DD no longer #1 player, and Mom is not happy

[Momo'sDad]

I'm just venting a little.

This is DD's first time being on a team where she's not the best player, but there's a pretty good chance that she could crack the starting lineup, though, and play in the outfield.

Mom is not pleased, but I'm doing my best to explain how things work. The 2 best players pitch and play SS when not pitching. No one is going to beat them out for either of those spots. The tallest player had a pretty good bat all season and she plays 1B. She's not the most skilled at the position, but that's really the only place she can play on the field and they want her bat in the lineup. She's the biggest target, so for the time being, the position is hers.

I could continue, but you get the gist. DD has range, amazing gloves skills, and a good arm. She is also a good hitter, but there really are no infield openings at this time. She does want to start, though.

I love her to death, but Mom isn't really helping me out here with comments like "she didn't even get to try out for the infield" or "she's always played infield", "why is so-n-so getting to play 2B?", etc. Sure, it can be a little disappointing for the player not to be the star anymore, but she's got to learn what it is to have to fight for what she wants.

I wish Mom could understand how good this is for DD. She's 8 and she was voted to the 10u All-Star team, where some players have already turned 11. Everyone is 1-2 years bigger, stronger, more experienced than she is. The older girls have taken her under their wing and she's worked to earn their respect. And the fact that she's got a shot at starting is huge. I just need Mom to get over the rec parent mentality that only the weak players are assigned to the outfield, because things are way different once you get to All-Stars.

 

[BB Coach]

I have always sought out situations where my kids are NOT the best on the team. That is what I thought TB, AAU, USSSA etc.... was for. Somedays, they are the best on the diamond but internally, they are always measuring themselves against their teammates and opponents. I think for really competetive athletes, you always want to put them in a situation where their internal drive forces them to out work and out train their competition.

 

[obbay]

I've got to tell you, from the way you were talking, I expected DD to be much older.
This is the first time she has been on a team where she is not the best player and she's only 8 - how many years has she been playing? Mom sounds very familiar and because DD is so young, it sounds like Mom still has to learn how things work.

Sometimes it takes coaches awhile to recognize talent in a player that is new to them, especially when they think they already have their positions filled. tell her to always do her best, whether or not anyone gives her an "atta girl". She should take pride in herself and the job she does out there.

Impressive that she made the U10 all-stars, but be wary. All-stars frequently are another venue for daddyball where the coaches DDs and their friends and the kids the coaches already know get all the playing time. everyone else gets the minimum.

 

[Country Boy]

Don't take this the wrong way, but... Buy Momma a glove and tell her to go join the Pro's since she already knows everything. Tell her that she is the Poster Child for the Pageant Mom's of America. Remind her that if she always wants her baby to be the best on the field, then she needs to play on the crappiest team.

Want to know what is wrong with America? It is this mentality. For goodness sake, we can't allow our children to work to improve. No, we want everything handed to them because they deserve it because, well, because they are mine.

Momo's Dad, I have enjoyed your recent postings about some of your challenges. I think you have a tremendous ability to enjoy life and laugh. That is awesome. But your wife is getting dangerously close to being known as "That Mom". The one who's reputation will keep her daughter from being selected for a team. Because coaches don't need the crap.

If it were me, I would mention to my wife that it's a darn shame the coaches for Team USA haven't seen dd play yet and recognized that she is already too advanced for their team at the age of 8. Of course, it would take a couple days for me to get released from the hospital after the beating that would take place.

 

[softballphreak]

Don't take this the wrong way, but... Buy Momma a glove and tell her to go join the Pro's since she already knows everything. Tell her that she is the Poster Child for the Pageant Mom's of America. Remind her that if she always wants her baby to be the best on the field, then she needs to play on the crappiest team.

Want to know what is wrong with America? It is this mentality. For goodness sake, we can't allow our children to work to improve. No, we want everything handed to them because they deserve it because, well, because they are mine.

Momo's Dad, I have enjoyed your recent postings about some of your challenges. I think you have a tremendous ability to enjoy life and laugh. That is awesome. But your wife is getting dangerously close to being known as "That Mom". The one who's reputation will keep her daughter from being selected for a team. Because coaches don't need the crap.

If it were me, I would mention to my wife that it's a darn shame the coaches for Team USA haven't seen dd play yet and recognized that she is already too advanced for their team at the age of 8. Of course, it would take a couple days for me to get released from the hospital after the beating that would take place.

Hint: Don't let Mom read this unless Country Boy has an extra bedroom for you!

Your whole family is going to do just fine with softball. Enjoy!

 

[chinamigarden]

I'm just venting a little.

This is DD's first time being on a team where she's not the best player, but there's a pretty good chance that she could crack the starting lineup, though, and play in the outfield.

Mom is not pleased, but I'm doing my best to explain how things work. The 2 best players pitch and play SS when not pitching. No one is going to beat them out for either of those spots. The tallest player had a pretty good bat all season and she plays 1B. She's not the most skilled at the position, but that's really the only place she can play on the field and they want her bat in the lineup. She's the biggest target, so for the time being, the position is hers.

I could continue, but you get the gist. DD has range, amazing gloves skills, and a good arm. She is also a good hitter, but there really are no infield openings at this time. She does want to start, though.

I love her to death, but Mom isn't really helping me out here with comments like "she didn't even get to try out for the infield" or "she's always played infield", "why is so-n-so getting to play 2B?", etc. Sure, it can be a little disappointing for the player not to be the star anymore, but she's got to learn what it is to have to fight for what she wants.

