Am I being too strict on my rec players?

[Momo'sDad]

I know that some people - young or old, male or female - are generally more sensitive than others.

I was wrong in the way I managed the situation, but I do not see anything wrong my policy against players chit-chatting with friends and family outside the dugout during games.

The player did later apologize to me for what she did (grandmother gave her a muffin, so she decided to snack), but although I told her we were cool and not to worry about it or take it personally, my tone was only a little contrite and I did not express an apology to her. That's on me, and I will try to make that right tomorrow. I wasn't short or dismissive, I just don't think I gave her what she needed at that moment.

My case: I want the players totally focused during games, because their safety is my primary concern. I notified the parents of this before the season and put it in writing.

If a kid is diabetic, let us know. If you see that a kid needs water or to be cooled off immediately, let us know.

If your kid has behavioral issues or has trouble focusing, let me know.

At the start, one parent did let me know what to watch for or what I might experience with their child and gave me a suggestion on handling it. We haven't had any problems whatsoever.

Now, a parent is upset with me and thinks my policy is wrong. She understands the emphasis on safety and tells me she wants her DD to learn how to compete, but feels that the players should be able to converse with friends and family when not in the game.

The team we played yesterday hit 2 home runs. These were not ground balls that kept rolling. These were shots. Most teams won't, but they hit us hard and often. I admit to being more protective than normal, but was actually less intense overall because we had no chance of beating this team.

 

[sluggers]

Now, a parent is upset with me and thinks my policy is wrong. She understands the emphasis on safety and tells me she wants her DD to learn how to compete, but feels that the players should be able to converse with friends and family when not in the game..

Coaches should have Stinger missiles so they can shoot down helicopter parents..."Oh no, I can't talk to my precious baby for 90 minutes!" Holy cow, what next? Does the mother want her child to stick a cellphone in her helmet so she can call her if she gets on base?

You are right, the parent is wrong. Sports is a way to start letting the child grow up. The purpose of sports, if you want to get real scientific, is allow child do things independent of the parents in a structured environment. The child has a failure or success in sports, and the child looks to her team rather than her family for support. It is practice for becoming an adult.

Most parents get it. This one doesn't.

 

[Arm and Hammer]

I prefer to call it well disciplined rather then strict. I have several rules, policies and expectations of my players and parents. I outline them and discuss them at the parents meeting prior to the start of the season. In the dugout, there will be no food (including sunflower seeds), no visits from friends or parents, no horseplay; they must pay attention to the game and cheer. They can learn just as much from watching as playing. The fewer the distractions the better off they are. Rec ball or not, it’s my job to teach them and I can’t do that if they are not paying attention. IMO, this just represents a chance to develop character that is, in some cases, sorely needed. I look at it as, offering an extra curricular service to the undisciplined child and and/or parent at no extra charge! They can thank me later.

 

[Momo'sDad]

Appreciate the support for what we're trying to accomplish here.

The parent was very thoughtful and respectful in the way she presented her case to me and I did respond in kind, making sure that she understood that I was taking full ownership of my mistake, and that I would apologize privately to her daughter without making a big deal about the incident to her team. I was bothered by the fact that I'd hurt this player's feelings to the extent that it wasn't forgotten when she left the field following the game. Because she and I have such a great bond, what seems to have happened is that she was upset over the fact that she'd disappointed me, not that I'd told her to get rid of the snack.

At the same time, I re-emphasized why safety - which starts with paying attention when balls are flying around at 40+ mph - has to be such a priority. Besides, a child has never not been excused who really needed to step out of the dugout during a game (to grab a sweatshirt, hit the restroom, whatever).

End of the day, parent still doesn't really like that one part of my structured environment, but does agree that it's best for all involved. I spoke to Mom at the start of practice and we were quickly on the same page and I did apologize to the player this evening after practice (we'd had a great session and I felt forgiven before I even said anything to her).

All's well that ends well.

 

[InsidePitch]

I think you are being too strict on Rec players. Rec is supposed to be fun, safe but fun first. I wouldn't allow someone not on the team in the dugout but if a mom, dad or friend wants to say good hit or give a drink, please go ahead. Travel ball players still play rec to be with their friends from school who aren't as good or as dedicated. Without this being fun you lose both groups and your programs will suffer. If this was travel ball I'd kind of agree with you.

