Advice Needed - college freshmen - when to worry?

[sbmom444]

Hi there! I started posting on here about 3 years ago when DD was a sophomore and we went through a lot with travel teams, recruiting during COVID and she did end up getting a scholarship to play and has been there for about 3 weeks. So my question for those that have been through this - when do you start to worry?? or maybe I should say when do I stop worrying LOL.

She is really struggling socially at this school, the softball team does not do a lot together and just started workouts and practices but according to her there isn't really like a set schedule and she needs structure. It just seems like she is just not thriving yet and really liking it or even excited. Is this normal? I am guessing she is just overwhelmed but I am having a hard time not worrying. She is also playing for a coach that did not recruit her which I know happens all the time, but she said the team is like very divided too. It honestly could just be a bad fit, but am I just freaking out too soon?

I would love to hear of others who may have had similar situations!

Thanks!

 

[_MIA_]

In my experience, for most kids the first weeks of college are rough, regardless of whether you play a sport or not. Give it a semester at least.

 

[vicimus]

Funny how teams and coaches are different. My daughter is 2 weeks in and pretty overwhelmed by the 4+ hrs/day, 6 days/wk of highly structured individual/group/team practices along w/ weight lifting while juggling 2 math, 1 computer science, and 1 honors college research class load. I wouldn't worry about the socializing w/ covid.

As a matter of fact, DD's coach has suspended 6 out of the 7 freshman for violating his anti-other-teams-socialization policy since all of them BUT DD has violated them and even 1 freshman got covid from sucking-face w/ a swimteam dude at an overnight frat party!

As I told my daughter who's there on MERIT scholarships, just focus on their coursework and softball work and socialization is NOT a priority! What kills me is I'm sure at least 3-4 of those freshman got athletic money yet completely disrespected the coach's rules one of them twice! SMH

 

[sbmom444]

Funny how teams and coaches are different. My daughter is 2 weeks in and pretty overwhelmed by the 4+ hrs/day, 6 days/wk of highly structured individual/group/team practices along w/ weight lifting while juggling 2 math, 1 computer science, and 1 honors college research class load. I wouldn't worry about the socializing w/ covid.

As a matter of fact, DD's coach has suspended 6 out of the 7 freshman for violating his anti-other-teams-socialization policy since all of them BUT DD has violated them and even 1 freshman got covid from sucking-face w/ a swimteam dude at an overnight frat party!

As I told my daughter who's there on MERIT scholarships, just focus on their coursework and softball work and socialization is NOT a priority! What kills me is I'm sure at least 3-4 of those freshman got athletic money yet completely disrespected the coach's rules one of them twice! SMH

Thank you both for sharing! Yes my daughter's experience is definitely a little different. She actually thrives in structure and when I say socially I mean like she is sitting in her room by herself because she has no one to eat with and her roommate goes home all of the time. I guess I should have stated it like I wish her team did more together? The senior girls did go to the movies and dinner with her for her bday which was awesome though! And there are only 2 freshmen, her and her roommate.

There are no rules that I am aware of by the coach as far as socializing but I know that at her school they are not allowed to go into other dorms right now because of covid.

And I totally agree with you about focusing on schoolwork and softball! My daughter did get athletic money but the academic money the school gave her was actually way more and its more important to me that she keeps her grades up to keep that going for next year.

 

[radness]

Hi there! I started posting on here about 3 years ago when DD was a sophomore and we went through a lot with travel teams, recruiting during COVID and she did end up getting a scholarship to play and has been there for about 3 weeks. So my question for those that have been through this - when do you start to worry?? or maybe I should say when do I stop worrying LOL.

She is really struggling socially at this school, the softball team does not do a lot together and just started workouts and practices but according to her there isn't really like a set schedule and she needs structure. It just seems like she is just not thriving yet and really liking it or even excited. Is this normal? I am guessing she is just overwhelmed but I am having a hard time not worrying. She is also playing for a coach that did not recruit her which I know happens all the time, but she said the team is like very divided too. It honestly could just be a bad fit, but am I just freaking out too soon?

I would love to hear of others who may have had similar situations!

It appears what you commented is what's going on around her what is she doing to set a schedule for herself?
Has she ever had to lead herself on a daily weekly schedule? Or was that always arranged for her?

Social is two sided at minimum.

 

[marriard]

Hi there! I started posting on here about 3 years ago when DD was a sophomore and we went through a lot with travel teams, recruiting during COVID and she did end up getting a scholarship to play and has been there for about 3 weeks. So my question for those that have been through this - when do you start to worry?? or maybe I should say when do I stop worrying LOL.

