I have been a rec ball /TB coach for the last three years and my DD and her BF have played Rec together every year. Last year her BF joined our TB team and has been a huge addition to our team. The problem is her attitude. When she strikes out she comes running in the dugout crying. When she has a throwing error in the field she immediately starts crying on the field. If she throws a wild pitch... you got it more crying. Her parents are friends of ours and I have tried to address this with them but they dismiss it as her being a perfectionist. As she gets older I feel she is only going to get worse if we can't solve this. Then who is going to want to coach or deal with her then?
Attitudes
- Thread starter CoachWill
- Start date
Welcome to Discuss Fastpitch
Your FREE Account is waiting to the Best Softball Community on the Web.
First, you decided to coach. And when you are coach you have to do things that you don't like to do. I suspect you already know what to do, but are reluctant to do so.
What you are allowing to happen is for this girl to become the focal point of your team. She is dominating the entire team by her behavior. No, she isn't screaming and yelling--but girls, being girls, know how to manipulate parents, other girls and coaches. (I'm not saying she is doing it deliberately. She learned somewhere that the way to control her environment is to cry. So, she gets hugs from her parents and teammates are all around saying, "It is OK, don't worry about it." You are probably hoping she doesn't commit an error just so the team doesn't have to go through the emotional turmoil of a sobbing girl.)
If she were a boy, and came into the dugout after an error and started screaming, what would you do? You would tell the parents, "This has to stop. If the behavior doesn't change, he is off the team."
But, because she is your DD's BF, because you are friends with her parents, and because she is a very good player on your team, you aren't addressing the problem.
You are a coach. You cannot spank her. You cannot scream at her. You cannot take away her allowance. You cannot make her go to bed without her supper. The only thing that you control is whether she plays.
So, if it were me, I would sit down with the parents and the child and say, "This has to end. The next time it happens, you are coming out of the game and you wont' play for the rest of the game. I'll give you three strikes, just like in softball. The third time it happens, you are off the team."
It sounds harsh, and it is. But, you have a bunch of other girls on the team that want to play softball, not listen to this girl throw a tantrum.
What you are allowing to happen is for this girl to become the focal point of your team. She is dominating the entire team by her behavior. No, she isn't screaming and yelling--but girls, being girls, know how to manipulate parents, other girls and coaches. (I'm not saying she is doing it deliberately. She learned somewhere that the way to control her environment is to cry. So, she gets hugs from her parents and teammates are all around saying, "It is OK, don't worry about it." You are probably hoping she doesn't commit an error just so the team doesn't have to go through the emotional turmoil of a sobbing girl.)
If she were a boy, and came into the dugout after an error and started screaming, what would you do? You would tell the parents, "This has to stop. If the behavior doesn't change, he is off the team."
But, because she is your DD's BF, because you are friends with her parents, and because she is a very good player on your team, you aren't addressing the problem.
You are a coach. You cannot spank her. You cannot scream at her. You cannot take away her allowance. You cannot make her go to bed without her supper. The only thing that you control is whether she plays.
So, if it were me, I would sit down with the parents and the child and say, "This has to end. The next time it happens, you are coming out of the game and you wont' play for the rest of the game. I'll give you three strikes, just like in softball. The third time it happens, you are off the team."
It sounds harsh, and it is. But, you have a bunch of other girls on the team that want to play softball, not listen to this girl throw a tantrum.
Last edited:
I wouldn't do the three strikes and she's out. She's still a little girl and this is rec ball. It's not going to happen overnight.
But I agree with the benching part. She needs to know this behavior is not acceptable and has consequences. So if she cries on the field call time and pull her straight off. If she comes running off the field crying after a strike out she's on the bench next game.
I had simillar issues as this girl at her age (not to this extreme though!) and my mother was my coach and that's how I got handled. There were times when I'd have my lip bleeding from biting it to avoid crying, but I wouldn't get benched in those situations, because it was recognised that I was trying to stop it. But if I gave into it, I was benched. It took my mum about half a season but it did work.
But I agree with the benching part. She needs to know this behavior is not acceptable and has consequences. So if she cries on the field call time and pull her straight off. If she comes running off the field crying after a strike out she's on the bench next game.
I had simillar issues as this girl at her age (not to this extreme though!) and my mother was my coach and that's how I got handled. There were times when I'd have my lip bleeding from biting it to avoid crying, but I wouldn't get benched in those situations, because it was recognised that I was trying to stop it. But if I gave into it, I was benched. It took my mum about half a season but it did work.
- Jul 26, 2010
- 3,554
- 0
You said she cries when she throws a wild pitch?
DON'T LET HER PITCH
When she stops the nonsense with the hitting and fielding, she gets to pitch again.