As for seeds in the dugout...really? No one eats more seeds than me and I spit them on the field when coaching 3rd. To my teams seeds are part of the tradition of ball among other things. FWIW, we do police the dugout at the end of the game.

 

[KevinC]

For rec ball I think you need to pick your battles and this is one that I choose not to fight. If someone wanders out of the dugout I gently steer them back in. If they're not paying attention I point out something that just happened. If they stop cheering I ask them why it's so quiet. This gentle approach works for me and for the most part the girls are paying attention. Try to get one of the parents to be your dugout enforcer so you don't have to worry about this stuff.

 

[coachtucc]

Here is an agreement I use with all the parents...players and coaches...it works well!!

SOFTBALL AGREEMENT
The following regulations are to make sure that everyone (the coaches, players and parents) is on the same page regarding the philosophies and practices of the softball team. By signing this agreement, you the player and your parents are agreeing to abide by these rules set forth in this document. Not abiding by these rules will lead to decreased playing time and eventual removal from the team without refund.
PLAYERS
I, ____________________________, agree to the following:

1. I will make all practices and games. If you cannot make a game or a practice, you or a parent will call the head coach so that he can plan a practice accordingly.
2. I will be on time. Being on time lets me warm up properly and helps me be ready for a great practice or game..
3. I will listen to the coaches when they are instructing so I, the player, can optimize my learning of the skill being taught.
4. If I am unsure of something, I will ask a coach.
5. I will not use foul language.
6. I will strive to improve in all aspects of the game and will always do my best.
7. I will always use good sportsmanship and always support my teammates.

PARENTS
I, ______________________________, agree to the following:

1. I will not talk to the coaches during a game or a practice.
2. I will always encourage my daughter and the other players on the team.
3. I will root for my daughter and the team.
4. I will not speak in a derogatory way about other players on the team or the opposing team.
5. I will not yell at the umpires over a bad call.
6.I will not talk to my daughter during the game and while she is on the bench
COACHES
I, Coach Anthony Vertuccio, agree to the following:
1. I will always have a practice plan in place.
2. I will give as much one to one instruction as possible and as needed.
3. I will always encourage the players.
4. I will make myself available for any parent after all games and practices.
5. I will not scream or yell at any player but talk to them, on the side, one to one.

Coach____________________________________________________


Player____________________________________________________


Parent____________________________________________________

 

[nanotech14]

Rec ball is for most girls about having fun and at the age girls you are working with thats what 99% of those girls are there for. In another post you talked about all the walks and that you think they sould use a tee. Well if it is bad as you say it is then let them have some fun. TB is a totally another story , thats were mom,and dad need to sit and cheer.Rec. ball ,let them have fun but also they do need some rules. But gramma giving Susie a snack , maybe next time she will have one for you and the whole team.Whats next no cheers allowed? Break out a bucket of seeds too, those girls will want to play hard for you if you lighten up. Thats my 2 cents worth

 

[Momo'sDad]

Thankfully, we haven't had any bad injuries all season, but we did have a scary moment recently a player got hit in the head with a ball thrown by a teammate at practice. She was fine, but was out of action for about 10 minutes. The ball that hit her was thrown by our smallest player (one of our 8u girls playing up). What if it had been thrown by one of the bigger,stronger 10-year olds? What if she'd turned at just the wrong time and taken it in the eye instead?

We were doing a simple infield drill, and the girl got hit because she turned to say something to a teammate who was not involved in the play.

I know that know amount of protections can prevent anything from ever happening, and I agree that rec ought to be fun, but when you've got a mixture of strong athletes and weaker ones, safety is at least tantamount to all else. Ideally, safety precautions are practiced without fail to the point that they no longer require any conscious thought.

 

[nanotech14]

It is good that you are thinking about saftey,but a player could get hurt walking to the field. In every sport you have weaker kids and stroger kids playing together.You can't worry about everything,kids are going to get hurt, it is what it is.Safety precautions only go so far,with or with out thought. The safes way, to not get hurt in sports is just don't play.