Another request for help from a coach...

[InTheCrowd]

I have another question and I have to admit this board is full of great advise. This one is a little more personal but here it goes.

How can you refocus a player after a major tragedy?

DD found out last night that a good close friend of hers committed suicide. She is obviously upset, grieving, crying, etc. It's a difficult time. The friend is out-of-state and she can't go to the funeral or anything. I'm know life is far more important than softball and I'm not trying to trivialize her friend's death or anything. I know she needs time to go through the process and that's not a problem.

Any suggestions?

 

[Lozza]

First off *hugs* for you and your daughter. It's a terrible tragedy and I'm so sorry you have to go through it.

We had something simillar happen when I was around 15. One of the girls from our 'sister club' on the other side of the state committed suicide. I don't remember anyone stopping practising or playing, but we did wear black armbands for the rest of the season and the first game we had two minutes of silence for her.

I barely knew her, but the girls who were very close with her I remember their parents just let them talk. That's probably my best advice, just let her talk it out and take your cues from her on training.

 

[sluggers]

Inthecrowd, as you know, there is no magic solution. Like Lozza said, listening to her is very important.

It might help to spend some some time "enjoying" softball time with her. When kids get to a certain level, the game is more mechanical, and sometimes we don't spend as much time "being in the moment" and just enjoying softball for what it is.

Perhaps go back to when she first started playing softball, and go through some of those very elementary and elemental parts of the game. Play pitch and catch with her, go to the batting cages with her, relive some old victories and losses...re-experience the game. Go to a couple of college level games, and share the experience.

 

[SoftSocDad]

I'm really sorry for your daughter's loss.

In addition to listening to her, be mindful of the fact that we all grieve differently. Maintaining as much normalcy as possible works for me, but may not be what works for her. Obviously, school is important, so she may have to compartmentalize the grief in order to manage her studies, but beyond that, give her as much time as she needs, because as she does need to figure out for herself how she will deal with loss in her life.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Inthecrowd, There is no way, you can get her to the services?

We lost a pitcher to a car accident, a few years ago. It was and is awful.

It would not be out of the ordinary to seek professional advice for your DD. She needs to talk. Also, people reading this need to educate themselves about the possibility of the "choking game," with athletes. Google it if you are unfamiliar with it. Unless the girl left a note, you can never be certain.

 

[starsnuffer]

I'm really sorry to hear this, Inthecrowd, and I wish your daughter and the victims family all the best.

I had a girlfriend commit suicide when I was 15 (I was a military brat and we had just been restationed). It messed me up for about 2 years, and the only thing I can tell you is to NOT do what I did, which was to just "move on". Talk to her, listen to her, consider counseling for her. Just be there for her, even if it means putting softball in the back seat for a while.

-W

 

[amanda_cake]

Make sure you talk about the situation with her. I'm sure she's devastated. However, she's got one of the best things in the world to help her get her mind off things--softball. Unlike some kids, she's got time in the day where she leaves all of her problems at the gate and just plays, hopefully because she loves being there. I've gotten through a lot of things because I've been able to have something that helped me get myself together. I like to think everyone is blessed with an amazing group of girls, just like I am. If she is, they should be able to provide her with support to get through this.

 

[Coach JV]

Open communication is most important!
Like Ray has indicated-enjoy the SB time.
My daughter has always used her time in the dirt
to kind of 'get away from it all' respect this and
use this time to let her open-up during this difficult time

 

[InTheCrowd]

Thanks all. Yesterday was a tough day for her. We made her go to school (she had been sick and already missed a couple of days this week) thinking it would keep her occupied so she wouldn't dwell on it. She did talk with us and the school counselor. They also had a game yesterday after school. You could tell she wasn't all there but she played okay. The team got mercied in 5 innings. But she seemed lighter afterward. A friend came over later that evening and they talked as well.

It boggles my mind that a young kid could feel so hopeless that they take their own life. I truly can't imagine that.

The kid lives in another state now, they met a some concerts and kept in touch via facebook, texting, and stuff. There's no way practical way to make it to the funeral.

But thanks again for the advice and the well wishes.

 

[obbay]

I'm sorry for her loss. Growing up can have some really tough times. Her friend obviously had too many. I knew a girl who was Manic-depressive. took Lithium, I think, to stay balanced. in her early 20's she tried to get off lithium and wound up taking her own life. before this happened we had no idea. she always seemed so upbeat and together. you never know what demons kids are fighting on the inside.