I know everyone gets sick of the HS coach threads. I do, too. But here’s a story that needs to be shared. This is a long one.
A Freshman I know just quit her HS team last week. She’s been playing for the HS coach since she was in fifth grade. He obviously knows how talented she is, but that didn’t seem to matter.
Despite her ability, the coach put her on the JV team with almost a dozen girls who had no softball experience prior to this year. Girls in her grade who have not been playing as long and who are not as good made the varsity team over her.
She’s come home from practice every day she goes upset and complaining about being stuck on JV. She knows she’s better than some of the girls on the varsity team, and she can’t understand what the coach has against her.
When she talked to the coach and said she was unhappy and didn’t want to be on the JV team, the coach explained to her that she would get opportunities when she earned them by showing up to practice every day, working hard, and getting her grades up. That was the last practice/team event she attended, though she didn’t actually quit until the next week.
Even though the coach has known the girl for many years, for some reason he was holding her back. He even coached her older sister when she was in high school, so it’s hard to understand why he’s doing this to her.
High School coaches can do whatever they want, and in this case, the coach made a girl who loved playing not want to play anymore.
Sound familiar?
The difference with this story is you actually get the coach’s side of the story.
This player missed four of the first five days of the season. She attended the first day, then missed two days for a death in the family. Those absences were obviously excused. She no-showed Thursday/Friday of the first week despite being in school. Neither she nor her mother contacted me about it. If it was related to the death in the family, I still have no idea. Team rules state that not notifying coaches of an absence means the absence is unexcused.
Because of all the time missed, we were unable to evaluate her properly. Other girls performed very well during the first week and passed her up, but even more important, she’s a catcher and the JV team needed a catcher. She probably is more talented than one or two of the Varsity bench players, but those girls fill a particular role that she wouldn’t fill.
She could’ve been put on the varsity team despite missing all those practices (what a bad message that would send to the rest of the team), but she’s the third-best catcher and the second-best third baseman and she pouts and complains if she has to play anywhere else. Two years ago, she left a playoff game the team won immediately after it ended because she was upset she didn’t get enough playing time, so there’s a history of her not handling these situations well.
She was put on the JV team and made a captain along with the two other girls who have experience to help mentor all the new girls. JV players get called up all the time, and in the meeting with her, she was told that she would have the opportunity to be with the varsity team if she worked her and earned that opportunity.
Over the next four weeks, she missed nine more practices/team events before leaving the team. Most of those were no-shows. One was because family was in town and she, in her words, “decided to just stay home.” During much of this time, she was failing four classes, so she wasn’t eligible to play anyway.
About a week before she quit the team, her mother sent an all caps email complaining about the player not being on the varsity team, accusing me of “holding her back,” and saying she would not be available to fill in for the varsity team when needed. She also said she would not be attending a mandatory team event (a varsity game in Rosemont at the Bandits/Athletes Unlimited stadium).
She didn’t even tell me she was leaving the team. Another girl on the team had to ask if she was still on the team, and at that point she said no. I have a policy that players who want to leave the team are to inform the team of that at a team meeting. A meeting was called specifically to give her the opportunity to do so, and she no-showed.
The entire situation is disappointing. A player with potential repeatedly did the exact wrong thing, put herself ahead of the team, didn’t do what was asked of her, and worst of all, has a parent whose sense of entitlement led to her giving terrible guidance. I gave her the longest possible leash, but I could see where this was headed. The really sad part is that I know she and her mom think they’ve really made some kind of point, but we have a good, close team, and if you’re not going to show up and be part of the group, they’re not going to be bothered by your absence. The team is going to survive and thrive without her. She is the only one missing out, so I hope she realizes that and comes back next year (I won’t turn her away, but she obviously has a lot of work to do to get the spot she thinks she deserves).
Perspective is important. When I read all these threads about awful HS coaches, I wonder how many of them leave out all the important parts of the story. I wonder how many of them just don’t know the entire story. Everything posted at the beginning of this post is true, and yet, so much was left out.
