Advice Needed - college freshmen - when to worry?

[Westwind]

I have nothing to add to Sluggers posts other than to say this: go back and read them again, lol

 

[sbmom444]

This isn't TB anymore. Playing D1 college sports is a job. She needs to treat it like a job--including socially.

When it wasn't "in season", my kids had no burning desire to see their teammates. Why?

Reason 1: Their teammates were all girls.
Reason 2: They had to do school work in the "off-season". Their hard classes were during the off-season.
Reason 3: They spent hours and hours with their teammates--hotels, buses, practices, games. There was only so much they could take of them...and their teammates could take of my DDs.
Reason 4: They had different interests than the girls on the softball team. (See, e.g., Reason 1.)

Your DD needs friends outside of the softball team. She will have to learn how to make friends.

Thanks for sharing and she definitely is trying to make friends and she actually had a better weekend after going to a soccer game and also working at the football game.

I totally get that this is not TB, but I was hoping that her team would do at least a few things together at the beginning of the year, similar to what other posters here have shared about their freshman DDs experience so far. I do not expect her to be joined at the hip with these girls. My DD isnt actually like that. She has never been BFFs with her TB teammates for the reasons you listed above. They were co -workers.

 

[_MIA_]

Like I said a lot of this is normal..including you worrying about your baby It will likely work itself out...at least the friends part..not the you worrying part..I am 46 and my father (and my mother when she was alive) still worry about me

 

[GoRight]

Like I said a lot of this is normal..including you worrying about your baby It will likely work itself out...at least the friends part..not the you worrying part..I am 46 and my father (and my mother when she was alive) still worry about me

Yup. It never stops.


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[GoRight]

I forget where your DD is going...

Depending on division there are also limitations on some organized activities. D3 for example only get 15 coach-led practices and 1 game day. NAIA is basically a free for all. And everything in-between. And every school and coach is different.

-- unless it is actually crossing a line into abusive - the following --

1. Teams will always look divided coming in - because some have been there 4 years and some are new. They have shared experiences your DD doesn't have. Too early to worry about that probably
2. The reality is not all or even any teammates will be your friends. I am not sure my DD has a 'real' friend on her team - but she also doesn't hate any of them either. (Personally I think this is a defensive tactic of hers - she doesn't want things to go bad and it be difficult to be around someone or be involved in the drama directly. But what do I know.
3. Things are different in season. It is not even close to season let.
4. It is still early. 3 weeks is nothing. It may be coach is giving them time to adjust to academics before ramping things up. Some are like that. Some are not. Some are just disorganized, As you said, they just started lift
5. Some coaches love to do team stuff together (I know DD's does) - but these girls spend HUGE amounts of time together - so it is easy to go too far in the other direction
6. Friends outside athletics are the best. College life doesn't have to totally revolve around the sport - especially when you are not in season. In season, it revolves around the sport 24/7

In the end, your DD will have to do some adulting and figure it out for herself and you will probably never stop worrying

D3 gets 15 coach led practices and one game day? That’s just for the first semester, correct?


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[Comocoach]

Yeah - I think we are talking too much and I am trying to kind of gently squash that. I have suggested going to the library and all kinds of stuff but hopefully she will get there. Thank you for sharing your experience that does help!

Don't squash that.

Our DD is a senior. We still communicate with her daily via snap and text. We still talk thru facetime or voice 6-7 times a week.

Don't be in a hurry to push your DD into independence or 'adulthood'. Student athletes need a ton of support stay healthy and to stay on the right path. Most of that help is available at school, while some is given freely, the important stuff requires the student athlete to go find it. The emotional help is the hardest to find. But you can help just by being available. By being a trusted friend to talk to while she develops the new relationships with everyone in her brand new world.

This college sports thing is really, really hard and not a single person involved is doing it by themselves.

 

[Orange Socks]

D3 gets 15 coach led practices and one game day? That’s just for the first semester, correct?


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I believe its 16 days (units) with coaches
1 Game Day=3-7 inning games or 21 innings
No more than 4 practices every 7 days.

 

[Vertigo]

This isn't TB anymore. Playing D1 college sports is a job. She needs to treat it like a job--including socially.

When it wasn't "in season", my kids had no burning desire to see their teammates. Why?

Reason 1: Their teammates were all girls.
Reason 2: They had to do school work in the "off-season". Their hard classes were during the off-season.
Reason 3: They spent hours and hours with their teammates--hotels, buses, practices, games. There was only so much they could take of them...and their teammates could take of my DDs.
Reason 4: They had different interests than the girls on the softball team. (See, e.g., Reason 1.)

Your DD needs friends outside of the softball team. She will have to learn how to make friends.

I think this varies greatly by division and school. My dd wasn’t overly close with her TB team except for 1-2 other girls. I think this was mainly because they had different academic / athletic goals.

At DD’s college where she spends a lot of time studying, the SB team has become her social outlet and support system since they all have similar academic goals. These are the people she has the most in common with, so it makes sense that they seek out each other’s friendship. Since they are D3, she is not with them for a large chunk of her day.

At a D1 program where softball is essentially “your job,” I can understand not wanting to spend as much time with the team day in and day out. Once I leave work I typically don’t hang out with my co-workers, either.

 

[_MIA_]

I think this varies greatly by division and school. My dd wasn’t overly close with her TB team except for 1-2 other girls. I think this was mainly because they had different academic / athletic goals.

At DD’s college where she spends a lot of time studying, the SB team has become her social outlet and support system since they all have similar academic goals. These are the people she has the most in common with, so it makes sense that they seek out each other’s friendship. Since they are D3, she is not with them for a large chunk of her day.

At a D1 program where softball is essentially “your job,” I can understand not wanting to spend as much time with the team day in and day out. Once I leave work I typically don’t hang out with my co-workers, either.

That makes sense. That said, I played D3 at a decent academic school for a few years and was one of two engineers..I rarely hung out with the team. They were mostly all in a frat and I was in a library…

Of course my need to make friends is low to begin with. The only kid I still talk to from college is a friend from HS and the only reason we are still in touch is because he married my wife’s sister

 

[Prddad]

Again, every situation is different. Apparently, my DD's team was previously known as *the party* team so new HC (formerly AC) is nipping that in the bud with the freshmen. That said, DD is very social and most of the team did attend a MLB game last Saturday and then they went bowling on Sunday, so there is a happy medium w/ social. If your DD isn't getting the social aspect from her team, then there are usually MANY other groups/orgs on campus to join (other than sororities), so maybe she should explore some of them.

Best wishes!

I could tell you stories… congratulations on your daughters D1 career.