I'm learning these last few weeks to keep my mouth shut! If I say anything to my DD she shuts down and does more of what I tell her she's doing wrong. If a coach tells her she makes the adjustment. I'm learning a lot from our coach this year. His demeanor with the girls is astounding. He knows the right things to say and the right time to say them. We don't have girls shutting down, the girls put enough pressure on themselves without anyone adding to it.
Dad too demanding on daughter
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obbay
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I know of one situation that is exctly identical to that which you describe. When Dad's not around, kid does fine and has more fun.
This discussion also reminds me of the other side of the coin- when you hear a coach telling your DD to do something the wrong way. I've taught her the smile-and-nod response, but it's still scary. Especially when they try to get them to incorporate changes in their swing while they're on deck.
This discussion also reminds me of the other side of the coin- when you hear a coach telling your DD to do something the wrong way. I've taught her the smile-and-nod response, but it's still scary. Especially when they try to get them to incorporate changes in their swing while they're on deck.
I have experienced this first hand. I was an assistant coach on my dd travel team for 2 years. I was constantly on her about every little mistake she made, she pitches and i was always on her about every pitch she threw. I was yelling for her to throw harder and she looked at me and smiled and proceded to throw nothing but changeups for the entire inning. We she got to the bench i was irate, she looked at me and said if you quit screaming my pitching will get faster. I now sit on my bucket down the right field line and keep my mouth shut, dd is playing much better and tells me quite often how much more enjoyable the tournaments are. Sometimes we are too close to the forest to see the trees.
I absolutely concur with those thoughts. Been there and still am there.
When I stopped actually being my coaches daughter, I made an effort to stay quiet on the sidelines, unless her new coach needed help in the dugout. I read Hal Skinners article and now I'm silent except for cheering. I even had to get my hubby to read the article too. I saw my DD roll her eyes during a game early in the season after he had said something so I showed him the article too. He got the point. That article is priceless. I'm just trying to figure out how to get more parents to read it without seeming like I'm accusing them of anything.
I really needed this thread. This is the first team of softball of me not being on the coaching staff for my twin daughters 10U. Actually it's the first team of all team sports they've ever been on I haven't been a coach. I'm having a really hard time adjusting but I am getting better. It does help that the head coach and I have known each other for over 30 years. Now when I know I'm about to become the "bleacher coach" I get up and take a walk around the complex or to the concession stand and watch from a distance for a bit until it subsides.
My only solid rule I give my assistant coaches is that they can't coach their own kid. AND, I don't coach mine; that's one reason why I have assistants...
SO, when a parent gets out of hand, I tell them to knock it off. and then I tell them that even the coaches aren't allowed to say anything to their own kid. My parents get it...
I don't understand why a coach would even hesitate telling a parent to back off. If you do it with humor, and they already know you are doing everything for their kid in the best way possible, they appreciate it. Nobody really wants to be the reason their own kid is having a miserable time in the field...and no parent really wants to be the embarrassing parent. You just need to tell them that they are! They'll back off..
SO, when a parent gets out of hand, I tell them to knock it off. and then I tell them that even the coaches aren't allowed to say anything to their own kid. My parents get it...
I don't understand why a coach would even hesitate telling a parent to back off. If you do it with humor, and they already know you are doing everything for their kid in the best way possible, they appreciate it. Nobody really wants to be the reason their own kid is having a miserable time in the field...and no parent really wants to be the embarrassing parent. You just need to tell them that they are! They'll back off..
My dd's high school practices started this week. After the first one, her coach had a mandatory parent meeting (first time in 3 yrs). She explained to all of us that she doesn't want us at practices. For the past two seasons, some of us have gone to them, read the paper or whatever, from beyond the fence. This season, there are A LOT of younger girls coming up and the coach explained that even sitting quietly can be a distraction to the girls. She also told us that she expects us to be a team - positive comments for the girls only. She let everyone know there that it is her job to correct mistakes, not our's, and that she knows how to praise as well as scold. Taking it even further, she said that she expects them to take responsibility for their actions both on and off the field - forgotten cleats? They are running. Forgotten glove? They are doing crunches.
Having said that, after that practice I noticed that a younger player's momma was there when I dropped off dd and was still there when I got back. DD said she was there the entire practice, making comments here and there to her dd on the field. When the child came off the field, she was headed to get her water. Her momma immediately jumped up and told her she would go get it. Ridiculous - my dd may not be "old", but I certainly am not going to tote her things for her or be there at her beck and call after or during practices - she needs to learn to get her own things and deal with it.
As a parent, I think this meeting with the coach was the best way to handle everyone without singling out a certain parent or parents. The players were not allowed to attend and it really was not a question/answer session - she talked, we listened. Just my two cents...
Having said that, after that practice I noticed that a younger player's momma was there when I dropped off dd and was still there when I got back. DD said she was there the entire practice, making comments here and there to her dd on the field. When the child came off the field, she was headed to get her water. Her momma immediately jumped up and told her she would go get it. Ridiculous - my dd may not be "old", but I certainly am not going to tote her things for her or be there at her beck and call after or during practices - she needs to learn to get her own things and deal with it.
As a parent, I think this meeting with the coach was the best way to handle everyone without singling out a certain parent or parents. The players were not allowed to attend and it really was not a question/answer session - she talked, we listened. Just my two cents...
It is often different for pitchers. Dad usually becomes DDs main practice partner and coach. He enforces at home practice every day what the pitching coach teaches once a week. He may know a hell of a lot more about what the PC is trying to accomplish with his daughter than the coach on the field.
Likewise, same goes for any private instruction that he pays for, whether it be fielding , hitting, etc. He has a vested interest to see that a coach that isnt providing that instruction doesnt allow his daughter to regress, or worse, teach her contrary to the private instruction.
For those girls, Sorry, but if the coaches were teaching to start with, Dad wouldnt be shelling out the $ for the private instruction. Want him to shut up, then teach his daughter correctly. On very well coached teams, you will not see parents coaching from the stands. That is usually a sign of a poorly coached team, and the parents know it.
Likewise, same goes for any private instruction that he pays for, whether it be fielding , hitting, etc. He has a vested interest to see that a coach that isnt providing that instruction doesnt allow his daughter to regress, or worse, teach her contrary to the private instruction.
For those girls, Sorry, but if the coaches were teaching to start with, Dad wouldnt be shelling out the $ for the private instruction. Want him to shut up, then teach his daughter correctly. On very well coached teams, you will not see parents coaching from the stands. That is usually a sign of a poorly coached team, and the parents know it.
After 6 seasons of coaching my DD I am no longer in the dugout. I try to keep my mouth shut but this morning at practice I whistled and moved her towards second. The guy I used to coach with who is in the same boat reminded me that it wasn't our practice any more and I should let the coach handle it. I think I'm going to drop her off for a while and read Hal's article.
