Confusing Situation With Senior Daughter Not Getting Playing Time On HS Team

[Cannonball]

That may be the case in your program, as you appear to be the exception here, but it isn't necessarily true across all situtions. Are there many malcontent parents out there? Oh yeah! Are there malicious coaches out there? You bet!

Doug, I don't doubt it. I should stay out of these type threads.

Take care,

Darrell

 

[Doug Romrell]

Doug, I don't doubt it. I should stay out of these type threads.

Take care,

Darrell

No, you should continue as you have. You DO provide valuable insight from a good high school coach's perspective. We do need your continued help in this regard.

My point was not meant as a slap to your face, rather simply to point out that there are many coaches out there who are well below your character.

Best,

Doug

P.S. I am still genuinely interested in your list of guidelines for parents, as I know of a high school program in another state where there is a cancerous movement among certain parents which has more to do with malcontent parents than malicious coach. And, I think such insight would greatly help in this particular thread.

 

[TamiAz]

Rocketeck never said anything close to your response. Instead, he stated that he expects his dd to advocate for herself. I can't speak for your situation but, to be honest and in my opinion, a parent doesn't help their child's situation by stepping in. As per myself, I will have that discussion with the parent in the Athletic Director's office. From there, if I now play that parent's child, it will give the green light to every other malcontent parent. So, the parent has made the situation worse for the player. Per the player, at times, the best advice that can be given is work harder. There are 9 starting spots and sometimes 10 depending upon how the coach wants to play it. So, the best play and often the rest complain. It is that simple.

I was referring to his comment that he would NEVER talk to a coach about his daughter's playing time..I was wondering if he would stay silent in those situations..That's all.

I don't agree with the "the best play and and often the rest complain". We have taught our daughter to work hard and compete for playing time and talk wither her coach. We don't expect her to be on the starting lineup. She is doing everything she is supposed to and, yet, nothing has changed. This is a kid who has played since she was 6 and has played every season since on very competitive teams throughout her softball career. She worked hard enough to get a scholarship to pitch in college and now she's not good enough to play on a high school team? When the team is up 10 -15 runs why not let other girls play?? He's not even allowing the girls that opportunity. How is that right? It's hight school ball for goodness sake.. If a kid goes to a coach to ask what she can do to improve to get playing time, the coach should give her specific feedback on what she's doing and how she can improve. Work harder is a cop out and tells me the coach doesn't have a clue. Be a coach and coach her. Communicate with her. Why is that so difficult? Why shouldn't that be expected of a coach? This is the first time she has ever had an issue with playing time and the team isn't stacked. I'm just trying to figure out the reasoning for a grown man to treat young girls this way...And it's not just my daughter.

We don't think things will change at this point and my daughter has accepted the fact she won't pitch or play third and will sit during her senior year, which sucks. She will continue to work hard and be the best teammate she can. A kid's playing time should be a result of her hard work and effort, not because her parents approached a coach.

 

[Phandle]

My DD is a 15yo sophomore on varsity and I as a parent would NEVER say anything about playing time to the head coach. High school kids need to learn how to handle certain situations and be an advocate for themselves in an adult world. Playing time and what player is better than another player is very subjective and the HC has every right to play whomever they want even if it looks like favoritism. Unfortunately your DD got injured and another player got her opportunity and has made the most of it. My advice would be work hard and have a good attitude to support the TEAM.

People are missing my point here. I am all for players communicating with the coach about play time and anything related to the game. In this particular situation or anytime if a parent approaches the coach regarding play time, why don't the coach tell the parent that they would rather talk directly. What I don't like is when the coach don't say anything to the parent but punish the kid for what the parent did.

 

[Cannonball]

People are missing my point here. I am all for players communicating with the coach about play time and anything related to the game. In this particular situation or anytime if a parent approaches the coach regarding play time, why don't the coach tell the parent that they would rather talk directly. What I don't like is when the coach don't say anything to the parent but punish the kid for what the parent did.

The simple answer to this is emotion. It goes both ways. The coach will feel like they are being attacked and the parent will not understand/agree with any reason that the coach mentions. I think I come at it a little differently than some coaches. I have had situations come to blows before with parents. The one attacked me from behind and even when I held him down and then released him, he came at me again as I walked away. Come to find out, he was under a restraining order and was not allowed to be close to his son. He kind of boiled up and made me the bad guy. He went to jail. One other is too tragic to mention but involved a drunk parent who went crazy because his son came out of the game. I had to physically remove him for the diamond. This also resulted in a parent going to jail. That is why I want an AD in the meeting.

 

[MNDad]

I think you’d have a better argument if you dropped the comparisons to the AD’s daughter. If she made second team all-district it’s not like the coach is putting a total stiff out there just because she’s the AD’s daughter. Including things like pictures during freshman year really aren’t relevant and make it look more like jealousy. I believe when you say your DD is the better player. Coming off of injury it might take her some time to get back to that level. Since it’s only March I’d assume there’s lots of season left. I don’t know many coaches who will sit an all-district CF if she’s at 100%. As another poster said, they may move her to LF or RF, but she’ll get back out there. I know it’s hard, but the best thing you can do is support your DD and let things work themselves out. I’ve been in similar situations and it sucks. Complaining to coaches or other parents isn’t going to help though. I hope things turn around for the rest of the season and your DD has a great career in college if she goes that route.

