Parents: leave your child alone when she pitches.

[Bonesaw]

You should probly extend this post to include everyone. If something needs to be said beyond "you got this", call time and walk out there.

 

[sluggers]

Ray, how long did it take you to learn this lesson yourself? Did you start off like the dad you described or did you keep it low key from the start?

I never got as bad as that guy, but I might have. I stopped coaching my DD's team when she turned 16YOA--which, coincidentally (??) was the same year she became "good".

That year, we finally found good PC named Ed Serdar. Ed had been an A-level pitcher in Chicagoland back in the day when they had stadiums built specifically for men's fastpitch. At the time he was a PC, he had the top travel softball team in Chicagoland, coached 3 or 4 Olympians, coached a college team, etc.​

When my DD started going to Ed, she became much, much better. She went from mediocre to top-shelf in perhaps three months. (The talent had been there, the work ethic had been there...but the coaching wasn't.)

My DD didn't play for Ed's team (she wasn't good enough), so Ed and I became friends. He explained to me the "pitcher-parent paradox":

For a pitcher to become good, there has to be a crazy parent who will put in a ridiculous amount of time and money into developing the kid. BUT, that same crazy parent will ruin a kid if he doesn't let go.​

He said this: "Your DD looks up to you. Of course, she is going to try to do what you tell her...she's a great kid. But, she's pitched hundreds of softball games, faced thousands of batters, and you don't know how to pitch. She knows more about pitching than you do, so STFU." (I did learn how to pitch...when I was at my best, I could probably have pitched for 12U-C team.)

I still caught her for practice and came up with stuff to keep her interested during practice. But, during a game, I stood along the LF line and gritted my teeth. I still was a nervous wreck and I still wanted to help her, but I did what was best for her, not me.

As an FYI, I watched my DD's last college game from CF.

 

[GIMNEPIWO]

A few years back the DW and I were watching our DD's at a HS away game ... The field has an embankment behind the back stop where spectators will sometimes stand or pitch a blanket to watch the game ... Standing on that embankment was a guy / opposing coach we knew from REC ball ... As the game went on, DW notices / believes he is having some sort of medical emergency (body spasms - seizure - contortions - tourette syndrome) and tells me (with my EMT experience) that I should go check on him ... I had to inform her that he is okay; it's just that his daughter was pitching ... LOL

 

[LEsoftballdad]

I used to coach both of my daughters, but I learned long ago it was better to enjoy from the sidelines than it was to have a heart attack in the dugout. We had what I refer to as a softball divorce. That's not to say I don't get agita in the outfield, but now my words during the game are limited to positive ones.

 

[_MIA_]

If I don’t feel like I can contain myself (eg I feel anxious in general) I just don’t go anymore. Probably 2/3 of the time..

 

[PJR202]

I am not pushing back on this but, does this opinion or idea change if the Dad is also the coach? We all know the fine line that the Father/coach walks. Does coaching your kid change the way you talk to her on the field? If so, how?

As a lesson parent, I never once said anything to her. I was paying someone else to do that in his own time and way. It frustrated me on occasion to see her not doing something she knew to do, but a lesson with someone else is a different platform or mindset for her so I don't expect her to remember newly established patterns.

I definitely would go over and ask him questions maybe once every other lesson. It's my job to reinforce through the week and he encouraged me to pipe up if I needed to understand something better.


I was her coach for three years in MS and I'm on the field a lot with the HS kids in one capacity or another. I'm the closest thing the entire program has to a pitching coach and I've worked with most of the kids at some point if not regularly.

I do feel conflicted some when I'm a spectator when I see her fall into one of her common flaws. She's only in her second year of pitching and it's JV, which are almost comically relaxed environment. She's had one varsity start and I didn't say anything.

I listened to legendary Russian weightlfting coach Pavel Tsatsouline on Joe Rogan a few years ago. He was talking about instruction from beside the platform during competition, and that an athlete cpuld only EFFECTIVELY absorb one piece of information in that environment, so he wpuld say something like "big pull." I've tried to always use that technique when instructing.