She is really struggling socially at this school, the softball team does not do a lot together and just started workouts and practices but according to her there isn't really like a set schedule and she needs structure. It just seems like she is just not thriving yet and really liking it or even excited. Is this normal? I am guessing she is just overwhelmed but I am having a hard time not worrying. She is also playing for a coach that did not recruit her which I know happens all the time, but she said the team is like very divided too. It honestly could just be a bad fit, but am I just freaking out too soon?

I would love to hear of others who may have had similar situations!

Thanks!

I forget where your DD is going...

Depending on division there are also limitations on some organized activities. D3 for example only get 15 coach-led practices and 1 game day. NAIA is basically a free for all. And everything in-between. And every school and coach is different.

-- unless it is actually crossing a line into abusive - the following --

1. Teams will always look divided coming in - because some have been there 4 years and some are new. They have shared experiences your DD doesn't have. Too early to worry about that probably
2. The reality is not all or even any teammates will be your friends. I am not sure my DD has a 'real' friend on her team - but she also doesn't hate any of them either. (Personally I think this is a defensive tactic of hers - she doesn't want things to go bad and it be difficult to be around someone or be involved in the drama directly. But what do I know.
3. Things are different in season. It is not even close to season let.
4. It is still early. 3 weeks is nothing. It may be coach is giving them time to adjust to academics before ramping things up. Some are like that. Some are not. Some are just disorganized, As you said, they just started lift
5. Some coaches love to do team stuff together (I know DD's does) - but these girls spend HUGE amounts of time together - so it is easy to go too far in the other direction
6. Friends outside athletics are the best. College life doesn't have to totally revolve around the sport - especially when you are not in season. In season, it revolves around the sport 24/7

In the end, your DD will have to do some adulting and figure it out for herself and you will probably never stop worrying

 

[sbmom444]

It appears what you commented is what's going on around her what is she doing to set a schedule for herself?
Has she ever had to lead herself on a daily weekly schedule? Or was that always arranged for her?

Social is two sided at minimum.

That comment really made me think. She always came up with a schedule for herself but definitely had help from us with that too. Definitely the time that she needs to take this on.

I am hoping that the social aspect will pick up too!

 

[_MIA_]

I say socially I mean like she is sitting in her room by herself

Sounds like absolute bliss to me..people are overrated.

 

[vicimus]

That comment really made me think. She always came up with a schedule for herself but definitely had help from us with that too. Definitely the time that she needs to take this on.

I am hoping that the social aspect will pick up too!

Again, every situation is different. Apparently, my DD's team was previously known as *the party* team so new HC (formerly AC) is nipping that in the bud with the freshmen. That said, DD is very social and most of the team did attend a MLB game last Saturday and then they went bowling on Sunday, so there is a happy medium w/ social. If your DD isn't getting the social aspect from her team, then there are usually MANY other groups/orgs on campus to join (other than sororities), so maybe she should explore some of them.

Best wishes!

 

[sbmom444]

I forget where your DD is going...

Depending on division there are also limitations on some organized activities. D3 for example only get 15 coach-led practices and 1 game day. NAIA is basically a free for all. And everything in-between. And every school and coach is different.

-- unless it is actually crossing a line into abusive - the following --

1. Teams will always look divided coming in - because some have been there 4 years and some are new. They have shared experiences your DD doesn't have. Too early to worry about that probably
2. The reality is not all or even any teammates will be your friends. I am not sure my DD has a 'real' friend on her team - but she also doesn't hate any of them either. (Personally I think this is a defensive tactic of hers - she doesn't want things to go bad and it be difficult to be around someone or be involved in the drama directly. But what do I know.
3. Things are different in season. It is not even close to season let.
4. It is still early. 3 weeks is nothing. It may be coach is giving them time to adjust to academics before ramping things up. Some are like that. Some are not. Some are just disorganized, As you said, they just started lift
5. Some coaches love to do team stuff together (I know DD's does) - but these girls spend HUGE amounts of time together - so it is easy to go too far in the other direction
6. Friends outside athletics are the best. College life doesn't have to totally revolve around the sport - especially when you are not in season. In season, it revolves around the sport 24/7

In the end, your DD will have to do some adulting and figure it out for herself and you will probably never stop worrying

She is going to a smaller D1 but I definitely expected more structure, but new coach, so that could be coming. Thank you for the advice and info! She definitely has a lot of growing up to do for sure! So far the older players have been the ones trying to connect with her and talk to her and she is very receptive to that and has always looked up to more experienced players.