I wish Mom could understand how good this is for DD. She's 8 and she was voted to the 10u All-Star team, where some players have already turned 11. Everyone is 1-2 years bigger, stronger, more experienced than she is. The older girls have taken her under their wing and she's worked to earn their respect. And the fact that she's got a shot at starting is huge. I just need Mom to get over the rec parent mentality that only the weak players are assigned to the outfield, because things are way different once you get to All-Stars.

I don't know anything about your wife, But I know this about mine. Sometimes I just need to listen to her, nod my head and let her blow off the steam. She doesn't want to have it explained to her, she doesn't want her problem to be fixed. She just wants her opinion heard and understood. When I try to explain to her why its the way it is, it sounds like I am telling her she is wrong, and that she should not feel the way she feels.

Don't confuse this with ignoring her, that's bad. She just wants her opinion/frustration out of her system. To avoid being "that mom" its better she vent on me, get it out of her system, and then things are better.

 

[NVfishing]

My oldest DD is going through this right now. Was the best at pitching and isn't now. We talked about it today and she is going to start putting in extra time practicing to regain what she wants. I hope this is a shot in the arm for her. She seems to have gotten lackadaisical with her position and now it's not there.

 

[Momo'sDad]

I don't know anything about your wife, But I know this about mine. Sometimes I just need to listen to her, nod my head and let her blow off the steam. She doesn't want to have it explained to her, she doesn't want her problem to be fixed. She just wants her opinion heard and understood. When I try to explain to her why its the way it is, it sounds like I am telling her she is wrong, and that she should not feel the way she feels.

Don't confuse this with ignoring her, that's bad. She just wants her opinion/frustration out of her system. To avoid being "that mom" its better she vent on me, get it out of her system, and then things are better.

Unfortunately for me, just listening doesn't work around here. Responses are required and explanations are demanded for many things that don't even matter. We struggle because she'll lock herself into a position and want those feelings validated. With a 14-girl roster and the 1st tournament just a week-and-a-half away, there aren't going to be formal tryouts for each position. If an individual player wants to move up in the coaches' eyes, then the player has to show a lot of hustle during fielding drills instead of handling things in a pedestrian manner because the work seems monotonous or is easy for her. You didn't stay back on grounders during the season. Why aren't you charging the ball hard now? I know when a player is playing like she's afraid to make a mistake and it's up to each player to work through that and just play the game as well as she always has.

Country Boy, we do reasonably well together, but whenever there's an issue, she always comes back and admits her foibles, but in the moment, she has a hard time remembering that it's just a game and that we so-called 'adults' aren't even the ones playing it. She thinks I'm infringing upon her free speech (yes, she says that) and that I'm saying she's stupid when I tell her it's poor form to talk to the coach about other players. Regardless of what other parents may be feeling, I wouldn't want them trying to influence a coach by talking about our DD. That has nothing to do with free speech! DD was on a really bad team a year ago, but we'd get into tiffs when I asked her not to berate the teenage umpires. "I have a right to free speech!" would prompt me to just walk away and hope the angst died down. Then after some games, DD would casually mention how embarrassed she was and that would sting for a bit. She's taking the fall season off, which I hope will be good for her, but before we get there, I am hoping the summer season will become more relaxing that it has been so far. I like to relax and watch and cheer no matter who is playing, so I'm crossing my fingers that she'll join me.

 

[Momo'sDad]

BB Coach, I think it's a great experience for DD, too. Not only does she get to learn from some older, very talented players, but she also gets to compete against them, too, while at the same time learning she isn't always going to be #1. We watched some of the Memorial Day Classic here the other day and then she and her mom get into a little row, because she is now more motivated than ever to try out for a travel team. Mom previously favored the idea, but she's now unhappy about the fact that tournaments are generally played over an entire weekend, including Sundays. MY plan is to keep her in rec at least 3-4 more seasons, but I think we'll need the B program in order to keep her motivated after All-Stars, assuming she makes it each year. The popular thing to do around here, though, is to get the better players out of rec as soon as possible. The parents have their reasons for doing so, but it would be nice to keep more talent in the rec league, IMO, for at least 1-2 additional seasons.

 

[Momo'sDad]

Obbay, we gave DD a bunch of different toys to play with when she was little and the bat and ball were by far her favorites. We did not realize we were starting her a year before she was age-eligible, but even if she hadn't had that additional year, I think she would still be way ahead of her year group. But yes, she's been playing for a while, and now she's getting into competitive play where winning matters.

The coaches love her, but the girl playing 1B is at least 8 inches taller. She isn't getting that job. lol Last year's All-Star season was exactly as you described it - a showcase for the coach's DD - but this year is different. The kids are clearly having to earn their positions and the parents and players are on notice about that. Even though she gets 2 more years to play 10u All-Stars, if she earns a starting position, they fully intend to play her.

I'm proud of DD for just making the team, but she's a competitor and wants to play and I don't expect her to be satisfied just getting there. But I need Mom to know just what a big deal that is for DD to be able to compete on this level with the older players and to be impressed, not disappointed, by the fact that she has a real chance to start in RF, because then she'll help fuel that motivation instead of feeding the disappointment of knowing she isn't going to be the #1 SS or 1B on this team this year.

I don't think I'm being too positive here.