Attitudes
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- Jul 26, 2010
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Doesn't matter. You're not letting her pitch because of her behavior, not because of her ability. This is what you have to learn. You HAVE to be able to bench even your best player when she does something wrong. You HAVE to be able to keep even your best pitcher out of the circle until she proves leadership.
Pitchers are leaders, and you're not being fair to the rest of the team by putting such a poor role-model in the circle.
-W
Every kid is different. I had a girl on a team I coached who cried when she got a hit. It was her way of handling just about every emotion. If the coaches don't react to it and it doesn't affect how anyone plays, whats the big deal? If you have a girl who is crying for the attention, then you do need to deal with that. But every player is different so there is no cut and dried solution.
One thing posted on this thread got to me a bit. A girl crying after the game and after the after game meeting, gets berated by the coach? That's wrong.
My daughter is a very hard worker, she puts everything into the game. She is the type who runs into a fence to make the play. She is also her very own worse critic, when she isn't happy with her performance she is out for extra practice she isn't looking for pity. In all her years of playing sports I saw her cry in a dugout once. She had a bad game and her team lost. It was a team loss 7-1. No one play and no one girl to point at as the reason. But it was her worst game of the year. So there she was crying in the dugout, upset with her own play, and the coach told her. "Stop crying, I want winners on this team" I don't expect my girl to be coddled but I also don't expect her to be insulted for having an emotional moment. Two years on that team and she was the player who did everything they asked. The year previous she gave up pitching for the last half to catch when the #1 catcher got hurt, She caught 20 games in 9 days in July for that team, and loved it. Last year she was the primary pitcher and pitched more the half the team's innings, plus caught when needed. And in one emotional moment she was told she is not a winner. Coaches need to remember that these are kids, playing a game. You want them to be robots, but it doesn't work that way. A player needs to understand that the next pitch is more important then the last one, as long as they can do that during the game whats the difference what they do later?
One thing posted on this thread got to me a bit. A girl crying after the game and after the after game meeting, gets berated by the coach? That's wrong.
My daughter is a very hard worker, she puts everything into the game. She is the type who runs into a fence to make the play. She is also her very own worse critic, when she isn't happy with her performance she is out for extra practice she isn't looking for pity. In all her years of playing sports I saw her cry in a dugout once. She had a bad game and her team lost. It was a team loss 7-1. No one play and no one girl to point at as the reason. But it was her worst game of the year. So there she was crying in the dugout, upset with her own play, and the coach told her. "Stop crying, I want winners on this team" I don't expect my girl to be coddled but I also don't expect her to be insulted for having an emotional moment. Two years on that team and she was the player who did everything they asked. The year previous she gave up pitching for the last half to catch when the #1 catcher got hurt, She caught 20 games in 9 days in July for that team, and loved it. Last year she was the primary pitcher and pitched more the half the team's innings, plus caught when needed. And in one emotional moment she was told she is not a winner. Coaches need to remember that these are kids, playing a game. You want them to be robots, but it doesn't work that way. A player needs to understand that the next pitch is more important then the last one, as long as they can do that during the game whats the difference what they do later?
Maybe because it makes people think its ok to toss a 9 year old girl off of a team because she cried 3 times.
This fall our best, biggest and Team leader started crying when she came off the field after pitching a bad inning, she was in her mother’s arms. I asked the Father what was going on. He said that she was sick and hindsight should not have come to the game. After their DD settled down she said bye to the Team and went home. If anything her esteem with the girls on the Team went up.
My DD is not a crier in public so as a father I do not have much experience and am not certain about the following.
We had a crier on our Team last year and, like mentioned above, she manipulated the entire team. My DD , and I am sure the other girls on the Team, tried to protect her so she would not cry. I could tell my DD got nervous catching a ball throw from her.
I agree it is unacceptable but this is something a manager or coach cannot fix, this is a parent thing.
You need to sit down with her parents and explain her behavior is unacceptable and why. I would not have their DD involved in the initial conversation so it can become heated if it needs to. Basically the girl needs develop another outlet for her frustration then crying. You need to come out of this conversation with a plan to try and change her behavior. Going into the conversation I would suggest she is done pitching, and she is off the field if she cries. Most opposing Managers are reasonable. Before the game give them a brief explanation of the Issue and let them know what you are trying to do. I know that it a hassle but they are worth it.
If the behavior continues and she cries for no reason she needs to sit in the bleachers for the rest on the game.
If the behavior continues and she cries for no reason she needs to leave the field and go home.
If the behavior continues and she cries for no reason, off the Team.
You need to be patient because any plan you come up with is going to apply more pressure to a girl that already cries. You need to take it slow.
My DD is not a crier in public so as a father I do not have much experience and am not certain about the following.
We had a crier on our Team last year and, like mentioned above, she manipulated the entire team. My DD , and I am sure the other girls on the Team, tried to protect her so she would not cry. I could tell my DD got nervous catching a ball throw from her.
I agree it is unacceptable but this is something a manager or coach cannot fix, this is a parent thing.
You need to sit down with her parents and explain her behavior is unacceptable and why. I would not have their DD involved in the initial conversation so it can become heated if it needs to. Basically the girl needs develop another outlet for her frustration then crying. You need to come out of this conversation with a plan to try and change her behavior. Going into the conversation I would suggest she is done pitching, and she is off the field if she cries. Most opposing Managers are reasonable. Before the game give them a brief explanation of the Issue and let them know what you are trying to do. I know that it a hassle but they are worth it.
If the behavior continues and she cries for no reason she needs to sit in the bleachers for the rest on the game.
If the behavior continues and she cries for no reason she needs to leave the field and go home.
If the behavior continues and she cries for no reason, off the Team.
You need to be patient because any plan you come up with is going to apply more pressure to a girl that already cries. You need to take it slow.
Girls cry...10 year old girls cry more.
I have a policy... when a girl cries she needs to go sit down in a quiet corner of the dug out and get herself together. She does not go back into the game until she does. Everyone is to leave her alone until she can get her feelings under control. No teammates and no parents.
We call it a "personal" corner. It is part of training and every one knows in advance the rules for the personal corner. It's not a punishment and it takes the attention off of her.
I have used this technique every year and it really eliminates the drama around a crier. Eventually they just stop doing it because they do not get any attention and a reward is they go back into the game when they get their feelings under control.
Anyway that's what works for me.
I have a policy... when a girl cries she needs to go sit down in a quiet corner of the dug out and get herself together. She does not go back into the game until she does. Everyone is to leave her alone until she can get her feelings under control. No teammates and no parents.
We call it a "personal" corner. It is part of training and every one knows in advance the rules for the personal corner. It's not a punishment and it takes the attention off of her.
I have used this technique every year and it really eliminates the drama around a crier. Eventually they just stop doing it because they do not get any attention and a reward is they go back into the game when they get their feelings under control.
Anyway that's what works for me.
- May 25, 2010
- 1,070
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That you considered the coach's brand of encouragement an 'insult' is a you problem.
"Quit crying, you loser!" is not what he said, nor was that the intended meaning behind his statement.
It was a bad day for the team and it sounds like he wanted her to suck it up and prepare to move on to the next challenge, but even though he made his position clear - which is fine - he also has to allow his players to express emotions after the game. In fact, many coaches would want a team full of players who have so much passion for the game and for winning that they can't just flip the 'off' switch because the game is over.
Kids who hate performing poorly can go on to do great things as adults.
Heaven help for anyone between me and my DD if she is crying.
- Oct 25, 2009
- 3,335
- 48
I saw a similar scenario on The First 48 Hours the other night.
