's 100% within the realm of good parenting to tell your child if she has a bad attitude she shouldn't try out. That goes for whether dad is the coach or not. Nobody (dad or otherwise) wants to coach a kid who doesn't really want to be there. I don't see anything unreasonable about that.

At 13 I really believe the ball needs to be in their court for the most part. They're young adults. Stupid, yes. All teenagers are stupid. But they need to make their own choices sometimes even if they turn out to be bad ones. They also start rebelling, so she may be resisting practice and playing BECAUSE dad wants her to do it. Just giving her the space and autonomy to decide for herself may actually increase her interest rather than decrease it.

 

[RetiredCoach]

At 13 I really believe the ball needs to be in their court for the most part. They're young adults. Stupid, yes. All teenagers are stupid. But they need to make their own choices sometimes even if they turn out to be bad ones. They also start rebelling, so she may be resisting practice and playing BECAUSE dad wants her to do it. Just giving her the space and autonomy to decide for herself may actually increase her interest rather than decrease it.

I think that I've shared this story before on this forum but it seems pertinent to this thread and the above quote. Last winter I was working hard on getting my then 13 year old DD to throw with proper form. My attempts failed miserably and stopped trying. However, the following spring I saw her throwing with her teammates throwing with nearly perform form. I asked her, "So, why are you throwing correctly now?" She said, "Because your finally got off my back!!!"

 

[WARRIORMIKE]

Put her into music camp.

The term is called "Band Camp" and yes it was the nerdiest thing Ive ever done. But damn it was fun!

 

[RetiredCoach]

The term is called "Band Camp" and yes it was the nerdiest thing Ive ever done. But damn it was fun!

I've seen movies about band camps. Do the kids at them get all the action that they get in the movies?

 

[WARRIORMIKE]

I've seen movies about band camps. Do the kids at them get all the action that they get in the movies?

I did, thats why I got punished by having a dd. Life is getting its revenge back at me !