A Freshman I know just quit her HS team last week. She’s been playing for the HS coach since she was in fifth grade. He obviously knows how talented she is, but that didn’t seem to matter.
Despite her ability, the coach put her on the JV team with almost a dozen girls who had no softball experience prior to this year. Girls in her grade who have not been playing as long and who are not as good made the varsity team over her.
She’s come home from practice every day she goes upset and complaining about being stuck on JV. She knows she’s better than some of the girls on the varsity team, and she can’t understand what the coach has against her.
When she talked to the coach and said she was unhappy and didn’t want to be on the JV team, the coach explained to her that she would get opportunities when she earned them by showing up to practice every day, working hard, and getting her grades up. That was the last practice/team event she attended, though she didn’t actually quit until the next week.
Even though the coach has known the girl for many years, for some reason he was holding her back. He even coached her older sister when she was in high school, so it’s hard to understand why he’s doing this to her.
High School coaches can do whatever they want, and in this case, the coach made a girl who loved playing not want to play anymore.
Sound familiar?
The difference with this story is you actually get the coach’s side of the story.
This player missed four of the first five days of the season. She attended the first day, then missed two days for a death in the family. Those absences were obviously excused. She no-showed Thursday/Friday of the first week despite being in school. Neither she nor her mother contacted me about it. If it was related to the death in the family, I still have no idea. Team rules state that not notifying coaches of an absence means the absence is unexcused.
Because of all the time missed, we were unable to evaluate her properly. Other girls performed very well during the first week and passed her up, but even more important, she’s a catcher and the JV team needed a catcher. She probably is more talented than one or two of the Varsity bench players, but those girls fill a particular role that she wouldn’t fill.
She could’ve been put on the varsity team despite missing all those practices (what a bad message that would send to the rest of the team), but she’s the third-best catcher and the second-best third baseman and she pouts and complains if she has to play anywhere else. Two years ago, she left a playoff game the team won immediately after it ended because she was upset she didn’t get enough playing time, so there’s a history of her not handling these situations well.
She was put on the JV team and made a captain along with the two other girls who have experience to help mentor all the new girls. JV players get called up all the time, and in the meeting with her, she was told that she would have the opportunity to be with the varsity team if she worked her and earned that opportunity.
Over the next four weeks, she missed nine more practices/team events before leaving the team. Most of those were no-shows. One was because family was in town and she, in her words, “decided to just stay home.” During much of this time, she was failing four classes, so she wasn’t eligible to play anyway.
About a week before she quit the team, her mother sent an all caps email complaining about the player not being on the varsity team, accusing me of “holding her back,” and saying she would not be available to fill in for the varsity team when needed. She also said she would not be attending a mandatory team event (a varsity game in Rosemont at the Bandits/Athletes Unlimited stadium).
She didn’t even tell me she was leaving the team. Another girl on the team had to ask if she was still on the team, and at that point she said no. I have a policy that players who want to leave the team are to inform the team of that at a team meeting. A meeting was called specifically to give her the opportunity to do so, and she no-showed.
The entire situation is disappointing. A player with potential repeatedly did the exact wrong thing, put herself ahead of the team, didn’t do what was asked of her, and worst of all, has a parent whose sense of entitlement led to her giving terrible guidance. I gave her the longest possible leash, but I could see where this was headed. The really sad part is that I know she and her mom think they’ve really made some kind of point, but we have a good, close team, and if you’re not going to show up and be part of the group, they’re not going to be bothered by your absence. The team is going to survive and thrive without her. She is the only one missing out, so I hope she realizes that and comes back next year (I won’t turn her away, but she obviously has a lot of work to do to get the spot she thinks she deserves).
Perspective is important. When I read all these threads about awful HS coaches, I wonder how many of them leave out all the important parts of the story. I wonder how many of them just don’t know the entire story. Everything posted at the beginning of this post is true, and yet, so much was left out.