As a coach I had three hand signals. As a parent (and her only instructor now) I have two, two word phrases and I may say each one a maximum of twice in a game, but usually just once or not at all. She has no other instruction from the dugout and no pitch calling from the dugout, the catcher, or me. That's not by my request. They just don't know pitching mechanics and she only has two pitches. I've taught her not to look for me or acknowledge when I say something. The phrases are meaningless to pretty much everyone else.

I've been tapering off the key words as well because she's actually starting to tell me how things went, and critique herself accurately. That's been our goal from the start. To be her own coach and support system. Really, since this thread is here, I think I'll just drop them altogether. I think she's as close as she'll get to being ready anyway.

Outside of this, I am by far the quietest parent at the game. I yell no hitting tips, and no words of encouragement when she or anyone else is down. I will cheer a strikeout and the occasional strike when she's down in the count, but you'll NEVER hear me say "that's ok" or "you got this" kind of stuff. I think those are the most damaging things a pitcher (or hitter) can hear. It's essentially acknowledging that she's struggling, and people (and her infielders) will start doing it after ONE ball. I don't shush anyone for it, though. It's hers to process and compartmentalize at that point.

 

[_MIA_]

As a lesson parent, I never once said anything to her. I was paying someone else to do that in his own time and way. It frustrated me on occasion to see her not doing something she knew to do, but a lesson with someone else is a different platform or mindset for her so I don't expect her to remember newly established patterns.

I definitely would go over and ask him questions maybe once every other lesson. It's my job to reinforce through the week and he encouraged me to pipe up if I needed to understand something better.


I was her coach for three years in MS and I'm on the field a lot with the HS kids in one capacity or another. I'm the closest thing the entire program has to a pitching coach and I've worked with most of the kids at some point if not regularly.

I do feel conflicted some when I'm a spectator when I see her fall into one of her common flaws. She's only in her second year of pitching and it's JV, which are almost comically relaxed environment. She's had one varsity start and I didn't say anything.

I listened to legendary Russian weightlfting coach Pavel Tsatsouline on Joe Rogan a few years ago. He was talking about instruction from beside the platform during competition, and that an athlete cpuld only EFFECTIVELY absorb one piece of information in that environment, so he wpuld say something like "big pull." I've tried to always use that technique when instructing.

As a coach I had three hand signals. As a parent (and her only instructor now) I have two, two word phrases and I may say each one a maximum of twice in a game, but usually just once or not at all. She has no other instruction from the dugout and no pitch calling from the dugout, the catcher, or me. That's not by my request. They just don't know pitching mechanics and she only has two pitches. I've taught her not to look for me or acknowledge when I say something. The phrases are meaningless to pretty much everyone else.

I've been tapering off the key words as well because she's actually starting to tell me how things went, and critique herself accurately. That's been our goal from the start. To be her own coach and support system. Really, since this thread is here, I think I'll just drop them altogether. I think she's as close as she'll get to being ready anyway.

Outside of this, I am by far the quietest parent at the game. I yell no hitting tips, and no words of encouragement when she or anyone else is down. I will cheer a strikeout and the occasional strike when she's down in the count, but you'll NEVER hear me say "that's ok" or "you got this" kind of stuff. I think those are the most damaging things a pitcher (or hitter) can hear. It's essentially acknowledging that she's struggling, and people (and her infielders) will start doing it after ONE ball. I don't shush anyone for it, though. It's hers to process and compartmentalize at that point.

Do you get paid by the word?

 

[PJR202]

Do you get paid by the word?

Do you get paid by the snark?

You've read my thread. You know I own it..lol. I think it's impossible for me to do anything else. I write short stories as a hobby.

This may be my shortest comment ever.

 

[_MIA_]

Do you get paid by the snark?

That would be awesome, you offering?

 

[PJR202]

That would be awesome, you offering?

No one could afford you without a serious side hustle.