 

[BobInMadison]

..............................

 

[CoachJD]

I try my best to go with the flow as far as playing time, lineup/position changes. I do think my DD needs to talk to her coaches about that. What I find frustrating is when parents aren’t given schedule information directly. DD does not drive, so I have to be responsible for getting her from A to B, and she might not know of conflicts that exist with the family schedule.

If we're talking high school here, get the schedule information from your child. It's her responsibility to make sure she has transportation. It's her responsibility to communicate with you. That's absolutely not the coach's job.

I tell parents at our preseason meeting I'm happy to talk to them about anything but playing time, but I'm not going to go out of my way to make sure their daughters are giving them all the information. I have had parents occasionally reach out to me to ask about practice times early in the season when the times are fluid/dependent on weather and gym availability. I do my best to give them what they need, but my preference is they ask their daughter (who has the information already).

The only thing I prefer to discuss with parents is anything health/injury related.

 

[Holy Toledo!]

I think you’d have a better argument if you dropped the comparisons to the AD’s daughter. If she made second team all-district it’s not like the coach is putting a total stiff out there just because she’s the AD’s daughter. Including things like pictures during freshman year really aren’t relevant and make it look more like jealousy. I believe when you say your DD is the better player. Coming off of injury it might take her some time to get back to that level. Since it’s only March I’d assume there’s lots of season left. I don’t know many coaches who will sit an all-district CF if she’s at 100%. As another poster said, they may move her to LF or RF, but she’ll get back out there. I know it’s hard, but the best thing you can do is support your DD and let things work themselves out. I’ve been in similar situations and it sucks. Complaining to coaches or other parents isn’t going to help though. I hope things turn around for the rest of the season and your DD has a great career in college if she goes that route.

You know my argument is not so much with the AD's daughter but more with the HC. Apparently, it appears that we have a vendetta against the AD's daughter but my point was to provide enough information for someone here to give an opinion or share a similar experience. There's more to it but you're right - it starts to get watered down so what's the point. She's an athlete and not a total stiff but I truly believe she has been given an easier path and gets a push from the coaches under the AD.

I also truly believe that my daughter IS the better player. Yes, the injury was unfortunate but she is back to her normal self. Although frustrated, she has kept the level head and gone about her business. I would like to say that I certainly let her make her own decisions and pass the responsibility on her to ask the questions or pass on the comments. I have no problem with that. I know what people are saying about that here but I just think sometimes it has to go up a level. For me, it was this one time that I let the frustration get to me because it just didn't seem right with what was going on. I've already admitted my mistake but at the time I firmly believed it wouldn't have changed anything. It could have been a week later, with the AD, my daughter could have said it but it just wasn't going to change and it hasn't for now. I know that people here are against that here but you know otherwise I'm in the stands supporting her and the TEAM just like I have done all her softball life.

Your points are valid and thanks for sharing. I hope I get to see her out there soon. By the way, my DD elected not to play college softball although she had the opportunity. Just saying, there are two seniors on the team (one the AD's daughter ). As I mentioned before the HC knew this at the time. I would kind of think that the HC could show a little more support knowing it because she would have had a player going on to play college softball (the other two have other plans). Wouldn't that make a coach proud or provide a boost to the program since no other player has gone on to play college softball in the three years my DD has been playing. Well, that's not the case here. The HC here didn't even bother to discuss my DD's injury or health with us when the opportunity presented itself. My DD said she rarely even asked how she was doing.

 

[Holy Toledo!]

If we're talking high school here, get the schedule information from your child. It's her responsibility to make sure she has transportation. It's her responsibility to communicate with you. That's absolutely not the coach's job.

I tell parents at our preseason meeting I'm happy to talk to them about anything but playing time, but I'm not going to go out of my way to make sure their daughters are giving them all the information. I have had parents occasionally reach out to me to ask about practice times early in the season when the times are fluid/dependent on weather and gym availability. I do my best to give them what they need, but my preference is they ask their daughter (who has the information already).

The only thing I prefer to discuss with parents is anything health/injury related.

I'm curious to know about your second comment. Would you approach the parents to ask about an injury or even discuss it? In my DD's situation the HC has never discussed her injury with us or even bothered to make a positive (or negative) comment about it - "Glad to see her at practice again", "She's moving around pretty good", etc. She also rarely even asked my daughter about it. Yet, she apparently calls the trainer (who we are not seeing but is in the loop) if she should play her or not and trainer says now. Keep in mind my daughter had been medically cleared by an orthopedic and had made progress in private rehab (rehab facility), which they said she could play if she was not experiencing pain (she was not) and felt comfortable with her agility. This occurred just before the start of a game in a tournament as the players were coming off the field after taking outfield. The HC pulled my DD aside and told her in front of the players that she was not playing her because the trainer said. Frankly, my DD felt a little embarrassed and rejected at the point because she truly thought the was going to play a bit, not a lot, but a bit. She had been looking forward to that because of the hard work she had been putting forth in rehab. I personally feel that the HC should have communicated this to my daughter the previous day and not before the start of a game. I had a brief hello with the HC that same morning before the game and she could have even asked me or told me. Yes, my DD took the responsibility and provided all the documented information from the regular doctor, orthopedic and physical therapist to the HC about the injury.