Daughter punished by coaches this past weekend

[JJS]

I remember when I was a freshman on the football team. I had a lot of respect for all my coaches. I had a coach explaining a play to me. I was saying "okay coach, okay coach" to let him know that I was listening as he was talking. For some reason, one time it came out "OKAY COACH!". The look on his face was shock that I talked back to him. I'm betting that I looked about the same. He stopped for a moment to think. Then realized everyone was watching me. Then he grabbed my face mask and screamed at me for about 5 minutes. I also had to run.

After practice I went up to him and apologized. I told him that I wasn't trying to be disrespectful that my voice came out wrong. He told me he understood. I suspect he knew the whole time, but couldn't let others see me yell at him.

There are 2 points to this story. 1) Sometime young men and women are disrespectful even when they aren't trying to be. Sometimes the chemistry in the body is just off for whatever reason that day(puberty). 2) By apologizing I was able to smooth over a situation. Your DD will have times that she has to apologize (right or wrong) to her peers, her clients and her boss in life. Might as well start practicing now.

 

[BT3100]

Last year DD was struggling and I could see that coaches were not happy to use her in games. It sucked but motivated her to work all winter. This season the same thing is happening to another player on the team. I tell my DD the same thing all of the time.... "Coach wants to win, so he is going to play the person who he thinks gives him the best chance to win".
The moment that I feel that he is playing daddy ball.. I leave.

 

[JAD]

All pitchers like to be considered the "starter", but sometimes, especially in competitive tournament situations, the best then to do is use multiple pitchers who compliment one another during a game. Like start your fireballer, then switch to a change up/movement pitcher after 3 or 4 innings. Having one pitcher throw all 7 innings is not always the best solution. The batters make adjustments as they get multiple at bats and most pitchers start to tire after @ 100 pitches.

Whenever we get put into the losers bracket of a tournament where we have to play "back-to-back-to-back" we move my DD into a closers role and only use her if necessary. She is not always happy about it because it limits her playing time, but we are doing what is best for the team and give us the best chance to win.

 

[RetiredCoach]

This young lady has nothing to apologize for.

In actuality, I agree that she truly has nothing to apologize for. However, I think that JJS has a good point. It often helps to smooth over a bad situation to apologize, right or wrong. This has worked for me, many times, professionally and usually tends to make situations better.

 

[Little Angels Softball]

Two sides to every story. This one sounds incomplete to me.

A coach should never belittle a girl or deliberately be mean to her. Both are total BS and should not be tolerated.

A girl should never question her coach in a confrontational manner, nor should she do anything that would present her in a "I am not a team player" light. Both should not be tolerated.

I also have a "no pout" rule on my team. If you get upset because you aren't getting your way (which is fine with me) and you let your teammates see it (which is NOT OK), well .... you've just guaranteed you won't get your way and you can think about it from the bench.

 

[NorthMS]

It is one thing if a coach mentored a player and then was tough on her for what he/she taught her (or the kid is in college playing). Or even pointed out what the player needed to work on to meet their expectations. But these coaches are putting intent to simple mistakes or the lack of experience of their teenage players, based on probably their own lack of credentials or right to do so. (They don't know what to tell her to fix it, that's the issue so they have to lash out at her.) Mistakes and struggles happen as part of the learning process and it has nothing to do with unicorns. It has to do with a coach teaching and mentoring kids effectively.

Wow, you sure did get a lot of info out of the OP that wasn't written.

 

[NorthMS]

We are getting one side of story. It may be 100% correct. One thing that stuck out to me is blaming the coach for a poor pitching performance. If a coach telling her to hit her spot causes her to fail, she will surely struggle in the future.

The coach shouldn't send mixed messages to their players. If he did so, that's on him. A player should not 2nd guess the coach, especially if she did it in front of the team. She does have every right to ask what she needs to work on to achieve the position and/or playing time she desires. Right before the 1st game is not the time to do so.

I've also seen first hand that a coach can give a kid complements on their work and improvement and that kid take it as more playing time, when that's not what the coach intended.

Here is the simple version...If the coach is abusive, leave. If he is, he had to have shown this behavior before now. If she didn't get what she had hoped for and wore her emotions on her sleeve, she needs to work on that. Either way, a calm one on one conversation is due between the player and coach.

Good luck.

 

[JJS]

Either way, a calm one on one conversation is due between the player and coach.

You hit the nail on the head.

 

[NorthMS]

I remember when I was a freshman on the football team. I had a lot of respect for all my coaches. I had a coach explaining a play to me. I was saying "okay coach, okay coach" to let him know that I was listening as he was talking. For some reason, one time it came out "OKAY COACH!". The look on his face was shock that I talked back to him. I'm betting that I looked about the same. He stopped for a moment to think. Then realized everyone was watching me. Then he grabbed my face mask and screamed at me for about 5 minutes. I also had to run.

After practice I went up to him and apologized. I told him that I wasn't trying to be disrespectful that my voice came out wrong. He told me he understood. I suspect he knew the whole time, but couldn't let others see me yell at him.

There are 2 points to this story. 1) Sometime young men and women are disrespectful even when they aren't trying to be. Sometimes the chemistry in the body is just off for whatever reason that day(puberty). 2) By apologizing I was able to smooth over a situation. Your DD will have times that she has to apologize (right or wrong) to her peers, her clients and her boss in life. Might as well start practicing now.

Great point. During a basketball game, I made a cross court pass to our best shooter when another player was open on my side of the court. Jason (best shooter) wasn't expecting the ball and it went off his hands for a turnover. Coach pulls me and asked "Why the hell did you make that pass?" I answered "Jason's man cheated into the lane and he's our best shooter." Well, apparently this was a rhetorical question, because it set coach off! He lit me up like a Christmas Tree. haha Didn't put me in the rest of the game. I waited 2 days and told him I was sorry for not recognizing that his question didn't merit an answer. He took it as talking back, in the heat of the moment. We laughed about it afterwards. He was wrong, but I apologized and I'm not scarred today because of it.

This coach was a hard man. Today, he'd be made out to be a monster. I loved him, even while I played for him. He wasn't perfect, but was fair and we learned the game. I was honored to be a pallbearer at his funeral a couple years ago. Not many people left as much of an impression on me as he did.

 

[crd1998]

No, the 'punishment' did not fit the crime.

Of course, I'm just guessing. I'm not getting both sides of the story. I wasn't there. But what I can trust is that your daughter felt devastated, got yelled at and feels the coaches don't like her. She's not excited about the next game. That's usually a coach problem.

Is this a travel team or a high school team?

My daughter plays on a high school team that is struggling to put it nicely. I have difficulty watching the games, its not a matter of if an error will happen it is how many and what the damage will be. I have not issues saying my DD is one of the top infielders but they have only let her play a total of one inning in the infield. Based on the stats my DD is in the top 5 hitting, on at least three occasions they have used the DP/Flex to have another player bat for her. Last game she came in to pinch hit and hit a double then walked the second at bat. My DD tried talking with the coach, that went no where. After the last incident in which they wanted to punish( had to do with her pitching)my daughter we had a conversation with the coach. It basically went we are ok with this type of punishment only if the remainder of the team is treated in the same manner. That means whenever another player commits an error, does not make a play or is lazy in getting to the ball the same punishment will be handed out.