-W
DON'T LET HER PITCH
When she stops the nonsense with the hitting and fielding, she gets to pitch again.
-W
- Nov 29, 2009
- 2,975
- 83
There are two ways to deal with a crier. The first is to let them manipulate the situation by getting the attention they are looking for. That is what they want. You only exacerbate the situation by capitulating to the tears and it becomes a drain on the entire team.
The second way is what I do. I Ignore it. But it has to start at the very beginning from the first day of practice. You have to set down your feelings about crying. You have to make it clear that you don't want to see them boo hooing just because the stuck out, made an error or something along those lines. It must be made clear to them that mistakes are part of the game. Use them to learn from.
Once the season starts this is what I do. If I get one coming off of the field in tears I will stop them and ask them why they are crying. After getting the reason I tell them it's not worth crying over and to stop. If they continue with the tears I sit them, ignore them and put someone else in the game. After they figure out the tears have no effect on me the nonsense usually stops soon after that. What also happens is the other girls on the team start to ignore the tears as well. They will follow your lead, and it has to be consistent from the start. Crying's no longer a manipulation tool. You usually have a "mothering" type on the team who wants to make everything all better. You grab her and tell her to leave the crier alone.
The other part of the crier you need to address is the enabler in the family. If it's the mom, dad or both you need to have a sit down with them and tell them exactly what you're doing about the crying. They need to know they can't come running up to the dugout to "help" little Suzy every time she has a meltdown. Suzy also needs to know she can not leave the dugout and go running to mommy or daddy just because she struck out. The parents need to know that she must learn how to deal with ups and downs of the game. She has to learn how to handle a situation when she doesn't succeed. It has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with being a perfectionist.
Last season I had a girl who had an absolutely horrid game. She dropped a couple of routine fly balls, made a bad throw and struck out with the bases loaded and the winning run on 3rd. We ended up losing the game. After the post game meeting I saw her with her mother. She was having herself a good cry. I walked up to her and asked her why she was crying. I got the bad game scenario through the tears and the runny nose. I told to quit crying and stop feeling sorry for herself. I told her I don't want athletes on my team who feel sorry for themselves after a bad game. I want someone who is mad at themselves and is looking for another opportunity to prove she's better than the last game. I told her to get determined and show up ready to play the next game. Mom smiled and mouthed "Thank you." as was leaving to go to the next field. I never saw another tear out of her the rest of the season other than when she got drilled in the ribs with fastball.
The second way is what I do. I Ignore it. But it has to start at the very beginning from the first day of practice. You have to set down your feelings about crying. You have to make it clear that you don't want to see them boo hooing just because the stuck out, made an error or something along those lines. It must be made clear to them that mistakes are part of the game. Use them to learn from.
Once the season starts this is what I do. If I get one coming off of the field in tears I will stop them and ask them why they are crying. After getting the reason I tell them it's not worth crying over and to stop. If they continue with the tears I sit them, ignore them and put someone else in the game. After they figure out the tears have no effect on me the nonsense usually stops soon after that. What also happens is the other girls on the team start to ignore the tears as well. They will follow your lead, and it has to be consistent from the start. Crying's no longer a manipulation tool. You usually have a "mothering" type on the team who wants to make everything all better. You grab her and tell her to leave the crier alone.
The other part of the crier you need to address is the enabler in the family. If it's the mom, dad or both you need to have a sit down with them and tell them exactly what you're doing about the crying. They need to know they can't come running up to the dugout to "help" little Suzy every time she has a meltdown. Suzy also needs to know she can not leave the dugout and go running to mommy or daddy just because she struck out. The parents need to know that she must learn how to deal with ups and downs of the game. She has to learn how to handle a situation when she doesn't succeed. It has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with being a perfectionist.
Last season I had a girl who had an absolutely horrid game. She dropped a couple of routine fly balls, made a bad throw and struck out with the bases loaded and the winning run on 3rd. We ended up losing the game. After the post game meeting I saw her with her mother. She was having herself a good cry. I walked up to her and asked her why she was crying. I got the bad game scenario through the tears and the runny nose. I told to quit crying and stop feeling sorry for herself. I told her I don't want athletes on my team who feel sorry for themselves after a bad game. I want someone who is mad at themselves and is looking for another opportunity to prove she's better than the last game. I told her to get determined and show up ready to play the next game. Mom smiled and mouthed "Thank you." as was leaving to go to the next field. I never saw another tear out of her the rest of the season other than when she got drilled in the ribs with fastball.
Last edited:
Some girls and boys cry because one parent or another is going to berate them, as soon as they get ahold of them.
It usually starts with a walk or two then she puts pressure on herself and melts down. Resulting in a wild pitch and then the crying.
- Jun 22, 2008
- 3,438
- 48
Which, IMO, is ludicrous that it even exists.
